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♥️Independent Model♥️, 23 y.o.
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Date: October 17, 2022
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People blame you for talking about how attractive you are but regardless you are just in the right. You deserve better
I honestly love it. Seeing a smile on her face is awesome. The little things that let her know you appreciate her. Sorry not sorry I'm a romantic.
She has told you from the very start that she wants 2 children. You kept it vague and looseygoosey and said “idk maybe I want kids maybe not, blah blah” and then she got pregnant and you guys had a kid. She probably took that to mean that you were on board with her long term plan that she had been upfront about to you SINCE THE START of the relationship. She probably thought if you weren’t on board you definitely wouldn’t waste 8 years of her childbearing abilities, stringing her along with no intention of giving her what she wanted from the start.
But my dude, that’s sort of what you did. You guys have been together since she was 32. Her fertility window is now closing- an issue that men don’t have to deal with or even think about. She has spent 8 years of her prime childbearing years with you, and now when she’s coming up to the end of that, you’ve finally managed to get yourself together and decide what you want- and it’s not what she’s told you she wants for almost a decade.
She has, once again, proven to be a much more decisive communicator than you, and has told you what she wants. She wants a second baby. She wants that more than she wants to keep this relationship with you- so you have a choice to make. Do you want to break up and remain coparents, splitting custody of your shared kid, or do you want to stay together and have another kid? Keep in mind that either way you will end up doing more work- it’s a lot harder to be a single dad with shared custody than it is to be a dad with a partner who lives with them. Instead of both of you doing 50% of the work 100% of the time, you’ll do 100% of the work 50% of the time. And if you stay together obviously two kids are more work than one.
Honestly, the part that baffles the most of this is that you two were together for 6 years before she got pregnant ACCIDENTALLY. That means likely if she hadn’t gotten pregnant you would have just kept going, actively avoiding the issue of whether or not to have kids. The only reason this ultimatum didn’t happen 2 years ago is because she got pregnant by accident. You got another 2 years of avoidance out of it.
She set clear boundaries, you are just listening to them.
She doesn't want you to have a relationship with your niece so that also Includes gift giving, you only give gifts to people you have relations too anyways!
Seems like your sister needs to get a better head on her shoulders or else it's going to further drive you two away!
She should get over the problem's between you two or come to a comprise for her child to have a aunt that cares and gives gifts!!!!! But until then don't budge!!!
Thank you for that. That it was bridal jewelry makes this post make more sense, in that the daughter isn't likely to get married, so why would she need bridal jewelry? (I don't know, maybe because it was her mothers?)
I know you don't want to hear this, but his anger is only going to get worse. What kind of man treats his woman like this? Why do you think a complete stranger came over to ask you if you were ok? Because he is abusive.
Stop asking strangers if this is ok. Call your Mom or Dad or a friend and move on. Today. Every fucking abuser always say they need to work on their anger.
I'm sorry, but the issue is no longer your abusive man child. It's now you, the abused because you don't see it for what it is, and instead of protecting yourself, you've turned to strangers on Reddit for advice. You already know the answer.
Whatever catches your attention.
It's YOUR attention. Why let anyone else influence it?
Oh, idk how I missed that.
She needs to leave him, same as like 90% of all posts in this sub lol
I would discuss with the police that if she sends pictures to the school then she is most likely commiting a criminal act, either privacy violations, blackmail or porn distribution type of crime (not that it is but it might come under that banner) also stalking laws.
I would look at a lawyer and therapist because he he needs to talk to someone not emotionally involved to start with.
Get rid of this loser. What is wrong with you to even consider marriage in such a bad relationship. Get some help for yourself. And have higher standards and expectations about respect and communications.
Ask him to show you.
Is she on your bill, or do you send her money every month to pay her separate bill?
If you had the safety net of a functional family/friends he wouldn’t be criticizing your personality. He’s aware of your position. Your paranoia sounds like eggshells.
