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ᴍᴀʀʏ, 25 y.o.
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Date: October 16, 2022
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I would just full on ignored her, but you can also cold shoulder with minimal interaction(answering direct questions but not voluntarily starting any conversations) if that's more comfortable for you.
This doesn't answer my question whatsoever,, how should I know this if I'm using her?
NTA. Your gf is incredibly manipulative. I'm assuming its to do with her BPD because it is a common behavior associated with that. She should not be in a relationship until she deals with that… I'm assuming she's not in therapy or treatment, due to her sheer willingness to cut you off from every meaningful relationship other than her. This relationship is toxic and if it doesn't work out you will be left with no one because she forced you to drop them. Refuse to cut your friend off and make it clear that she doesn't get to dictate who your friends are. If she can't understand that, let her go.
Wut? This is just asking how people here would view this relationship irl.
she will not stop going to parties and getting drunk and high to the point where she isn’t fully aware of her surroundings.
Why won't she stop getting blocked out drunk/high?
She has an addiction that needs to be addressed. Until these things are taken care, you'll always have these problems.
she’s loves to have fun with her friends and listen to music.
Gf needs to realize that partying doesn't mean she needs to blackout. Time to grow up. And start taking accountability. Not saying she deserves it but when she lowers herself and lowers her ability to say stop, there's a problem.
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I was going to flame on OP, but you told him things in a nice way. Take my upvote
Ok, thank you. I'll take note of this.
Take some accountability you are the older one and you moving away is the cause so break up with her like an adult, you are causing her and yourself worse pain by dragging it out.
why bother? the Reddit Brigade is here to blame you. If she was searching your phone and search history they would advise her on better ways to do it. You're going to get very few actual advice comments here. I'm sorry but that's all i can really say. I hope someone actually thinks of your side but well, you searched her history and raised your voice at a cat, so she's a victim now.
What happens the next time she suffers an episode? How sure are you about what she may have done in between breakup? This is not the foundation to a healthy and happy relationship. Better to start fresh with the new girl then risk living the same heartbreak again.
You’re not going to fix that. You’re not going to fix anything.
Continue on.
Just be there for her whenever she needs you.
consider your next moves based on her responses.
I think this is an excellent way to go about it cause one of Tina's reply thus far has been along the lines of, “you can't expect me not to share things when stuck between two people.” It gives off tones of a selfish narrative that removes my trust of sharing when it's one of the most crucial parts of a relationship.
Can’t help is those specific women are willing to be passed around….
My very honest reaction is that we don’t always get what we want. The kids were born when she was already fully of age. That isn’t the same as being fully grown up, necessarily, but… she doesn’t get to control that.
It is also worth understanding WHY this feels like such a loss to her. These kinds of feelings and resentments are tough on relationships. Not yours to solve but yours to own your part in, whatever part IS yours.
You’re welcome! I’m sorry! It’s definitely rough. 2 years is a long time, but you need to ensure you’re making yourself the priority here. You deserve a life that is fulfilling and happy and a partner who matches your own morals and values.
Even though it’ll be very hot at first, if you do decide to end things, it will get easier with time. You are a strong and capable woman! Either way, you’ve got this!!
she has no right to ask you to do this nor put in he demands/rules etc. This is not your problem its hers and its a problem that she needs to deal with and that she needs to fix. This is not down to you who has to do things to try and fix her insecurities and jealousy, thats on her, also note that this is just the start. She came into the relationship knowing she was a friend, she accepted that, if you are forced to choose which i suspect she will try and give you an ultimatum, then choose your friend each and every time.
Why are you trying to be this controlling of your friend's life? That's a red flag in itself.
Let her make her own choices and follow her own path.
Open relationships are fucked why you still wanna be in one wtf
just remember that we never have to stay in a relationships we’re unhappy in. it’s not our responsibility to take care of a partner eve, though we love them and they’re struggling.
it’s so naked to say goodbye to todo we care about, but sometimes we realize it’s the best option for us, as sucky as it is.
Did you cheat on your husband before divorcing him, then take your daughter a few hundred miles away after getting primary/full custody, making it nearly impossible for her dad to see her while moving your affair partner into the spot in her life where your ex-husband used to be? Because that's what happened here, and that's a far cry from amicable divorce where everybody is cordial and friendly after moving on because of agreed and irreconcilable differences.
This is supeeer long ^
But I guess what I’m asking is..if there’s any gay or asexual people out there? did you do any of this in a relationship?
Gamer guys..do you love your partner but just game a lot..or is it a lack of interest? I game too but not nearly as much as him btw.
Long term relationship people in their 20s..how often does your sex life waver? what’s the longest you’ve gone without? Do you ever feel a lack of affection?
Men. Would you be jealous or concerned in any of these situations? Would you miss your girlfriend or be mad or concerned if she started spending every single weekend at her friends house?
He can take care of our daughter, as in playing some things like puzzles etc. Nothing which needs him keeping up long or running/squatting. It isn'tt diagnosed yet, but we think it's LongCOVID.
Housework.. depends. When he does something, he complains, that he's sick and “doing everything”.
LOL.
Girl, you're daft AF.
If your thinking about investment in your home, investment in dental care is just as important considering the long term costs if you aren not seeing the dentist regularly.
You say “hey babe that was hot let me join in next time”
Honestly he sounds childish, controlling, and horrible. Your dog is marvelous and would never make petty demands on you because they’re silly and insecure. Lose the dude, keep the dog.
That's the word – compatability!
Are you sure she didn't cheat before getting married?
It wasn't. We got rid of our roommates, we were financially great, and we werent fighting as much and not as intense when we decided it was the perfect time to have a baby. Apart from the fights, we had a great relationship. I know that sounds cliche but we really did.
I am here acknowledging my faults but I do want to learn from them. Trust me, therapy can't come soon enough. I just need to get this off my chest and get some outsiders perspectives. There's a lot more to our story but I'm mainly focusing on our issues here.
Having a healthy body is one of the most important things in life OP. Body fat, especially around the belly area, can lead to health issues down the road
When you are in your 30's and still in shape from the work you put in now you will be happier than when you are out of shape in 30 trying to get into shape. Build a good base, and keep it
Have you messaged her?
Ask for a divorce she probably cheated or wanted to. By the way, if she was away, you should be one looking after the kids.
No is the answer to that demand, who says it will progress to a strong stable marriage?
I don’t want to continue anything with him anymore though and have told him twice in lengthy messages.
Stop explaining. You said you don't want to continue seeing him, that's the end of it.
He’s asked what specific reason we can’t be friends.
No reason necessary. JUST BLOCK HIM ON ALL CHANNELS. (Document his messages, it sounds like you might need them to build a case against him for harassment.)
Dump his ass