Keep in mind that there are psychological conditions that can come into play with someone who vents to friends, where the reality is changed in their mind – perhaps in order to cause sympathy or to present a false reality for other reasons. It can also be a coping mechanism in order to deal with life's issues.
If this is the case here, just talking to her may not help much – but you should still talk to her about it. She may even doubt she has done this, and it may be ingrained in her so much that she can't help herself.
Hopefully that is not the issue in this situation and she knows what she is doing, and will show reason when confronted on this issue. You may have to ask her what she told her friends from time to time, and have a conversation about what she is saying…regular discussions on this topic might also help with self-awareness.
When people aren’t insecure about everything you can get them gifts just because they liked them.
Wow.
I that I am a woman. Look up my post history if you must. And I say this because I'm about to say kind of turns my stomach to do the gender reversal men usually do but I have to because the hypocrisy is fucking ridiculous right now.
I read a post from a woman today whose younger sister paraded her naked self in front of OP's boyfriend. Dude did everything right. He not only ignored very hot younger sister, he told OP what happened as soon as she got home.
But because bf did not run from his own bedroom screaming with ripping his eyeballs out of his skull, the comments were saying he did something wrong when he did everything right.
If OP was a guy who knew his gf's sister had a crush on him and he accepted a gift an expensive, personal gift from her… you heifers would be screaming how that's a red flag, he's a pig, he wants to screw her, why did he accept the gift, blah blah blah.
Oh, but because OP's a woman who accepts an inappropriate gift from her bf's brother, your literally going to sit there an twist and contort yourselves with a fuck ton of excuses as to how this is okay when you know for a fact you would not accept this if the genders were reversed?
Are we fucking serious? And goddam all of you for making me take the man's side of this argument.
Create some distance between you and your crush, actively feeding into whatever bond outside of work will only further escalate the crush. Do something spontaneous with your husband, and create distance with your crush.
Physical affection is something most people can do even in ONS settings, it doesn't always denote that they want something more. She's not that into you. It sucks, I'm sorry, but you should move on.
You explicitly told him not to do something, and he went ahead and did it anyways. He couldn't control himself and basically acted on his animalistic behavior.
Cherry on top is that he finished without you. Double cherry on top is that he is cowardly trying to communicate with you, without acknowledging what happen.
Now, you're debating to tell him how you feel, and I assume you're going to expect an apology.
Do you want to be involved with someone that you have to explain why they need to apologize? This is something he should be doing on his own accord, without you needing to put it into motion.
This guy is incredibly selfish. He couldn't handle a simple boundary out the gate… I doubt it will improve, that behavior is going to manifest elsewhere. I don't advise further entertaining him.
Based on your replies, you seem to really enjoy arguing and conflict. I’m willing to bet that you’d be pissed off at your partner regardless of whatever action (or inaction) he decided to take.
I absolutely understand this point. People’s opinions change based on others people’s opinions. But in this situation, it feels different. He’s my first boyfriend, he’s such a sensitive, kind and gentle human. My mom knows him and know his positive qualities, which I also talk to her about. She genuinely thinks very positively of him, so much that she told me that she’d approve if we were to marry and have a family together (she’s exaggerating on purpose but still means it)
Give him his divorce like he requested rather than hang on to a cheater and manipulator. Just because you stopped him that one time doesn’t mean you will catch him the other times. He just knows now how to not get caught. He broke his vows so all agreements are broken and his words mean nothing.
You have a dead bedroom now. You will have a dead bedroom for the next 50 years. Do you want that? Now is the time to make a decision if you want to continue this relationship.
My dude. Who hurt you? This level of antagonistic badgering is unreal.
Once more, I am not making any point at all regarding the healing abilities of the body at younger vs older ages. You are the only one who is trying to bring that into this.
Having a baby changes a body irrevocably. That kind of change would be (somewhat) easier to take (mentally) at 30 than at 20. That was my point.
She’s a 26 year old woman who didn’t think it was odd to get fully hard in front of her husbands friend? Nah OP should have an issue with both of them.
Sorry, Op. He cheated and he is probably still doing it, only hiding it better. If he is hooking up with randoms and you are still having sex with him. Please use condoms and please get a STD test.
The reason people are not focusing on his behavior is because his wife is physically abusive and when someone is abusive, it does not matter what their partner did first, that is always an immediate “leave the relationship” situation. By saying “hitting you was wrong, BUT” people are opening the door to him justifying the abuse because abusees generally desperately want to find a reason that the abuse wasn’t that bad or that they actually deserved it,
In this situation, it is dangerous to give him a reason to blame himself because it could encourage him to stay thinking “we both did bad things.” He needs to recognize his wife’s behavior as abusive, exit the relationship safely, and whatever his own faults as a partner he can work on in therapy as he heals from the abuse.
