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You’ve been dating… (checks notes) a month.
You guys barely know each other. So you’re going on dates, having fun, and learning if you even like each other.
And you’re also already monitoring her behavior, pushing exclusivity.
Generally I’d say you’re moving to fast here. Your idea is to meet someone and then have them commit to you, basically immediately. Exclusivity or you hit the road. One month.
We would call this a red flag my friend. ?
you're welcome.
“pornography” ?
It's not a photo of her husband penetrating her, it's a nude female body.
You said it yourself, it's an art piece. Nudity does not always equal pornography.
OP, let it lie. I'm sure you have some weird feelings about it, but at the end of the day, I believe it's quite the compliment. Take the secret win.
I don’t blame you for “considering” giving her a second chance. You’re losing someone you really love. This is hot. Duh you have mixed feelings.
But beyond “just” the cheating there are a lot of red flags here.
If it was “just” the cheating I would tell you it will prob happen again and if you aren’t ok with that (some are, but few), then bounce before you get more and more invested.
Since she clearly doesn’t give a fuck about you for other reasons listed you def have to bounce. No ifs about it. Use your brain too.
Basically after she said the thing with her friend I said “if I feel like my life, or our lifes, are in genuine danger, I would call the police if I feel like that's necessary” and she replied with “If you do that I wouldn't want to be a witness or talk to the police and I wouldn't want you to call the police for me”, so I said “what if I call the police and then get beaten up by the side of the road and you witness it all, would you not tell the police you saw that?” and she said no
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They’re being extremely clear and it seems like they’re all done with him. I’m not sure why they’re all dancing around it instead of just telling you guys, and it’s a bit messed up that you joined in laughing at his expense. You must not be happy, or compatible.
She sounds like a narcissist who is repeatedly love-bombing and then discarding you. She will never stop. Narcissists dont change. Block her and never contact her again for your own sanity.
This screams depression, not laziness. Awesome that you have no way to relate to this if you haven't experienced any form of depression, chronic, seasonal, etc. but this doesn't omit the ability to truly empathize with her. I'd bet she has some self-awareness that she's not pulling her weight and feels like total shit about this. You both knew how she was before, when it “worked.” If she could snap her fingers, wouldn't she?
Sounds truly challenging for you, so there's empathy there. There are many helpful steps to try before quitting on her all together, especially when it sounds like she needs you the most.
Her meds may be a big part of the problem, the meds, or dosage might be off. If she indeed is severely depression, this isn't a terminal diagnosis, it's something that you both can be aware of and help her through and ultimately out of. I think the house cleaner and therapist idea's mentioned are great idea's. Why fight that?
Please don't quit on her.
I'll try and do that yes…
Throw away the trash. He cheated on you. You didn't leave after. That signaled to him you'd be easy to control. No wonder he wanted to take you from your support network back to where he had an upper hand. He didn't have reason to think you'd oppose him, since you didn't leave after he cheated. Go back to where you have people who love you and where you are empowered. Leave him.
Probably the best advice I've seen so far in here.
Girl instead of woman is definitely force of habit from knowing her for so long ?
Her response is weird. She's not the one. I'm sorry for all the shit u had to endure. It's ok that u decided not to b with your dad , and it's normal to hv conflicting feelings. I would focus on the fact that he's gone.it truly is now YOUR time. Get therapy, or not, that's up yo you. You just focus on the fact that now u can start creating new healthy memories for yourself.
As another gamer who is also a woman, defend yourself. If you need someone to white knight you when on-line trolls lose their shit because they got outplayed by a woman, you're not cut out for competitive live gaming. To be clear, that behavior is not okay and should absolutely be called out every time. And while we should all come together as a community to stand up for those who are being attacked in on-line games, the reality is that women need to stand up for ourselves. If you need a man to protect you, that just feeds the trolls.
Ya know, even if this was a fully platonic friendship (although I question it, or question the possibility of escalating), this is still a highly inappropriate situation. This man should not be spending an exorbitant amount of time in OPs home, bonding with his child and having family time to this extent. This is not fair at all or respectful of the father and marriage. You would think grown adults would know better by their age.
No problem and yeah I still don’t think contacting is the best but I do understand why. Especially since the roommate could lie to protect his friend if she does ask him about it so it wouldn’t necessarily prove he was or wasn’t cheating.
I would be honest and maybe in a public place. Because what you are saying is this man is literally two different people I would not trust his reactions. I would show him what you have printed out. And I would tell him he needs to stop and desist or she’s going to involve the police just what she said.
Then I would take a bag and go stay at somebody’s house for a few days and let him figure out what he’s doing. Also, make sure you have plenty of money, even if you have to move some from one of your accounts into an account of your own. Something is wrong here.
Thank you ❤️
She still hung up on her Ex and the Ex knows this, hence the reason why all boundaries being crossed at your expense. You should really think and reevaluate yourself and the relationship you in. Cause it doesn’t really look good from what you have presented. ✌?
No surprise if they ask OP for money now that they're becoming a doctor because “family”
And you're still with this guy because … ?
Sounds like it's time to part ways.
There is absolutely zero evidence that this is related to sexism. You are projecting. This is a you issue, not a gun issue.
Get solid evidence first
Remind me! 2 months
It's the drinking that is going to take your relationship down. That should be the focus of your concern and I would consider leaving based on that alone. Expect something like this to happen again unless changes are made.
You might be better off if she declares bankruptcy. This is not so much a relationship advice scenario (you can still be with, love and support her) as it is a finance question best posed in a subreddit for your country’s personal finance/banking community.
Some of the best engineers I've met have been women. Mostly because they want to be there rather than been told it's a career that a technically minded man should have.
Also none of them take any shit.
At this point you are either a go with her or you are in the friendzone.
The way to find out is to try and give her a kiss.
Don’t ask her if she likes you or would like to be your gf or talk about relationships or any of that. It just gets weird and ruins the moment, if not the opportunity. Just try to give her a kiss. That will demonstrate your interest and test hers.
Best way is next time you go out, take her home and when you are saying goodbye, wait a second and then ask if you can give her a kiss goodbye. If she asks why, just say you started developing feelings.
For romance you need to risk the friendship. But in most such boy/girl friendships, at least one person is interested in romance anyway. In this situation there’s a pretty good chance the feelings are mutual.
Anyone who read this whole thing deserves an award.
Stop making up things your therapist said to manipulate and abuse your wife.
This entire relationship is insane and extremely immature. You're both too old to still be acting like this.
Cutting you out of her life will be the best thing she's ever done.
Tell her you’re not ready for a serious relationship and are just trying to figure yourself and life out while in college
I think you should move forward without him in your life. He dont pay you rent for that space in your head.
You deserve more, online your best live without him
!updateme
Has your friend never heard of BYOB? You are not being unreasonable, your friend is lol. Also you are right, who is thinking about alcohol selection at 11 am?
How are you doing, OP?
She said that I can refuse doing it if I don't want to just that she might still have that thought and she just wants me to be aware of it and not keep me in the dark about her feelings. She says she still loves me and wants to be with me. I completely see where you are coming from though. That is a thought I have had