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Date: October 7, 2022
You’re totally in the right there for sure. Are you sexually trying to fulfill his needs maybe that’s why he’s resorting to porn? Or maybe he is just addicted…
Tell him you fell in love with a Marine…
oof. i would leave. no point im pressuring her since it obviously triggers her. she should be with someone who doesn’t want sex. you should be with someone who wants sex. sometimes this stuff is really simple although it’s heartbreaking. it’s really not that complicated.
Turns out guys are people just like you and me – while they might have some things in common, they also tend to have different personalities!
It's ok to DM someone but also be prepared for rejection.
I meant that, she says that the things he does are wonderful and special, but they are really just simple things anyone would do, the ” ” around wonderful are meant to express that those were her own words
It's not your job to convince her to have kids. Break up with her. If you want kids THAT badly, find someone who wants them. Yeah, she responds that way because it's not a big deal. Kids aren't everything. They change relationships in every way.
He unfortunately can't dodge that his lack of common sense got him in this situation lol
(If it's even real, let's be honest………..)
You have every reason to feel this way. Why would he have these apps? I’m no saint and have browsed inappropriate material live! but always discussed with my partner at the time and we agreed boundaries. However, dating apps are more than that aren’t they? They are opportunities for two people to hook up for casual s3x without commitment. This is a potential red flag ? but I hope I’m wrong about this and there’s a logical explanation. I wish you well and be interested to see any feedback or constructive criticism from you the OP regarding this matter. Stay strong ? buddy
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Stop treating him like a baby and be xtra vigilant with birth control, you don’t want to end up with two babies.
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Many years ago I went on a date with a dude who told me he and his wife were separated but living together “for the kids”. During our date he started trickle-truthing that he wanted a separation but hadn't told her yet. She had no idea he was dating. I told him I wasn't interested in dating him (for that and other reasons) and he acted like I was the asshole. He even made a scene at the restaurant as I was leaving.
thank you
Eerrrrr……… listen: why are you dating this man? He seems douchey, racist and inconsiderate! Do you actually love this person? He defo doesn't love you, he likes the idea of you. I wouldn't be surprised if he woos some Japanese woman and replaces you with her.
Doing the “asian accent” while talking to you?! Boys will be boys?! Girl, he is made of red flags!
Ditch him
And everyone is right, I probably just needed an intervention / wake up call to realize it’s probably better to end the relationship and maintain the friendship as I enjoy her company but won’t ever have my needs fulfilled, which probably will lead to arguing and ending things on bad terms
Thanks for enlightening me
Just block her, she is USING HER SON AS A WEAPON to manipulate you, thats the biggest RED FLAG ever.
Dont talk to her, dont think about her or her son, you are young search for a woman without kids next time.
You have to consider the very real possibility that you could abort and he will still leave you.
Waiting until you are 16 weeks pregnant to say he isn't ready to be a father, after doing IVF – he has a profound lack of communication. This is likely not the only issue he has with your relationship, it is the only one he is telling you about right now.
And the dark secret is that it is easier to leave a woman than a child. If he is planning on leaving you, and remember, he waited until week 16 to tell you he wasn't ready to be a father, having you have abortion means no ties to you and no child support. If he leaves after the baby is born, he has to deal with societal pressure to be a good coparent, having you in his life for 18 years, and child support.
That being said, do you want to be a single mom? Do you want to raise that child alone? If he leaves you over this, will you be able to cope financially, do you have family support? Would you prefer if he left you you had no child to raise alone?
Examine the ways your life could go –
You have the child, he stays, he resents you. He never learns communication skills, so you end up with a resentful, angry partner and father of your child and he doesn't ever try to fix things.
You have the child, he stays, your work it out. Least likely scenario.
You have the abortion. He stays. Will you resent him? If you can't do further IVF and you can't have a child ever, will you resent him?
You have the abortion. He leaves. Same questions.
For you best future you have to decided, do you want to have this child with this man, knowing he will not want to be father.
If you don't have this child with this man, and you can't ever have a child because of it, what will you do?
I was feeling the same way but the way the other comment explained it made it all make sense for me anyway
Blackmailing is illegal. And as most people know blackmailers always come back, so if he’s at all smart the first thing he’ll do is call the police. So if you want to go to prison have at it!
You’ve lost your girl either way. I suggest getting on with it as cleanly and quickly as possible. Get your support network together, sort out your finances and just be done with it. Better for you all round. Who cares about them?
I will never ever figure out how Reddit decides who to empathize with. This behavior from the girlfriend is well into breakup territory. At 8 months and age 28. this is way too much to deal with. The girlfriend can take all the time she wants to heal when she’s single.
ahahaha this made me laugh thank you ill try my best
The sheer audacity. You've been dating him less than two months. They're his grandparents. Shovel your own snow.