Im diagnosed adhd and unmedicated, so is my partner. We’re both somewhat messy, but also still get things done…dishes, laundry, etc. I think the embarrassment is my biggest encouragement, I may be messy but filthy is a whole other issue. I could never be with someone who is filthy, imagine what it’ll be like if y’all have kids.
I'd nope out of all of this immaturity right away. Full stop on the wedding immediately. Your fiance is being controlling for some reason, and that is a huge red flag no matter what the reason is.
Your future spouse should trust you to make your OWN decisions with knowing ALL the facts, and barring you from speaking to YOUR best friend means he does not trust you in whatever this situation is, whichever way you look at it. He is not LETTING you form your own opinion by keeping it from you. Not ok.
Full stop. They both need to fess up or kick rocks. This is so disrespectful to you and hurtful. And the situation could be something very trivial, or just too much testosterone, or the best friend could be in love with you, or it could even be a simple matter of your fiance being too jealous to let the best friend remain in your life even if he only sees you as just a friend. Whatever it is, both of these men should have a higher regard for you, as to both of them, in one way or another to each of them, you are their person.
OP let’s start with the dogs. One, great, two better, three is too many. The mess and time needed is too much. Now onto your dead bedroom issue, you trying to beat a dead horse. For whatever reason she’s not interested. The beginning was the bait to hook you and now that she reeled you in your just food without thought. Stop wasting your breath with this partner. Pack a suitcase and ghost her for awhile to gauge the commitment to you. Your being manipulated and used. You should install small cameras in the house to monitor her behavior when you do this.
What did you expect when dating someone that cheated on their long term partner with a married woman? I sure hope it wasn’t honesty or for him to treat you better than his ex…
Write him a letter. Say everything you feel and want him to know, then in a quiet moment hand it over and hold his hand while he reads it.
I'll just do it alone.
Keep in mind that there are psychological conditions that can come into play with someone who vents to friends, where the reality is changed in their mind – perhaps in order to cause sympathy or to present a false reality for other reasons. It can also be a coping mechanism in order to deal with life's issues.
If this is the case here, just talking to her may not help much – but you should still talk to her about it. She may even doubt she has done this, and it may be ingrained in her so much that she can't help herself.
Hopefully that is not the issue in this situation and she knows what she is doing, and will show reason when confronted on this issue. You may have to ask her what she told her friends from time to time, and have a conversation about what she is saying…regular discussions on this topic might also help with self-awareness.
I guess at this point I could see myself falling into the category of living as though I was still single even though I wasn’t.
When people aren’t insecure about everything you can get them gifts just because they liked them.
Wow.
I that I am a woman. Look up my post history if you must. And I say this because I'm about to say kind of turns my stomach to do the gender reversal men usually do but I have to because the hypocrisy is fucking ridiculous right now.
I read a post from a woman today whose younger sister paraded her naked self in front of OP's boyfriend. Dude did everything right. He not only ignored very hot younger sister, he told OP what happened as soon as she got home.
But because bf did not run from his own bedroom screaming with ripping his eyeballs out of his skull, the comments were saying he did something wrong when he did everything right.
If OP was a guy who knew his gf's sister had a crush on him and he accepted a gift an expensive, personal gift from her… you heifers would be screaming how that's a red flag, he's a pig, he wants to screw her, why did he accept the gift, blah blah blah.
Oh, but because OP's a woman who accepts an inappropriate gift from her bf's brother, your literally going to sit there an twist and contort yourselves with a fuck ton of excuses as to how this is okay when you know for a fact you would not accept this if the genders were reversed?
Are we fucking serious? And goddam all of you for making me take the man's side of this argument.
Shame on every one of you.
u/Dapper-Database7009, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.
The right way to do it is to create a brand new Reddit account that begins with ThrowRA.
Please create a new account that starts with ThrowRA in the username and try again. Please note that we will not make exceptions to this rule.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Ten bucks says he's cheating.
Create some distance between you and your crush, actively feeding into whatever bond outside of work will only further escalate the crush. Do something spontaneous with your husband, and create distance with your crush.
It is what it is. He’ll feel worse learning that his girlfriend wanted to break up with him but didn’t tears down the line.
Physical affection is something most people can do even in ONS settings, it doesn't always denote that they want something more. She's not that into you. It sucks, I'm sorry, but you should move on.
Thank you. I wasn’t sure if these were normal thoughts or “cold feet” as I’m not married yet
She didn’t necessarily want to be with them. Just was interested in them
Is this a deal-breaker for you?
This would have been one for me…
You explicitly told him not to do something, and he went ahead and did it anyways. He couldn't control himself and basically acted on his animalistic behavior.
Cherry on top is that he finished without you. Double cherry on top is that he is cowardly trying to communicate with you, without acknowledging what happen.
