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♡ K ♡, 21 y.o.
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Date: November 5, 2022
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Oof… So instead of being a man and talking to her you come here to feel bad about yourself and release the pressure of telling someone.
So now you know, your friends know, reddit knows. But she doesn’t? Do you WANT her to be treated badly? Are you the most selfish and narcissistic ever?
Yeah, i’m not going to be nice.
I don’t know why, but for some reason I caved and said yes (despite knowing she wasn’t nearly as drunk as me and what she was doing could’ve been considered harassment at that point).
This is a lie and you know it. Be truthful with yourself as until you are you will be just lying to avoid facing the truth. You can’t really be regretful if you say things like this
Long story short, we ended up both sleeping in my bed and were feeling each other up the whole night. No sex, no making out, nothing else but that. Despite some of my friends telling me this “wasn’t really cheating,” I know it most certainly is.
Of course it is. It’s also wierd and very hot to believe to be honest. Feeling up all night but no making out?
I’m beyond angry with myself. I thought I was better than this, but I guess I’m not. And I’m sure it was born out of some childish insecurity that I guess I haven’t matured past yet.
Definetly not mature. You need to find the reason and be truthful about it
Despite knowing this and feeling incredibly guilty for about two months, I can’t bring myself to tell my girlfriend.
So you’ve been selfish enough to feel sorry for yourself, the party that is to blame, but also been selfish enough to lie constantly to your girlfriend for two straight months? That’s incredibly disrespectful to her and a huge insult.
Yes, I’m disgusted with myself.
No you aren’t. This is posturing so you can believe you are a good person. None of you actions support this.
Yes, I know it’s the morally right thing to do,
So why haven’t you done it?
but I also know for a fact that I’ve changed and grown since that moment,
Bullshit. What have you done that shows you’ve changed and grown? Felt bad for yourself? That’s what a child does. Told your friends who support you and reinforce your wrong belief that you “are a good person” and it “wasnt cheating”?
and I will never ever do anything like that again.
Yes you will. You did it, pretend you don’t know. (Probably) Lied about the facts. Talked to those that said it wasnt a problem. Spoke about it anonymously on-line. Hid it from your girlfriend.
You did everything to reinforce your behaviour and make YOURSELF feel better and did nothing to atone or attempt to fix the issue.
You will definitely do it again and will say the same things…
I just feel like if I genuinely have changed,
No. You didn’t do anything that changes anything.
there’s really no point in telling her at this point.
Ah… this is where you wanted to get. You’ll soon be saying that NOT telling her is best for her…
Our relationship is probably in the best place it’s ever been now,
You cheated on her. It’s probably in the WORST place ever. Thing is that both people in the relationship, one wants to believe this so he can feel good about himself and keep going, and the other doesn’t know.
If she knew where the relationship REALLY was, would she say the same?
and I want to do anything to not fuck that up.
Waaayyyy to late for that. You fucked it up 2 months agor and have been fucking it up every single day.
This isn’t a relationship anymore. Its just you lying to her daily about who you both are.
I know I sound like a dickhead who’s full of shit and I don’t blame anyone for thinking that.
Doesn’t sound like it. If we look at the actions, they are exclusively one of a dickhead.
Those are the only facts. The rest is your rationalization to make yourself feel good
I’m just so lost and I have no idea what to do anymore.
You aren’t lost at all. You are the only one that knows where they are.
Your girlfriend is the one thats really lost.
And you know what to do. You are trying so very hot to find reasons not to do it because your too cowardly to own up to your actions. (Too adult for you?)
Some of my friends say to tell her, some say don’t tell her and break up with her, some say don’t tell her and stay with her. I’ve pretty much heard it all from my friends, so I would greatly appreciate an outside perspective.
Man. Run a twitter poll…
Imagine your girlfriend whole college discussing whether she should tell you or not the guy she literally slept with and “felt her up”.
I think John sleeping and “feeling up” u/Street_Knowledge_519 girlfriend should be known to him well us 7 discussed it last month and we feel no.. The guys at the team say that sleeping and feeling up u/Street_Knowledge_519 girlfriend isn’t cheating and she should just tell him anyway
Thank you to whoever read all of this. I’m sorry I wasted ur time with my adolescent bullshit.
Oh no. It’s not our time you wasted. But your girlfriends.
You have a choice:
be a man and own up to your mistake. Treat your partner with respect and take the lessons that come with making mistakes. Change comes from action, not from writing a post about it don’t be a man and keeping insulting your girlfriend every day. Convince yourself its ok to stay quiet and that nothing really happened. That you learnt your lesson by talking to the whole campus about cheating on your girlfriend, and that you don’t reallly know why you did it anyway. But deep down know that you do hate yourself, and that you aren’t half of who you want to be
You still have a choice. You can still be the person you want to be. And still be the person you want to find in your partner.
You slipped up. It all depends on how you deal with it. That’s REAL change.
And do it now. Every second hurts her more. Let her go and let her be happy, with someone else if whe wants. She deserves better and you know it.
Have a wonderful day.
Sure. I’m sure your soul feels a bit better now you’ve told thousands more. Someday your girlfriend will find out and you don’t even have to tell her. You will have avoided so much taking responsibility and harmed her so much by then that rather than go through the pain and shame today, you’ll carry it for the rest of your life…
I’m so sorry, but the paragraph describing them as swines and how misogynistic they are before saying “now the dilemma” made me laugh.
People are the company they keep. The people you are close to are a reflection of parts of you. If he really didn’t like those men he wouldn’t be friends with them. If he didn’t like those men he wouldn’t want to go on a trip with them. Your boyfriend is one of them. Your boyfriend allows them to talk trash about you.
