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♥꧁dannaxlove꧂♥, 22 y.o.
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Date: October 10, 2022
We did have a serious talk and the reason she brought up the break up was that before we met in person I would look at girls on my phone and she didn't like that and I have controlled that part but the only thing is that now I looked in person. And it's not that I'm defensive it's that I can't tell her something that she does that bothers me without her saying something about me.
Feels like the cheating hit you hard..
Don’t do it
Yeah, I'm honestly a little shocked OP even had to ask if this is abuse, and I don't mean that in a rude way. This just sounds pretty clear cut to me
Is the issue you not going with them or is the issue he is spending money on that instead of proposing?
I'd be bummed about not going to Hawaii but if I was invited I'd expect to pay my way too since it's such an expensive trip. (It's even expensive for an American and I live! in Seattle). Not sure if you're in a financial spot to pay your own way.
If it's about a future proposal, just sit back and wait. You've got a good guy.
Don’t mix business with pleasure.
Same thoughts and that's probably why he ain't ready to move and only see her once or twice a week..
True.
And part of the reason homes are cheaper there is because you don’t own the mineral rights. So they can be fracking for natural gas and such right under your house in the middle of Dallas if it makes sense.
Thanks for your thoughts. Honestly, (in regards to Peter) things are fine between them at work now but he still feels like this. He truly only sees good in people and gives them the benefit of the doubt for far too long. I'm different. I am very trusting and empathetic until it runs out. Then it is impossible to gain my trust back.
Peter also feels like we 'abandoned' her since she was mostly hurt by us 'ghosting' her. I don't think this it's my responsibility.
Bro…what!? End this relationship and wish her well in therapy. This too much for a 21 year old kid to unpack and weather.
First how she broke your trust? Then why are you with somebody you can't trust. You have your own issues that you need to address the fact you are with someone you can't trust.
Second the fact you had unprotected sex with your previous partners and never made them pregnant is not a tangible argument that you can't make your gf pregnant. The previous partners were on BC or took an after pill.
Third instead of fertility test take a paternity test to see whether or not the baby is yours. You can do prenatal test but that'd take some time.
You didn't fuck up. He's just way too immature and insecure. Lol my husband and I straight up talked about which celebrities we'd like to have sex with if we could. And no one was angry or insecure but it's just… talking. It's normal to find people, celebrities included, attractive. Your boyfriend's ego must be super fragile.
Tell him that if he's not willing to be in a serious, monogamous relationship, he needs to stop buying you things. Because you are not interested in being his sugar baby.
There was no reason for him to leave the party with that girl unless it was to cheat on you. I’m really sorry, how gross of him.
Regardless of if you believe it's emotionally charged or not doesnt change the fact that its true.
I'm not sure if you understood my point here, which is that it's not true (in that it's not representative of elective abortions, which are the kind we are discussing).
This is view isnt based on anything we've learned about embriology. The fetus exists at conception regardless of whether or not you think it's a person yet.
At conception, it is literally not a fetus according to field of EMBRIOlogy. I said nothing about personhood because it's irrelevant to my argument. For the sake of argument though, let's go ahead and grant it full personhood the second the sperm hits an egg.
The abortion debate is about at what point the fetus right to online outweighs the womans bodily autonomy.
No person at any stage of development has the right to use another person's body to survive without their consent. Not a child, not a teenager, not an adult, and not an infant or a fetus. The law cannot compel a parent to donate even a single drop of blood to give to a child that needs a transfusion, even if the child would die without it. Organs and tissues cannot even be take from a corpse without prior consent to be a donor because that violates bodily integrity. Banning abortion grants a corpse more rights that a living breathing person and elevates an embryo/fetus over every other person.
In a society where abortion is legal she could choose between raising the kid alone, abortion, adoption or not having sex with guys unless she knows theyd stick around for the kid.
This punishes children for the mistakes of their parents, and since many children end up in foster care, burdens the taxpayer either through supporting a single mother and child, or supporting the child through foster care. Both are expensive when the father and mother are the ones responsible for providing for that child. Of course in some cases the state/federal goverment ends up picking up the tab regardless, but why make this the default?
OP this!
She's the one backing you into a corner so she's the one who is wrong. Don't burn any bridges, simply say what he did was horrible but he's still your dad. Tell her you'll be around if she's ever ready to come back into your life.
Uh… you're totally missing why this is problematic. You and your friend are arguing over who gets to sleep with a woman when she's obviously not doing okay, as per your comment that she was sad when you slept with her. Which is also gross. So your friend is using a girl who has feelings for him for sex. Dick move. You are capitalizing on her vulnerability stemming from said situation. Dick move. Sorry bud but yta and I hope you learn how to listen and think with your big head.
