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❤️ Eskoll ❤️, 23 y.o.
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Date: October 18, 2022
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A wallet and underwear are fairly personal gifts. I would suggest the sword you mention, then maybe go shopping with him to find underwear or a wallet he may like if you are intimate and dating in a few months. I am picky about my wallet and underwear, and would want some choice in what I would be using.
Sir! This actually sounds like a stressful, unstable, toxic and manipulative relationship. Definitely not amazing.
I'm more qualified with a wider range of skills so it was easier for me to find a seconds job. Although he's paid well in his job, his skills aren't really specialised.
Okay so I think you have a problem. Generally people think about things logically.
You do not. Here's the reason why, it's logically to understand that in order to break your word, you have to understand you are doing so. That doesn't mean you get drunk and aren't responsible. Even then you understand getting drunk but are still the driver.
In this case you didn't even think audio porn was porn because you'd been 'using' visual porn of your partner.
Once you considered the audio and categorised it as being breaking your word it either made you want to (maybe exaggerating) or actually throw up. This is not really a normal response which makes me think.
You are looking for ways to make yourself feel bad. Your relationship is one where you are the bad party and fixed into a pattern of self loathing and restrictions. You are needing something other than your partner.
Any or all of these might be applicable. But in most relationships there is at least an understanding about porn and some shared agreement, not a dictation by one party. If you find it difficult, it might mean this agreement doesn't fit you.
As well it sounds pretty strange to want to feel bad. But it is pretty common, as well to see oneself as both victim and guilty. I think I remember reading something once about the person who hates themselves secretly admires themselves for hating themselves. It is somewhat similar to when people have negative intrusive thoughts they think more and more reasons of why they are a failure etc.
Good luck, but please seek help (outside of your relationship).
I used to take ambien and I quit taking it because of the side effects. One of them being sleep walking to the point where I have had conversations with people and didn't remember them. I've also seen cases where people have gotten into a car and driven while taking ambien and never remembered it. So there's a very good chance that every word your husband is saying it's true. You could possibly be coming on to him and leading him to believe that you're not asleep when you in fact are. This is something you might want to have a long conversation with your doctor about.
It’s 2 years until your hormones regulate after birth
There is no right way. The best option like you said is to do it once she is home surrounded by support. Just rip of the bandaid and tell her its over. Be short, sweet and direct with it. Once you start explaining, you will backtrack or get cold feet. Goodluck.
You owe it to everybody involved to get the dna testing done, and if she is not your biological child, find the other family.
Could have missed it. This is not my primary focus atm.
He's very clearly not interested. Cut ties and move on.
Yeah I’m so confused at this story
BUT is this just the guy who helps you decide what classes to take? ?? If so he's protecting the university, and not you, by telling you not to report it anywhere else. I thought it was an actual psychologist type counselor, in which case he should still be concerned and providing for her welfare, while also encouraging your protection via reporting to multiple channels.
Well that is true but the reason I am not pursuing it further just now is because my grievances are there in an official paper. It's called a “grievance record” in my university. Not sure what it is elsewhere. It is signed by him, and I can ask him for an email copy.
I am also going to speak to the dep. Dean once about this to see further what can be done, and the counselor agreed on this, in the sense of “feel free to do so” kind of way. I don't want to go to the cops or additional campus authorities right now because I trust his judgement. Even if his main motive is to just protect the university, he will have to take action, because if a similar incident happens another time, I'm going for a restraining order.
In terms of dorm director, he did not explicitly ask me not to talk them myself but rather suggested he do it, because his word would be more influential according to him.
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I’m not keen on him having a big commute. I’m self employed and can’t move my business, so it’s a tricky one.
He could work from home on some days- but I don’t think that’s ideal.
He said he doesn’t want to contribute towards my home as he would be bettering me and not bettering himself – which is frustrating as he’s sending so many mixed messages. I’ve said we would work bills and expenses fairly and in proportion to our earnings, but he’s still very vague about his opinions on this.
Currently he contributes £200 per month, but I spend all of that on groceries and food for us on the weekends.
He’s been “promised” a new job at his current workplace… but he’s been promised £10k salary increases before which have turned out to be £2k… so I don’t really trust what his work say. He enjoys his work, especially socially, so I don’t want him to leave if he enjoys it.
Tonight he’s told me he does really want to on-line in with me… but I just don’t know how long I can go on like this. I wish I could have a partner who I lived with properly.
I'm willing to bet he has never spoiled you with something expensive that you wanted. It was all about him.
Are you gonna sleep with her? If not, why are you worried about her diseases?
I think the fact that you waited until the end of your post to mention he’s married means you know it’s wrong and probably one sided. You are 23 years old, not 15. You know he’s unavailable. The fact that you need strangers on the internet to tell you to leave a married man alone and not to pursue him shows that you have no boundaries nor respect for others who have them. Hell even the fact that you are playing with the idea of reporting him shows that. Report him for what?
