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∞ Yas ∞, 99 y.o.
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Date: October 25, 2022
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I had a guy do the same thing. We were together all the time, met his friends and co workers. He met my family. He worked on my house. Then one day he was done. I'm guessing he will come back. Don't let him. I do believe he's a narcissist based on my experience. They just run around trying on different consumes bc they're empty inside. He mirrored you so you kinda fell in love with yourself if that makes sense. My narcissist tried to come back when his next relationship failed too. I told him to f off
My ex who would do this in our bed after drinking would also try to blame some weird genetic thing saying their dad did this. It’s not normal.
Three years in, I had to leave them. They were great when sober, so sweet, funny and kind, but they were an alcoholic and weren’t interested in stopping drinking l, despite being unable to have a healthy relationship with alcohol.
Fifteen years later, I’m happily married with kids to someone else and they are living with their mom still battling their addiction, even after getting caught drinking and driving.
You can’t force him to change but you can decide what you want your life to look like. Especially if you want children in your future.
As someone who was forced to deal with someone else’s piss and told over and over again it wouldn’t happen again, unless they are stopping drinking completely — not cutting down, not switching the type of alcohol, not changing where or how often they drink — stopping completely, this will not get better and you need to choose yourself over this life. I promise the hurt will be worth your sanity.
It can, but I don’t understand why they would rather me drink as much as we do. I’ve seen how alcohol can ruin a person and it’s just strange is all. I don’t think I need to find anyone else, just wondering is there is another boundary I should set with her maybe? Thank you for your words
You are learning an important life lesson. All women are irrational.
You have to decide for yourself if it is worth traveling to see her. Is getting laid worth putting up with crazy?
Leave
He should be paying for mortgage, everything else are shared costs. Mortgage is the same whether one or two people on-line there, so OP is not losing anything. Yeah, it would be a better deal financially for OP's girlfriend than renting, but also way more risky, if they break up. Don't forget OP is also accumulating his money by having a house (and possibly having his GF paying his house off)
I hope she is at least giving you her cash or card and only making you deliver because she doesn't have the time to, and you aren't her sugar daddy now.
No, do not wait for anyone. The right person at the wrong time is still wrong for you now.
Let her focus on herself and move on. Maybe you meet someone else. Maybe your paths cross again later and it works put then. Only time will tell.
Honestly,I would,too. A huge part of me wants to say “no contact” and have a third party handle all interaction.
Don’t get rid of the anti depressants, get rid of the guy. You’re still at a perfectly healthy weight
“Sometimes she spends the whole night with him and some of her other friends. ” I still haven't told her that I know she used to kinda cheated with her ex when she used to send the Co-worker nudes while still in a relationship
Get some self respect and find someone else.
There's a difference between dry spells that happen naturally and dry spells that happen on purpose though.
Respecting your parents does not excuse making terrible life decisions. You got the order of things wrong. You first have sex and online together preferable for at least one year and only then get engaged. It is because only then you know whether marriage with this person is a good idea. Making uninformed decision about your future, because of your parents is just irresponsible. It's your future they won't pay the consequences of your potential mistakes in life, only you will.
As for this other factor, you should be straightforward about your plans where to live with her. Nothing else except for healthy conversation can solve your doubts in that regard.
Imagine how he would react to this if he was alive, the mans own fucking brother, you know the answer to this.
Distance, do not talk to this person actively and break your unhealthy ass trauma bond.
Keep your pregnancy and drag your husband to marriage counseling to get to the bottom of why he has had such a shocking change of heart. Asking you to choose between him and your baby is not ok. Especially since this pregnancy was planned and you've spent so much time and effort on IVF. There is also no guarantee that you will be able to get pregnant again. Not to mention, people normally do not abort healthy pregnancies at 16 weeks. That is pretty far along and most abortions performed at that point are because something has gone horribly wrong with the pregnancy. My fear is that if you have an abortion, you will regret it and end up resenting him. Maybe he is just feeling really anxious and handling it quite badly. A good therapist should be able to help.
Ah, true
His reaction is really sus
It's clear when people don't know what “boundaries” mean in a relationship. She deserves better than someone who has 8 years on her yet no emotional maturity.
Because yours are arbitrary, stubbornly upheld for no reason, and based on some strange notion of pride. I mean yeah, a 26 year old probably shouldn't be spending that much time at their girlfriend's parent's house, but that's probably why they shouldn't date teenagers. If that's what you're going to do, probably best to be flexible.
You were losing your temper at her because she called you out. Of course she's reasonable in not wanting you around after that.
