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Date: October 13, 2022
You're young. Get rid of her.
You're bending over backwards for someone taking you for granted and doesn't respect you. No one in their right mind would tell their partner that.
She knows how much you care about her mental health and I'm willing to bet she exploits that. All of the help you're getting her will get you no where, I promise you that. She might actually have trauma but she's using her trauma to manipulate you. Manipulators ALWAYS use that “omg poor me, I'm a monster” thing when everything else they tried didn't work. She was not willing to take responsibility and did not care about offending you until you put your foot down. She also did the whole tears thing- something a lot of manipulators do.
Another manipulative sign is how she got angry with you when you called her out on her disrespect. She got angry at you for “having to deal with it by herself” what the entire fuck- that doesn't even make sense. She just picked out some random ass thing to use against you.
I hate to say this because I don't want to call victims liars but she might also be using her trauma to simply use you. You're paying for her therapy. You're her caretaker. She probably didn't have a dad. Either way, she doesn't see you like that.
The bottom line is, you're her security blanket and that's all.
I would say “Joe, I appreciate being included in your family Christmas. However, I didn’t realize the cost of things and I need to bow out. I wish you all a lovely holiday.” If he doesn’t step up to pay for you, then dump him.
This man thinks you are his property, and grew up thinking anime and porn is real. Hair on a woman is as natural as sunrise, otherwise you wouldn’t have it.
Everyone telling you to tell him to shave every day is missing the point: he has no respect for you and views you as an object. You told him you don’t like shaving and he told you to stop being a “strong woman”.
He has no respect for women, especially not you. Is he really worth any more of your time?
Then I’ll deal with that at that moment. It hasn’t happened yet.
Not many things can bruteforce a boy into behaving like a man, than peer pressure.
Worst case- they split and she finds a mustache to ride through her 20's and hes stuck at the adult arcade.
You're reading in. Babies are inherently innocent, I think that's her meaning. In that no matter WHAT the parents did or didn't do, a baby didn't ask to be born and has done nothing wrong.
Before I say anything, whether I firmly believe it or I'm just being facetious, I weigh the risks and reward of saying it. If there isn't enough reward to justify the risks, I shut up or say something else. If everytime you talk to your dad you guys find something to disagree on, maybe you can take the initiative to not say the things that make you guys fight. I think that's the spirit of what your dad is trying to say and good life advice in general.
i’m very very judgy with age gap relationships because the difference in experience makes for funky power dynamics, but this seems perfectly fine. she’s 27, not 23. and i doubt her bf has predatory intentions with a whole ass adult, and about the virgin part? i highly doubt her virginity is something she broadcasts to the world, in fact, it might’ve come as a surprise to him
You said you bought the gift a day before, that's not talking things, that's sending a text message hoping he'll “get the signal”. You told him on the day as much as he did.
This talk will be difficult and I hope she understands and doesn’t take it the wrong way. I don’t want to hurt her feelings.
You'll make new friends
I’m sorry, I’m sure you’re feeling very sad and in a way deceived. It’s natural to mourn relationships and it takes time to fully move on past it.
I think he does love you. Or at least respect you enough to be honest and give you his truth. I’m sure you guys had a great relationship, but some people are simply just like that. They can love but feel like they’re out in a box. Nothing is wrong aside from them missing his freedom and autonomy.
He doesn’t need help…and in the way he did, he was honest and created this new boundary with you, as being no longer romantic.
Aside from giving yourself time to heal and love yourself, when you’re ready to seriously date again, you should seek someone who appreciates the same love and lifestyle you want.
There are people who are like you! And want the same things as you. You deserve to find that, and you deserve to give yourself that love, too.
Best of luck. Sending you love and healing.
It's a bit odd at that age, but honestly I come from a boating community where it's not uncommon for grown women (30+) to flash passing boats or people on the shoreline.
They're just boobs. I mean really I don't see it as a huge deal. My wife could do it if she REALLY wanted and I'd probably just laugh.
She is 25. Unless she is handicap she can be a grown woman and figure life out on her own. You holding her hands supporting her is only reinforcing the idea that daddy will save me. No. Daddy won't. Daddy will only save you from being homeless.
Completely agree here. Sounds like from the way he's described he will argue to stay
It already sounds really bad an$ this stuff just gets worse once your married.
Also, check out etsy for more affordable options – find a jeweller you like and they'll most likely be able to customize something for much less than at a brick and mortar store, or you could buy from an estate sale or auction.
I wish I could give you an award! So true! This has got to be one of the most stupid posts on here I have ever seen. If OP was my kid or sibling… I would be helping his ex-wife get 100% custody of their child. There is no way I would want my niece/nephew/grandkid in a house with OP and his current wife and exposed to this nonsense. Some people really need to read what they write… OUT LOUD so they can hear how stupid they sound.
OP, open your eyes. Your daughter deserves better than this nonsense. You, on the other hand, may find yourself liking the 3 hots and a cot provided for you courtesy of the county lockup next time your wife decides to spit on you and set you up for an extended stay with the county.
Copy what you wrote and read it to him at the next therapist appointment.