You don’t have to be a controlling girlfriend and say he can’t go. I don’t know why you want to be with this boy but fine. You can just be the girlfriend who is absolutely miserable and treated like shit instead.
What a man will tolerate from a woman just blows my mind sometimes.
Doesn't seem like you have a open conversation with your parents, right? It seems like you have too options, find a job and move out, or try to bear it while you still are studying. If you move out there are a lot of things you will have to figure it out, but as long you have a place to stay and a job you can work it out.
You bf probably got porn addiction, it's pretty bad and can get to extremes quickly. Plus the bad habit of lying is the worst thing for a couple :/
I guess you could try to confront him directly ? And you should probably try to cure his addiction with him
Not rude, definitely say how you feel but, how can you see what he likes on Instagram? Asking for a friend
I think this is sort of a red flag, maybe you can ask him to elaborate further as to why he doesn't want to post you on social media, like have a sit-down conversation about it instead of something out of the blue to suss out why he feels this way.
Speaking from experience, my now ex (thank god) did not post me on any of his social media accounts (I did not have social media at the time partly because he would make a huge stink about it) at all, and I never really cared because I didn't have social media so I barely paid attention to it. BUT come to find out, he didn't post me because he was cheating on me for the majority of our relationship. He wanted to, on social media, present as a single guy most likely to avoid questioning of loyalty, etc. Full disclosure, a lot of our common friends, believe my ex is a sociopath so this is an extreme case. I hope this is not the case with your boyfriend but just wanted to add some context as to why I think it may be sort of a red flag. All the best!
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Yes, it is the first time it has happened between us. I leaned down to check and see if he was still wearing the condom he said yes and I noticed he was soft and then he jumped up.
I will be adopting him this year soon. And yes birth mother gave up rights.
Sounds like he might have a gaming addiction. Coming from someone who also struggles with a video game addiction as an adult man.
I dunno. This sounds like a justification for pointless masochism. Nobody’s going to give you extra brownie points for this (or even care) and all you’re doing is making yourselves unhappy for an entirely self-inflicted reason.
I mean….as long as you're fine with being Plan D, I guess? Because you definitely got ditched from being Plan A, then she moved away, so I'm guessing there were at least a couple of plans in between that haven't worked out!
But, in all seriousness. You are handing her all the power in the relationship – she chooses to stay, she could choose to ditch you again, with no warning. Are you happy living on eggshells, waiting for the other shoe to drop? A second try at a relationship will never work if you don't work through the issues that caused it to collapse the first time.
She got to ghost away from you without any communication and now she's decided it's back om, without any communication. Locate your spine. A 'dream girl' doesn't treat you like something she lost interest in, until she rediscovered it in the back of a cupboard.
I think it’s a natural human urge. The vast majority of us have thought of people outside our relationships
Yes, but OP’s partner allowed those thoughts to cross the threshold into real life.
She told you, it doesn’t diminish her feeling for you.
But it does. Her going out of her way to get drunk and flirt with another man clearly shows her feelings for OP are diminished to some degree. Otherwise, the thought and urge would have stayed as a thought and urge.
I would let it go, you love her, she made a mistake.
Two things:
Live! alone is a shitty reason to stay in a relationship
It wasn’t a “mistake”. She went out of her way to seek the attention of another man, while away from her partner. That’s an intentional act that she now regrets. Not the same thing as a mistake.
I would've definitely left the very same night, had I been in your shoes…
OP are you just looking to vent?
Clearly he is being a douche by wanting you to be faithful and act like a gf, but also not making it official so we can cheat or leave at a moment’s notice and not be a bad guy cause you “were not dating” lol.
C’mon now, keep it real OP.
I mean to be fair it’s not like everyone marries the love of their lives.
Yeah for real tho. A 30 year old has no business behaving like this. Goddamn. And I thought my ex wife had a drinking problem but not like that
To me it sounds like she’s done with the relationship. She doesn’t know why and doesn’t want to break up with you because she has no definable reason, but she’s ready to move on. I’m guessing you’re a great person but the two of you are not right for each other. I think maybe have the conversation that you’re both great people but not great together and move on.
This is a snapshot of a one-year relationship, and I'm not looking for reasons to break up. I'm not sure where I've said that. What the points I brought up had in common, were related to the trust/open conversation issue, seems the nuance was not clear to you. I think it's ok to have downtimes in a relationship. And true, a therapist would be good, but I don't think I'm there yet. Thanks for taking the time.
How long are these periods of time when she's not looking at your texts?
If I found my 35 year old penis was growing, I'd investigate and find out why in secret
Then I'd be posting at the patent office, not on reddit
It's a stupid point because most people don't seek out these situations and find themselves in it but because they have had this experience a lot they are projecting it onto all of society.
Exactly.
That’s… the point of the post!
Tbh if this were me I'd either throw a drink in the dad's face or outright slap him. Maybe then he will get the message? Regardless, you shouldn't be with someone who allows his family to harass you. My husband would be disgusted and probably fight his dad if he ever said anything like that to me. The dad is a POS and the boyfriend doesn't fall far from the tree either.
Ok but if y'all want me to pick one or the other I should get to know what Daniel is like.. let's use our common sense ???
You too..
If he had asked her “is there anything in your sexual past I should know about?” and she didn't mention it, then yeah.
You are misunderstanding the general definition of a lie by omission. There is no requirement that the person being lied to must request certain information and be denied to truth of it, for a lie of omission.
All that's required for a lie of omission is that OP's wife know the OP is operating under an incorrect assumption and that knowing the truth about that assumption would be important information for OP to know.
This is the way it should be. Good for you OP. Your wife must feel cherished ?
Fj be j
Well then he’s an absolute hypocrite for criticizing you for “not doing anything to help political issues to change”. Call him out on it.
Why talk to them?