Now, you're debating to tell him how you feel, and I assume you're going to expect an apology.
Do you want to be involved with someone that you have to explain why they need to apologize? This is something he should be doing on his own accord, without you needing to put it into motion.
This guy is incredibly selfish. He couldn't handle a simple boundary out the gate… I doubt it will improve, that behavior is going to manifest elsewhere. I don't advise further entertaining him.
Based on your replies, you seem to really enjoy arguing and conflict. I’m willing to bet that you’d be pissed off at your partner regardless of whatever action (or inaction) he decided to take.
He’s not your friend. I’d tell his fiancé & then cut contact with him.
I absolutely understand this point. People’s opinions change based on others people’s opinions. But in this situation, it feels different. He’s my first boyfriend, he’s such a sensitive, kind and gentle human. My mom knows him and know his positive qualities, which I also talk to her about. She genuinely thinks very positively of him, so much that she told me that she’d approve if we were to marry and have a family together (she’s exaggerating on purpose but still means it)
Hell the story sounds like bullshit to me.
Give him his divorce like he requested rather than hang on to a cheater and manipulator. Just because you stopped him that one time doesn’t mean you will catch him the other times. He just knows now how to not get caught. He broke his vows so all agreements are broken and his words mean nothing.
WOW you sound like the worst
You have a dead bedroom now. You will have a dead bedroom for the next 50 years. Do you want that? Now is the time to make a decision if you want to continue this relationship.
My dude. Who hurt you? This level of antagonistic badgering is unreal.
Once more, I am not making any point at all regarding the healing abilities of the body at younger vs older ages. You are the only one who is trying to bring that into this.
Having a baby changes a body irrevocably. That kind of change would be (somewhat) easier to take (mentally) at 30 than at 20. That was my point.
Have a lovely day.
Your body is going through a bunch of shit whether your mind likes it or not. Your first responsibility is to YOURSELF.
What makes you happy? Do that.
She’s a 26 year old woman who didn’t think it was odd to get fully hard in front of her husbands friend? Nah OP should have an issue with both of them.
Thank you!
Post of the day.
Dim lights to begin with.
How many D Days are you prepared to endure?
I wouldnt say fucking idiot, but yes, i think you should be careful.
What is there to confront? You’re not dating so you’re not really entitled to anything.
I was born and raised here, I didn’t move anywhere
Sorry, Op. He cheated and he is probably still doing it, only hiding it better. If he is hooking up with randoms and you are still having sex with him. Please use condoms and please get a STD test.
The reason people are not focusing on his behavior is because his wife is physically abusive and when someone is abusive, it does not matter what their partner did first, that is always an immediate “leave the relationship” situation. By saying “hitting you was wrong, BUT” people are opening the door to him justifying the abuse because abusees generally desperately want to find a reason that the abuse wasn’t that bad or that they actually deserved it,
In this situation, it is dangerous to give him a reason to blame himself because it could encourage him to stay thinking “we both did bad things.” He needs to recognize his wife’s behavior as abusive, exit the relationship safely, and whatever his own faults as a partner he can work on in therapy as he heals from the abuse.
Im diagnosed adhd and unmedicated, so is my partner. We’re both somewhat messy, but also still get things done…dishes, laundry, etc. I think the embarrassment is my biggest encouragement, I may be messy but filthy is a whole other issue. I could never be with someone who is filthy, imagine what it’ll be like if y’all have kids.
I'd nope out of all of this immaturity right away. Full stop on the wedding immediately. Your fiance is being controlling for some reason, and that is a huge red flag no matter what the reason is.
Your future spouse should trust you to make your OWN decisions with knowing ALL the facts, and barring you from speaking to YOUR best friend means he does not trust you in whatever this situation is, whichever way you look at it. He is not LETTING you form your own opinion by keeping it from you. Not ok.
Full stop. They both need to fess up or kick rocks. This is so disrespectful to you and hurtful. And the situation could be something very trivial, or just too much testosterone, or the best friend could be in love with you, or it could even be a simple matter of your fiance being too jealous to let the best friend remain in your life even if he only sees you as just a friend. Whatever it is, both of these men should have a higher regard for you, as to both of them, in one way or another to each of them, you are their person.
Put your foot down.
OP let’s start with the dogs. One, great, two better, three is too many. The mess and time needed is too much. Now onto your dead bedroom issue, you trying to beat a dead horse. For whatever reason she’s not interested. The beginning was the bait to hook you and now that she reeled you in your just food without thought. Stop wasting your breath with this partner. Pack a suitcase and ghost her for awhile to gauge the commitment to you. Your being manipulated and used. You should install small cameras in the house to monitor her behavior when you do this.
What did you expect when dating someone that cheated on their long term partner with a married woman? I sure hope it wasn’t honesty or for him to treat you better than his ex…