You need to put your head down and get the work done. You are a grown adult woman in STEM. Start acting like it.
That seems like a great place to keep a pill if you want it to get lost tbh.
OP sounds very immature even in her responses in the comments.
Your oldest is an entitled spoiled adult. I wouldn’t be giving her another penny but that’s me. She clearly doesn’t see and appreciate all the help you do give. She needs to grow up and maybe now is the time for her to do that. She’s 25 and not even paying rent and then blames you for losing her job??? Yeah no way Jose!! Cut her off and show her what it really means to be an adult and I’m sure her tune will chance once she realizes exactly how much help you DO provide. This is honestly sad but also her issue to work on. You did nothing wrong
Stop. It's stupidly fake. No boss is telling his assistant how much he earns ffs.
Yeah there’s something really weird to me, about someone who loves to watch someone fuck and someone be fucked. Really awkward to me. My ex told me his phone was filled with porn. Like downloaded onto his phone. He said he needed to “clear out his phone” when we got into a relationship bc I voiced it to him that porn made me really self conscious and I don’t like my partner consuming it. Instead we made our own videos, and he told me that as long as he had our pics and videos he didn’t need to watch porn. But the dude was definitely a sex addict. Or porn addict or both because I think he would just lie and watch porn anyways and just hide it from me 🙁 I never went thru his phone one time. Never even tried. Never wanted to. But yeah. He had them downloaded. Like you’re a true addict if you have to have it downloaded into your phone. I really hate to think too that our generation is so saturated with porn consumption that it has become something “normal” and nearly a form of entertainment like watching a show on tv. And if you’re against it then you’re uptight and selfish and controlling.
wouldn’t do it at work
Wtf? Men be jacking off at work?
Please don’t answer that. I was happier not knowing.
Move on. None of that sounds like it is going to lead to happy healthy relationship.
You were raped, some call it date rape but that’s just trying to make it sound less awful than it is.
Just so you know, he will do this to you again. While I would press charges, I understand you probably don’t want to, but you should definitely break up with him and make it clear to him that what he did is rape, no matter how he tries to rationalise it or justify it.
Consent requires 2 enthusiastic yes’s. Not one person begging and physically dominating the other person until they shut down and just let it happen.
If there’s any solace here, it’s the fact that he told you when he logically could have said nothing. He clearly sees this as a non-issue.
Now, that doesn’t mean it’s a non-issue. They clearly have a close relationship, and maybe it legitimately is completely platonic and this was just whatever.
As for your question? To be fair to you, I think it’s just entirely subjective. If you think they are, then they are. I think there are absolutely specific types of massages where there’s no doubt in that regard, but I’m here assuming he rubbed her shoulders for a minute. You’ll have to let us know.
Having said that, whether we define it as “intimate” or not, I do absolutely think it’s inappropriate. They’re coworkers. Was this at work?
You are closer in age to the daughters than the man. The dog is not getting trained enough. He does not care. He is not on your side (although I agree that you yelling at her was wrong)
I figured as much. 🙂 I will adjust my original comment to reflect that I was speaking more to a general/broad audience than to you, specifically.
I can't believe this man that I barely knew but let move in has abused/ molested/ murdered my child. Now everyone calls me a bad mom and I don't know why??!!??
YTA Most men don’t need much to be happy but at the top of that list is to be “wanted by your partner”. I totally get you are exhausted and nobody owes anybody sex but he will be deeply hurt
Maybe one of the hardest things is communication around sex. Especially for guys I think, communication is not what we do. I suggest you make a list of your feelings and prioritize them. Pick the top two you want to talk about. Plan on keeping the talk simple.
Where is the follow up? Why would he be angry? That's really the concern. There should be no need for anger.
“He got really offended saying he thought it was always serious?!”
You should re-mention the concerns listed and ask what about his actions show this claimed seriousness? Tell him that being angry over realistic questions is a problem. It doesn't make his point but shows something else is motivating him. If he wants to marry you, he should be convincing you and behaving in a positive mindset, not defensive.
To be clear, I have to basically beg to see him for even an hour a week and now he is angry that I haven’t suggested marriage and kids to him??
You need to strongly mention this and ask him to explain this disparity. Anger doesn't and can't be part of that discussion.
Your instincts are probably accurate that something else is driving him and not your best interests.
So let me get this straight: she spent a whole day cooking for your party but when you pushed very hot for a date she balked and you got aggressive and cold with her to which she said “ok bye then” and you continued to push her and she blocked you.
You wonder why she blocked you?
She blocked you because she wasn’t interested in you and you got mean and aggressive about it. And then kept texting her demanding a date.
Leave her alone. She’s no longer interested in having any contact with you.
Also: you sound like an asshole. Shape up or women will start warming each other about you.
We get it, you don’t have strong morals, have zero emotional intelligence and you don’t care if people do shitty things as long as you’re not affected.