My guess is that he wants you to do it in person so he's got more control and will argue every point with you and invalidate your feelings. The therapist will prevent that.
TBH? I'd leave the past in the past. This isn't behavior you engage in on the regular. It was a one-time(?) thing. If you feel compelled to tell her, I'd ask why? Hypothetically, if you had lost your virginity to… IDK, your housekeeper or dog walker, you may have still told her you lost it to the 2nd girl. You just wouldn't be questioning your decision. Perhaps you find losing your virginity to the housekeeper or dog walker to be more acceptable/less stigmatizing but still not something you'd want other people to know.
So flippant and dismissive.
Mature adults who are good communicators can easily be caring for each other AND having group sex well into their forties.
YOU just couldn't handle it.
Ride or die relationships are toxic. He can take care of himself and get all the therapy if he really wanted to, but you have a baby and a dog who have no way to protect themselves and they are the ones who genuinely need you to advocate for them. Your boyfriend is abusive. Your loyalty should not be to him, but to your child and the defenceless dog. People are angry because you are witnessing this abuse and you’re too busy being ‘poor boyfriend, poor him, he can’t help it, he has XYZ and never got ABC for it’. He is an adult now. He can address the shortcomings of his childhood for himself, you should not be pushing for him to do better. You should gather yourself and your child and get out before he does permanent damage to either or both of you, and on the way you should be calling animal protection.
I took my (29m) partner (29f) back after she cheated and
Uh oh.
resounding advice to END IT
Excellent. Glad that you well heeded our advice and …
I didn't head that advice
Oh sh*t.
emotions got the better of me, I still loved
Uh oh … addiction/dependency.
would occasionally pop into my head when watching movies or TV where infidelity was present
Trauma. She traumatized you. Nothin' for you to be ashamed of, she seriously did you wrong, and yeah, it caused some damage – and you've not yet fully recovered from it.
thought of us being at a wedding feels almost embarrassing
And rightly so.
felt like I wanted to attend social events alone rather than as a couple. Maybe I somehow felt embarrassed.
Yep.
she'd been texting the guy again
Apparently, it's nothing more than that
guy was saved under a different name, and almost all messages were deleted
Uh huh … and why's that? 'Cause she has nothing to hide? Yeah, right.
love this person
addiction/dependency
she
stupid
Yes, that's long been established for her.
love the girl
There's that addiction/dependency thing again.
says all the right things
Oh, except for the lies, dishonesty, cheating, withholding of relevant information … not to mention what she does and fails to do.
feels fu**** beyond repair
Well, if it feels like a duck, walks like a duck, sounds like a duck, looks like a duck, … yeah, it's fu**** beyond repair.
know what comments I will receive here
Uhm, … see previous comments. 🙂
don't want to taint people's opinions of her
Oh, you can taint away … but no need, she'a already done that to herself. Her true colors will very much show through – you needn't assist her with that.
love her
There's that addiction/dependency thing again. You should fix that. Like go cold turkey from that drug.
And you should get her the hell out'a your place … unless you really don't want to live! there anymore … in which case get yourself the hell out'a there.
And yeah, in case there was any question about it – it's over … I think you also got advised about that earlier. 😉
Good luck … and get her the hell out'a your life.
And, hopefully your next post, we won't be needing to tell you to refer to the advice and responses on your earlier posts.
My dreams are to speak Japanese and even live in the country itself
Username checks out. You'd definitely regret not going.
He is 34 and a master manipulator. There is no way (ok maybe a .1% chance if the girl has a kink for it) every girl he has ever been with just suck his dick at least once a day unprompted. Why was he single when you met him if all his past partners were so into him that they were sucking his dick daily?
I swear when I was 18 I had that mentality? but now that I‘m almost 22 I‘d never go on dating apps again tbh it‘s a waste of time. And I like being single.
If someone is so desperate for male attention, they can break up and seek that attention instead of playing with someone‘s feelings.
She isn’t sure what she wants so breaking up now may be for nothing if it isn’t worth it. I think dealing with the issue sooner than later is better instead of her staying with me and slowly losing attraction
He is a bad friend. You set a reasonable boundary (for him to stop sexually harassing you) and he won't stop. Is this the kind of person you want to be friends with?
Give him an ultimatum – he stops or you're done with him.
Stand your ground, you've done all you can to reassure his feelings. Now, he needs to grow up a little and do some emotional work on his own.
It’s a shower before bed/ in the morning thing because we work night shift and get off in the morning and go to bed shortly after.
I have seen a doctor for my skin. I have also explained to my boyfriend about it.
The ‘As a woman’ thing has been rubbing me the wrong way and is a lot of the reason why I wrote this post.
We have been dating for 3 years. This is my first long term relationship.
Cheating is a reflection of the cheater not of the one cheated on.
This post makes me worried that it's going to be 4 times
Sounds like insecurity to me, she’s worried you’re now more attractive to the opposite sex. Have a conversation and reassure her, and let her know her abusive behaviour isn’t acceptable. If she doubles down and continues I’d say it’s time to make her fears a reality by leaving and eventually finding someone that will treat with more respect and compassion.