Right but she also takes birth control every day which messes with your hormones and is very hot to remember sometimes (see this post) the responsible thing would be to use a condom or abstain from sex sure, But he’s also having sex and can buy condoms considering she is the one usually responsible for their birth control
It depends. Did he say ‘no homo’ beforehand?
Do you even like this girl? Doesn't seem like you want to put any effort in and you seem to dislike her values
You’re a moron if you continue this relationship
You can’t make this shit up
Agreed, thanks for the honesty.
I mean the fact that you’re in a long term committed relationship but your bf doesn’t talk to you about anything and then leaves for 3 days and assumed you know he’s moved on? Wut
He sounds deeply unpleasant to be around.
What in God’s name hobby is 1300???!! Like what?!
You stayed by his side at his worst, tolerated his abuse, and he says he can't handle a little bit of weight gain?!
You don't need to look 'good' for your husband. You should only look 'good' for yourself.
Get rid of him.
I’d talk. The break isn’t doing anything.
Yes, I'd like to talk and come to a fair agreement on boundaries
The sexual incompatibility is her wanting to piss on him and him not wanting it bc he got forced into that by someone else
Also it makes no sense. ‘I was depressed and not doing well, so I got a handjob’ ? Uhhh no that’s cheating, however he wants to dissect it. It’s baffling it only ‘feels like cheating’ to him like lmaoo what??
You did the right thing. Not another second to be wasted thinking about him
The best part is you came here for advice and the most common advice is not to communicate and find out his change of mind, but more commonly is leave/divorce. You need to have a conversation with your boyfriend and if no resolution is made. Then you need to think about what is most important to you, definitely not what strangers who are not invested in your life. Even my 2 cents are worthless here.
There's not always a fix. Ask him how big of a deal it is to him or if he thinks he'll get over it with time. That's the best you can do.
As someone who was in an abusive relationship for 3 years I will ask you to please leave him.
He's no longer the man you once knew, he's delusional and refuses help and is extremely abusive to you. You are not safe and he won't change without accepting help which he refused. Get out while you can. It'll only get worse.
Knocking down her confidence by saying she's not cut out for uni?
If you truly believe that your “mental health will suffer” then you shouldn't stay together. While actual “mental health” means something entirely different to what you're stating, it can at least be stressful to be in a relationship with someone you clearly have no trust in.
did he not explicitly tell her that he met his friend “at an old job” when he actually met him through an ex who happened to be his wife? think wherever you want but to say that it isn’t a lie is just plain wrong
That's good for his sake, regardless of whether you stay or leave. I figured I should respond though as, while I still stand by the advice in my OC, something that completely went over my head while writing that up was the fact that he's held this relationship for years while with you, the entire relationship even…. THAT is very concerning, and doesn't bode well for his “honesty”. He lied to you for your entire relationship and you were non the wiser… Why he felt the need to cut this off now and tell you, and why he felt there wasn't an issue with this 2nd relationship are two very important questions for him.
Beyond that, if you are leaning towards trying to mend the relationship, I'd advise to think long and hard on the fact that he maintained and lied about this relationship for all this time. For his sake (and yours if you decide to stay) I hope he's being 100% genuine/honest, but this is a pretty severe level of infidelity….
“So me and my now ex bf met at a bar three months ago”
Okay, so 12, maybe 13 weeks.
“Two months or so into dating”
Okay, so this was five, maybe six weeks ago.
“A month later”
So, two weeks ago at most.
“The day after that talk, he started answering less and being distant and kinda mean… it lasted two weeks”
So, we're at today now.
“then three weeks after”
Oh dear, now you're writing about the future as though it's already happened. Even if we give you an extra two weeks assuming that “two months or so” might be closer to one month than two, we're still a week in the future.
“A week after”
Two to four weeks in the future.
“It's been like three weeks and he still texts every like 2days approximately”
So he's “been” texting you every couple of days (you know you can block phone numbers, right?) somewhere between a month and two months in the future.
OP, you're the least reliable narrator I've seen in here, and that is really saying something. You need to sort out your timeline, at minimum – maybe doing that will help you sort out your feelings and identify how your own behavior was contributing to your situation. But since you're not even asking for advice – just asserting, at long last, “I think I deserve better than that” – I'm going to go ahead and assume this is partly to mostly bullshit. And flag it for not being an advice request.
Oh! I thought you meant threesome. Erm no, he barely uses his phone, he’s always playing PlayStation, hates going out, and spends most his time indoors. He works from home too. I have access to his phone and everything and he doesn’t talk to a single girl
Not at all
Yes sorry, I was crying when I was typing that all out. I’m usually better with grammar lol. I appreciate everything you’ve said and you taking the time to write it all out for me. It will be helpful whether I use that today or in a few weeks. I appreciate you.
Girl, pack your shit grab your kid n walk da fuck away. A duschbag like that won't ask for custody. YOU deserve better, YOU deserve the best.