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❤️LAGERTHA❤️, 30 y.o.
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Date: October 4, 2022
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My girlfriend can get mad about some specific things I say as well. Time for you to start being vague.
“I’m going to take a nap. Not sure exactly when I’ll be up, but I’ll call you after.”
Even though your gf struggles with bpd (which is relevant and should be taken into consideration), her issues with the other people in your life seem to go beyond her mental illness. If it was just her bpd making her act this way, I feel like she’d probably have moments where she realizes her behavior is toxic and apologizes for it – but it sounds like she hasn’t had those moments of clarity and has consistently been against your friends.
Your gf is displaying very controlling and manipulative behavior. I’m not in a position to call your gf abusive, but I WILL say that trying to distance your partner from their friends is what abusers do so that their partner relies only on them for everything, forcing them to stay in the relationship.
And your gf’s decision to choose you over her parents was her choice, and that’s completely on her – NOT you. Similarly, your decision to cut off or not cut off your friends should be your decision and NOT hers. Her using the “I cut off my parents for you” card to try to get you to end your friendships is 100% manipulative and toxic, because you didn’t ask her to cut off her family. That was her choice.
I recommend that you 1) recognize that her behavior is abusive, 2) stop rationalizing/putting up with her abuse, and 3) tell her that if she doesn’t get her act together, that your relationship will end.
If she doesn’t like the people in your life that much, she can choose to stop being a part of your life. What she can’t do is dictate who you can have relationships with. She isn’t your mom.
I’m not saying that your gf will necessarily always be a bad person. She might just be going through a messy/toxic phase and will eventually come out of it (I went through something similar but much less extreme) but either way, you CANNOT continue to take control over your life. Even if she’s a good person underneath this toxic behavior, it doesn’t matter – this behavior should not be tolerated.
I’m very sorry that you’re experiencing this. It sounds like your gf either isn’t mature enough to have a serious relationship or is just a toxic person. I hope you can find a way forward that allows you to maintain healthy relationships with everyone you choose to have in your life.
Then what are you arguing for? Or what point are you trying to make?
Everyone is ignoring what you really asked. Yes, tell your wife. Then she might actually leave and you two can stop the toxic cycle and raise a healthy, happy child.
He doesn't want to pursue a relationship with you. He was mature enough to tell you and let you down gently. You need to respect his decision.
There was no misunderstanding. You were tutoring her and she assumed that meant you developed feelings for her and you’d step out on your marriage. She disrespected you and your wife, that is completely unforgivable.
LOL. 100% cheating on you.
Whatever brand is on the penis of a different boyfriend
It's a pretty bad time in my life right now which probably has a big factor. Like I said I'm on a nose dive as she's just begging to start to feel better. It was opposite for a long time. In any case she's been asked if she wants to go many times. I in no way pressure her to stay.
Well how am I supposed to know if I'm doing good or not. I'll think we are good for a while and then she will bring that up when we have a talk.
I end up getting myself off, which is fine because he tells me I'm sexy and that it turns him on.
Why does telling you, that you are sexy and it turns him on, make it fine?
It’s not fine. That’s the problem.
As Shakespeare said, “the course of true love never did run smooth”
You and this girl are fundamentally incompatible then.
As painful as it might be it’s not worth your emotional well being to stay in this relationship. I mean you confronted her about it and she said that she abandoned her plan to “escape”, but this fall that is exactly what she’ll be doing. She’s staying because it’s convenient and free.
I wouldn’t trust her keeping in contact with her ex after talking to him about being together and having kids, despite her claim it’s just “chit chat”. People don’t “chit chat” about those topics, especially when you are with someone already. She’s talking about building a life with them. “Chit chat” is “how are you doing?”, “can you believe this weather?”, “how’s your job?” Not “how many kids should we have when I leave my bf for you?”
You need to focus on your sobriety and your well being. Don’t let her derail you. I personally would end the relationship, and if she asks where is she supposed to go tell her, “your exes”.
What door? He asked her to meet up, presumably in a public place, not leave her husband or embark on an affair. She's even considering bringing her husband. I really don't know where everyone is getting all of this nonsense. Are you in totally untrusting relationships?
Get a divorce, wtf lmao.
It is for me
Because a “graveyard of decaying roadkills” is pretty bad. Also, you’ve got great descriptive writing! ?
You don't seem open to reasonable dialog, so I'm going to move on.
I don't use this often but this post stood out to me, but after reading it I was thinking DARVO.
AND HE'S MANIPULATE AF. Source: I'm ashamed to say it so am I and it's like game recognize game
(just to ease everyones mind, I'm working hot to stop acting manipulate but it's a progress)
You’re 26 what are you doing with your life?
You gave him the ultimatum, if he goes it's over,
Tell him he can either wait until you are available for time off work or can not go at all not with her at least.
He can reassure you all the on-line long day but I don't think it's appropriate they will all be drinking and sometimes things happen especially when your drunk and this women sounds like she would be persistent ?
You told him how you feel so now you give him a time line. Basically.
'I'm giving you till the end of the week to decide what's more important cancel the holiday or go an be single.
I don't want to hear you won't cheat, it means nothing to me when there a women who has no respect for me or our relationship is is going to be spending X amount of time with you drunk. So it's your choice now go and be single or stay and we figure out going away at a more consistent time for me too. I'll give you until end of week to decide and I will not be in contact with you until then. Its on you'
Then stick to it, you can't say things and not follow through otherwise he would just not care. If he says he still going simply end the relationship on the spot. 'OK then we are done' and block him
Maybe that would give him the insensitive to think ok I won't go she expressed her concern and its not worth losing her over.
Occasionally, yes. I saw no harms in it.
You dated someone for 6 years and couldn’t remember her birthday?
“OMG babe that sounds like so much fun that I want to do it too!!” How will that go over?
Your 46 yo bf tells you, 26, he can do better?
Respect yourself.
Are your children safe to be left with him alone?
If it is innocent why did he not tell you?
To be honest I'd just cut losses
Not at all normal my dear! Creepy AF!!! Just because you are in a relationship does not mean he can do things like this. What if he did it to someone else? He’d be charged with a crime and I strongly feel that what he did to you borders on, if not fully, a crime. Get those pics fully deleted and drop this creep.
Yikes, yeah that's definitely a sense of ownership. Walking you down the aisle? Even as a joke, that's so cringey.
My husband is 10 years older than me and I was 21 when we started dating, so I don't see an issue with the age gap. Especially if you are at similar places in life.