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Date: October 23, 2022
Happy birthday!
Ok, today sucks. It's shitty thing to have happen. You are totally right to feel emotionally beat up by it.
Here's some good news. Next year, your birthday will come around, and you are going to be able to clearly look at the changes in your life. You'll be settled into a new apartment, have some new friends in your life, and realize you are in a new chapter in your life.
Yes, you feel awful now. And that's ok. You have to do some healing. Someone hurt you, badly. It's ok to feel those feelings. Just don't let them break you down.
The new year gives you a chance to start some things fresh. Sign up now for some recreational/social sports leagues to meet some new people (even easy ones like cornhole are basically pub nights where you are out there meeting new people.) Take some time to think about what you want in life. Are there things you've been wanting to do or try, but being married may have held you back? Trips you wanted to take? Hobbies you wanted to try? Good news, my friend, it's all back on the table. Start to makes some plans for that stuff, especially stuff that starts in the new year. You'll have some time to feel your feels, but then start to find ways to heal.
I'm sorry this is happening to you. It stinks, very hot core. But it won't break you forever.
I tell them i don’t want sex. just like that. they just assume i’m not serious. i set boundaries and it’s an issue down the line. everyone gets hurt
How long have you been together can I ask?
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I see what you mean. I used gay to identify him and avoid confusion at first, and stopped using friend after describing what he did. I apologize if I offended anyone
Updateme!
Stay with your parents. Don't give him a chance to hit you a third time.
And you think that's healthy?
“Her fiancé already paid for my ticket though, and I think it would be unfair to all our friends and everyone else there to deny them from seeing me just because she is a little upset, but I also know it's “her day.””
This was your undoing. You sound like a real entitled self absorbed piece of work. I was on your sIde for about the first paragraph, she contributed to yours, and you cant be bothered to uphold your end of the deal, but you're just so popular and wanted by everyone that she shoukd pay for you to grace everyone with spectacular presence. Wtf. With that attitude in surprised she didn't NAKED uninvited you.
Also women still abuse physically but imagine telling that in court or to a police officer when you're a man. You're fucked
He's gay and you're just his alibi
I wouldn’t even want his penis anywhere near me if he’s still healing from a yeast infection.. you’ll on-line
Your GF needs to learn the art of compromise here. Look, other people exist, and you two are sharing a home together. I really don't see how being in one room by yourself with headphones on has any effect on her ability to hang out with her friends in an entirely different room. Because it literally doesn't.
It's just hanging out with friends, I don't understand why she has to go on about needing it to be this intentional thing and requiring zero presence in the home. If she's that bothered by sharing, she should online alone. It sounds like she's so stuck on needing it to be her way, she's not considering the fact that it's your home too.
Also, why do they always have to hang out at your house? Can't they just go out to socialize? It's weird that their hanging out requires such specific parameters and has to be devoid of any other human beings. Hanging out at home is cool sometimes, but not every time and with such rigid constraints.
Asking for some privacy is completely valid and you've provided that, but being asked to leave entirely on a regular basis is just bizarre.
It sounds like she's nitpicking this and being unnecessarily difficult over something that doesn't need to be this hot. Is there something else she's upset about and maybe projecting here? It's seriously such a strange stance I feel like there has to be something else she's not communicating.
You have some valid points about her body and truly wanting a child and it being a truly deep lifetime commitment or face unfair shaming and inner shame as a mother. I love those points. All of them. … But your clear anger invalidates it all. Not in life I suspect, but when speaking on social media at least.
If you want another kid, then you are going to have to leave him.
Neither of you are wrong wanting what you do regarding kids, but the incompatibility means that one of you is always going to resent the other, you for not having another child, or him if you manage to ‘convince’ him to have another.
And do not try to get pregnant by deception (going off your pill, removing your iud, poking holes in the condoms etc) as all that will do is make you a single parent to 2 children, and have your name slammed around your family and friends as someone who assaults their partner to get pregnant.
Because he wants to keep his options open.
He might give off queen vibes and unfortunately some hetero people are homophobic, whether they are aware or not.
When the bros say they didn't think he would be interested, they probably meant fight, strip clubs, the whole Vegas vibe.
Might also be why he got along with the queer crowd.
Frankly, these ppl don't deserve him. He sounds intelligent and really good company.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
So my wife just started talking to this new guy she met from work and I noticed that they’ve been texting almost every day. I confronted her about it when I first caught on and she has always just downplayed it and being the social girl that she is, says that she is just making new friends and trying to change up things in her lifestyle – to be more independent. She could be validly downplaying it though because she has always been and is still, a very loyal partner. We have been together 6 years and have always been very solid.
The issue is that the other night I went through her texts because I had to know what these two were talking about all the time, and aside from the flirty and overly friendly relationship they are building, I noticed that something wasn’t right.