While I have every sympathy for the situation you’re in and feel terrible that you’re losing your mum, I think it would be unfair to ask your partner not to attend an important family occasion for him. He had this booked before you knew what was happening & it’s something he should be celebrating with his family.
That being said, if I were a loving, respectful & supportive partner I’d be making the conscious decision not to go and would be staying right by your side.
I think you’ll find there are mixed opinions on this but ultimately it would be down to your partner to make the decision & trying to force the issue is likely to only cause everything to get so much worse.
Amy does have other friends, not as many but she still does.
And a good example of Amy derailing a plan because Alex wants her there is when we went out a month ago. We had made and agreed on a plan beforehand in a group chat without Amy. Me and another friend had come to Amy's house because Alex was there to pick him up, and then Alex came outside with Amy and was like “wellll Amy needs to be at work in the morning, so we have to be back by this time. That's cool right?” and it put me on the spot where I had to say it was fine because other people were waiting on us and Amy was right outside with him.
The issue is clearly with the friend, not her. His friend was being predatory from the sounds of it, and definitely crossing a line by targeting a friends wife. Tbh his wife seems very naive and she wasn’t being deceitful at all, she was persuaded into believing it would be a nice gift for her partner.
Not to the OP, but it is helpful to everyone else: don't date fucking cops.
Exactly you should tell a date that early. Otherwise you’d have the same exact situation as the OP. It’s deceitful.
They make a good point. Any Rabbi with integrity would reject you as a convert.
Is it just sexting or is there romantic feeling being shared?
OMFG! i love the idea!! just saying I'm sorry & tryin to make it right ain't gonna make it up – TELL HIM TO TELL HER HUSBAND AS PROOF to you that he is sorry & wants to repent. & AP needs to get her ass whopped too for destroying OP relationship.
Both AP & OP bf are just plain cheaters, losers, liars !! FFS just leave him as after all as he is unworthy of you.
Even in anger or frustration, you never bring up the things you know your partner is insecure about or the things that you know will hurt them most, there’s no going back from it.
There’s no definite line between how men and women handle/process hurtful comments and their emotions. Everyone takes things differently. If what someone says hurts someone else, it’s immediately wrong.
I think that it’s time to sit back and start thinking about how far you want this relationship to go. If he is not willing to change his ways, apologize for his words, and treat you kindly from now on, he’s not the one.
I know this is oh fuck I’m in trouble territory.
This is you self-sabotaging.
Nothing is wrong. Stay the course. Be yourself, get to know her, and treat her well. That's it.
Im a married guy and really don't like wearing a ring. I don't most of the time. But the fact that he is wearing a ring, just not on the married finger is kind of suspicious.
All that said, sounds like you two got bigger issues going on you need to seek help in dealing with.
I wonder whether his mother kicked him out because he was rude, lazy and immature? Maybe she hoped that moving out into the big wide world as an independent man would teach him some life skills. Unfortunately, because you have stepped up and are parenting him, he is learning nothing.
He needs you to step away. He doesn’t know it yet, but unless you do, he will not become a functioning adult. Kicking him out is the best thing you can do for him, as well as for yourself.
At 21 you should be having fun with people who appreciate you. Choose a better life for yourself. Insist that he stands on his own two feet.
Lock her on a balcony
OP gonna hop onto this thread and give u some perspective from someone tht came from an abusive relationship.
3 months was a short time. She needs therapy and to actually find her own voice and to realize that you expressing your own needs and feelings aren't a reflection on her and an attack but a healthy thing people do in healthy relationships.
When you are tht far gone and u haven't actually done the personal work to grow and forgive yourself for the guilt u feel for staying in an abusive relationship everyone after will be doomed.
You take everything personally as an opportunity to be on the defence because you are so used to having your guard up now so u don't fall bk into being the one that's under attack constantly.
This relationship is affecting your own mental health. You are both very young. She needs to heal on her own. Not by jumping into another relationship for constant reassurance and comfort.
Your needs matter too bt she won't be able to see that. It's better to stay broken up. She's gonna continue this pattern of u speaking up threatening to break up or leaving the begging to come bk.. it's emotionally draining. It's just a different cycle of abuse.
You should be having fun and getting to know yourself and trusting your own feelings better too.
Don't get bogged down. It's unhealthy for both of u!
If my husbands parents decided to take him to Paris id be very happy for him. Also money is not an issue, we make 160k+ a year. Just got back from Hawaii last week. Went on multiple ski trips over the winter, did a whole cross country road trip last fall spending time in New York and DC. Also my parents said he was more than welcome to come but quite honestly he would ruin the trip. He wouldn’t be interested in anything my mom and dad would want to do and would make me feel guilty for wanting to do things with them.