You should ask yourself what would happen to her if there was an accident and you died. There are resources out there for people who are mentally ill that you need to look into. I would contact your local social services and behavioral health entities and tell them about your wife's situation. Tell them you are presently living with an adult family member who has become violent and increasingly incapable of functioning on her own. Ask what resources are available because you can no longer on-line with someone who hit you with a closed fist. Your safety is an issue here. You do not have to say she is your wife. If she is mentally ill and unable to function on her own, she should quality for some form of assistance and support. The process will not be fast, nor will it be easy, but that is the start along a path which will allow you to leave her without leaving her helpless.
The other thing you can and should do immediately is couples therapy and your wife needs individual therapy. If she refuses, tell her that divorce is on the table. She needs to understand that there are dire consequences to not working on her issues.
You got a good point thanks for that different perspective.
Yes, absolutely let him suffer.
Exactly! He doesn't even know her that well but has just decided for himself that she's anorexic and needs his help, good grief.
I never understand men like this. If a man that I barely knew tried to lecture me on my weight like this i'd be done so fast. Even if she was anorexic it's not his place to be in her face about it.
YEP. The amount of times Ive given the “I have a boyfriend time,” only for them to see it as a challenge or say Im lying. Like dudes all Im trying to do is let you down gently because a lot of yall have the fragilest egos and cant take “no” for an answer, which puts me in possible danger. So yeah, a lot times anymore I just take their number than immediately block them once I am in a safe place to do so.
There was an excellent post a few years ago about a maid of honor that pulled that off haha. True hero
Doesn't sound like he's joking. He's expressing his real feelings and can't admit it, IMO.
We were dating for 3 months. We been official for 3 weeks
In addition to what everyone else is saying, I have to point out that the statements he’s making are not truthful, realistic observations. It is not objectively true that most women have perkier breasts, or that you are not slim. Those are not facts. Those are negative comparisons, and there is only one reason he would say them to you unprompted. He wants to cut you down. He is negging you in order to lower your self esteem on purpose. Whatever his motivation, this is not a kind, helpful, or loving thing to do to a stranger, much less someone you purport to care about.
This must bu very naked. Shame is a miserable emotion. Your lack of intimacy, physical,separation, and approach to your relationship issues are painful and may not improve.
If I understand your post correctly, you understand some law basics. Time for a legal separation.
Do not commingle finances or move in together. .
Do not be blackmailed. If she tries to blackmail you, go no contact. Divorce is not my go to solution, but it is a strong possibility. You marriage is making you both unhappy.
Sally sounds like…not a great friend. Does she always have a way of turning things into being about her and her feelings? Does she frequently make mountains out of molehills so you all have to scramble to appease her? To be honest just from reading the little you wrote I think that even when she was going doing with the engagement plan she would have managed to make it about her involvement on her birthday. If, however, you think back carefully about your friendship over the years and this isn't part of a pattern, maybe you can chalk it up to stress from something else being misdirected here. It doesn't make her making your proposal (which you kept mostly to yourselves except for an accidental comment that could have easily been moved on from) about her and spending two entire days dealing with it afterward okay, and when she's calmed down you should talk to her about how that is not okay. (If you can't talk to her about that without starting more drama, then she is the first type of friend I was talking about).
Yea I fully blame myself for even allowing him to be a groomsman. I should have protected myself better.
Lol is it wrong to be conveying stories & getting advice on other ppl’s behalf? Stfu trying to act all mighty. If u aren’t here to provide useful advice might as well mind ur own business.
Your title says you feel like your wife has given up on things. It sounds like you’re the one who has given up. Unfortunately no one can help your wife with her trauma until she’s ready to address it and work through it. It affects every aspect of your life until you learn tools to deal with it. I don’t know what to say about getting her to change or look at her behavior. It sounds like you’ve tried. It’s okay to leave if you’re not happy.
Are you concerned about him coming to your house? Gated communities can be great, but they are not necessarily the most secure.
Maybe for future dates you should start in public places before inviting them home, even if you’re friends before. I don’t let anyone I’m dating know where I live! for at least the first month or two.