Follow me here because this may get confusing… To preface, we are both iOS users. Now, on an iPhone, if you delete the most recent text in a conversation from the Messages app, then in the list where you see all your various chats, it will still show the time stamp of the deleted message, but the text preview will show the text contents of the message before that.. but if the last text was a reaction, for example ‘XX loved “”’, then it will show that message along with the timestamp in the list of all messages…
So, I noticed that the last text between my wife and this guy, was him reacting to her text, and it was timestamped “Yesterday”, but their last text in the actual chat was dated Wednesday (not yesterday) and I also could not find the message that the guy reacted to.. so basically, it was deleted. I have seen this many times before and it is literal proof that the text was deleted.
So anyways, I confronted her about it and basically called her out saying I know she deleted the texts and she just keeps on denying it. I keep telling her that I know she did it and I’m not an idiot and I know how this shit works and I literally know she’s lying, and she still won’t admit it. We just went at it for more than a few hours and she still won’t budge.
At this point I have no choice but to believe her and to just move past this, but for the life of me I just can’t get it off my mind. Why did she have to delete the texts, and how can she just keep lying to me, even though I literally know she did it. And I told her that over and over again.
I know this is something so small and so childish and i probably sound fucking insane for doing all of this and looking this deeply into it, but unfortunately that’s just the kind of mind that I have and no matter what I do I can’t just move past it without an answer.
I need some advice on what to do next and how to get her to admit this, even though she is extremely stubborn and adamant that she did not delete anything. She just gets really defensive and starts screaming every time we get back on the subject. All of it seems so suspicious to me.
Final note is that through all of our conversations, she has reassured me (in the form of angrily screaming) that she has no interest and intentions with this guy, she is loyal to me and only me, and how all she wants is to just be successful together and start a family, etc. so all things that would normally make me feel way better about all of this, but the fact that I know she deleted the texts but won’t admit it just ruins all of it, and any trust I have for her.
Please help because I really do not want this to ruin my relationship or make me any more crazy than it already has..
Edit: can’t believe I’m being that guy right now but, genuinely thank you ALL for your support and advice. I’m still figuring this out but hopefully I am just being crazy and overthinking it. She changed her iPhone passcode so I’m gonna have to figure that one out. I fucking wish I knew about the “recently deleted” messages feature last night when I was snooping because now I feel like it’s too late – she may have already figured that out and cleared it. And she is sticking to her story that she didn’t delete any texts. Not looking good guys :/
tldr; Found out my wife deleted texts between her and her new male coworker friend, and she won’t admit to it even after I confronted her.
“that I don't cry since I'm supposed to be a man” “she would get upset if I do” “my girlfriend yelled at me saying it was only a dumb film and that I needed to be a real man”
M8, she's not the ONE for anyone, she should go to therapy before entering a marriage FOR SURE. And I cant really understand how you could put up with that… I would have dumped her the first time that she got pissed with me for crying.
You need a lawyer. That trust should be in both your names. Does he have a will? What are the inheritance laws like in your state? Find these things out.
It’s a horrible cycle to be in. The fact that OP doesn’t think she’s in danger is just sad. I’ve been in a relationship like this too and thought oh this all I knew too. But this isn’t normal or healthy and that’s where you’re in danger. He may drive you to the point of giving up. I used to tell one of my friend’s that if something ever happened to me, he did it. That’s not living.
Honestly, this is a major red flag. One of the basis of marriage vows is “in sickness and in health”. If this is how she treats you in sickness, run. Run the other way.
The fact that she's complaining while you're still actually doing more than your fair share of housework from the sounds of it, while injured, tells you everything you need to know. She should be happy and willing to even assist while you're injured. If that's too much for her, then she better not expect the same when the same happens to her.
Thank you
LOL, no you don't, that's ridiculous.
one can't really “prove” a negative. the burden of proof is on the accuser.
He sounds selfish AF. Is that what you are settling for?
Getting an initial restraining order is pretty easy because it's dangerous to require too much proof. What matters is the court date to uphold it.
I am not sure if he’s talked to a doctor, I haven’t talked to him about it. I agree with you though and appreciate this advice!!
Info: does your gf do this sort of thing often? Or is this a first time land mine? Either way She's massively over reacting.
She's being petty over a situation SHE caused. You did go to tell her. She turned you away. So you told the next person who needed to know.
She literally hurt her own feelings and is blaming you for it. Having known quite a few parents like this, their kids don't talk to them anymore, and most don't have any relationship with their grandkids because of it. So I strongly recommend you seriously think about how damaging this kind of behavior is to relationships. Especially if your considering marrying this girl, or having children with her. You can talk to her about it if you want, but if she's icing you out because you didn't “tell her first”, she's likely just going to get mad and blow up at you.
im confused