Realistically anyone choosing to bring a kid into this world is pretty horrible.
A devout muslim wont look twice at you. Especially any of the “level” you have currently. You're kidding yourself if you think any worthwhile man is gonna take a sexless divorcee with two kids…
Now you know what she does when you aren’t around.
You don’t feel love and desired because she doesn’t desire you. Let that sink. She doesn’t want to be intimate with you.
Maybe she loves you in some platonic way. But not the way you want to be loved/desired.
Been there, lived with it for a decade. It won’t change.
My advice is to leave and find a better match.
Here's a guy who hasn't been cheated on
you were also supposed to be there for your wife, shit happens! she knew it was a possibility her choice not to change the date so she needs to stop stamping her feet and grow up!
people gossiping my arse…….most reasonable people would understand why you left. she stamping her feet saying i want to be firs! she’s a brat!
You are young. Don't get married. Have some fun. End things with this creep and block him.
Then have some fun. You are way too young to be saddled with this asshat.
Thank you so much for your comment. And thank you for being kind.
I have never experienced loss like yours, but I also think you need therapy. I'm really glad you found someone you love and who seems to love your kids. Love isn't finite, there doesn't need to be a first and second. Your first love in undoubtedly special, and it's different than your other loves, but different doesn't mean less than.
I think you need to release yourself from your guilt of moving on; nobody here is the bad guy, Emily's death was unnecessary and tragic and I hope the person responsible was punished. Claire sounds amazing, and not many people would be as understanding. Do you five do anything to honor and acknowledge Emily and Claire's late husband? A memorial on their birthdays or something like that? A ritual honoring and remembering them might be helpful for you. Regardless, I think Claire is correct, that you need therapy. It's also neither healthy or helpful to say Claire didn't love her late husband because people grieve differently – that sounds like misplaced anger.
I wish all of you well.
Wow. Hes cheating and youre mad at yourself for it. Idk what happened that made you not value yourself but please realize youre a lot more than this.
That's not the same at all. Apples to oranges
Yeah but anecdotes don’t change the fact that they usually are. Her neediness is likely extremely unnecessary.
It sounds like he's using you as a sex toy.
I’m so excited I have a kid though lol
Thank you for understanding
OP, get the tattoo. If your husband of that long really considers leaving you over that, good riddance. I was also with someone who tried to police my appearance – tattoos and body hair and clothing. I'd be willing to bet you notice other ways he's controlling, too.
In a healthy relationship, there's definitely a need for attraction, but if one tattoo makes him question whether he's attracted to you at all, that's a big red flag.
I replied to another comment saying this, but my boyfriend HATES two pairs of pants I bought. I'm 32, he's 31, and these jeans are ripped and patched with fabric and lace, they're high wasted and cut off at the bottom. They're “what the kids wear these days” or whatever. He'll bust my balls over them, but at the end of the day he's not going to leave me or tell me I'm unattractive. On the other hand, he shaves his head bald because his hairline is God awful. I also bust his balls saying I can't believe he got women back when he had hair. At the end of the day though, I think he's so attractive, and while I think he looks much better bald, I'm also not going to leave him or tell him he's unattractive because of it. That's how a healthy relationship should be. We've built a loving relationship and at this point, there's very few physical things that would make me leave. He's my best friend, and he is regardless of what he wears or looks like.
Yeah, no. But I've been with a controlling ex-husband that would legitimately have written something like this, totally delusionally, and modified half the facts because he didn't like me speaking to any male friend from my past.
Just because you had a controlling ex husband doesn't mean that those negatives can be projected onto OP. Is it possible he's leaving out other information? Sure, but on reddit we take the post at face value and don't assume that the OP is lying. As far as we know about this guy, his wife is a SAHM, he works 50 hours a week, his wife spends all her time with this other male friend and their child and himself is on anxiety medication.
So yeah. What she did is not okay. What the subtext may be is that there's more potentially going on in this relationship than meets the eye and we're getting his side of the story.
It's not just that it's not okay, what she's doing is actively disrespectful, if she was hanging out with a female friend it wouldn't conjure up the hysteria that it seems to have because everything about the way the wife and friend are behaving are shady. *Something* is going on there, if she's encouraging the man to lie to her husband. She already does the typical cheater thing of accusing him of “neglecting her emotionally” when he's out their providing for their family.
Now, couples counselling is interesting, because she already uses his own illness against him and usually gaslighters like this attempt to use therapy to triangulate the abuse and if she refuses to go, we know the answer.