Yeah, this is the move. She's 23 and possibly experiencing some hormonal fluctuations so I don't want to prematurely demonize her reaction, but this is a cut and dry “get legal counsel” regardless of this testing situation. If it's his, co-parenting rules and compromises should be overseen by a legal mediator from the jump. If it's not his, clear documentation needs to be established ASAP that the relationship was casual and he has no obligation towards her or the pregnancy.
In all likelihood, she's just in an emotional place and the request is feeling like an accusation. It's not a reasonable response on her part, but it's understandable. Setting a boundary early in the clearest way possible is the best option to protect them both. No character assassination is necessary for either party as of now.
This isn't like a dumb trust thing, telling anyone you are pregnant in the very early days is a risky move as there is are always risk of miscarriage in those early days.
I think like after 8 weeks and you've had your first doctors appointment
It's not the same thing. You can't remember it happening – that means you did not consent. Yes he was drunk but he made an active decision that he now feels bad about.
He is wrong for bringing it up as something you did wrong when the truth is you were taken advantage of.
If you are unable to trust him anymore you should end it, the trust is not going to magically come back and he violated it.
First, take a step back and breathe. She is accusing you of looking at another human, not assaulting them. She sounds like a very immature person to throw that word around so flippantly.
Second, the most important issue here is your child. Whatever happens between you and partner, your child needs to maintain a life that isn't fraught with arguments and chaos. Look up lawyers in your area, and you'll likely find some that will consult for free as to how you can move forward with the least amount of drama.
As much as it sucks to break up a family, not all families are healthy, and your partner needs some serious reflection and possibly therapy. You're young, so don't stick around to find out what else her jealousy makes her capable of. Remain amicable and kind so she has nothing to use against you, and it'll work out. Good luck, OP!
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is it an addiction? is he going to school or working? Is he capable of functioning as a 21 year old man? Can he maintain an election with you? Is he looking at porn to jerk off and then going about his day?
Yeah no this isn't healthy. You need to leave and sue him for all the money you've given his family. He's using you. Isn't that clear? He didn't rush in because he fell in love. He rushed in because he realised he could use you. Why he needed to use you when his entire family is clearly rich I don't know. You've been paying half as per your explanation and you need to get it back and divorce this scammer.
If you have to have his Instagram password the relationship isn’t really worth salvaging anyway, especially at your age. The gross group chat is just icing on the cake.
In any case, I would consider talking to a therapist about your (very understandable) trust issues. That’s a relationship killer. Also, don’t date people who aren’t good boyfriends! You deserve more!
Just a batch of bad luck in choice of women. I believe they weren't fully committed with their mind to the relationship. Whatever they had going on, depression, other mental illnesses, losses, trauma, or perhaps just entering the relationship for a different reason.
It isn't your fault when you were the one putting all the effort.
Don't give up though! I'm going through the same things and well… yeah it sucks… but it gets a bit easier every time. Maybe one day I'll find one that stays lol
I would give the guy a little more grace. He might be fine, but they are just incompatible. It’s not necessarily about finding someone better but finding someone better for OP.
I think it’s an important distinction because, like you said, it’s going to take a certain type of person. Not a better or worse than normal person, just a certain type. I couldn’t do it. But some can and OP needs to make that her primary dating criteria, and when that little voice tells her that the guy can’t really handle it, she needs to listen.
I think you already have the answer you’re looking for. If you’re not happy with him, it’s time to leave. Better now than in a year or two when you’re both more dependent on each others company.
Because she doesnt want to neutralize the situation with the guy. She wanted to make her partner feel safe while keeping the other guy interested. That is the point.
So you had sex with your best friend’s boyfriend but you never decide to ask her if she would be okay with it? Either this story is fake or your just naive because common sense tells you it’s never a good idea to have sex with your friends SO especially without having a conversation with both of them to make sure it’s okay.
So I do agree that him telling his sister about both your sex lives is really weird. I don't know about everyone else, but I don't want anyone to know about my sex life, especially my family.
At the same time, however, wouldn't you have known that was their dynamic? If that's your best friend and you've known him for 9 years, I'm sure you'd know that's how they share.
You can't really expect him to change his dynamic with his sister. You can absolutely be uncomfortable with it and not like it.
The fact you've already told him you hate it and he STILL does it kinda tells you everything right there. So you can try to talk to him again, but if he doesn't listen, then it's up to you if that's a deal-breaker or not
You're right. He does see this as a solution. A solution to how he can spend the rest of this one sided relationship he wants to trap you into with, while getting away with cheating and not having to be exclusive himself.
He's using manipulation and weaponizing guilt because you happen to have a sexual past to make sure that you eventually have such low self esteem you won't ever entertain the thought that you can do better than him and he gets infinite free passes on affairs.
You're dating him. He's not dating you. Instead he's fooled you into sitting “on the shelf” waiting for him. Which works for him, because he's a time waster. A vampire on the days, months and years of your life.
Sometimes as guys we are screwed if we move too fast ( that's all we want type comments) but at the same time if we move to slow the think oh he isn't in to me. Find a girl that matches your pace patience is not a bad thing.
I think it's odd for a parent to think its inappropriate to bathe with their toddler age child. You are sexualizing a 3 year old.
Yeah, this is the move. She's 23 and possibly experiencing some hormonal fluctuations so I don't want to prematurely demonize her reaction, but this is a cut and dry “get legal counsel” regardless of this testing situation. If it's his, co-parenting rules and compromises should be overseen by a legal mediator from the jump. If it's not his, clear documentation needs to be established ASAP that the relationship was casual and he has no obligation towards her or the pregnancy.
In all likelihood, she's just in an emotional place and the request is feeling like an accusation. It's not a reasonable response on her part, but it's understandable. Setting a boundary early in the clearest way possible is the best option to protect them both. No character assassination is necessary for either party as of now.
1) Is she actually pregnant?
This isn't like a dumb trust thing, telling anyone you are pregnant in the very early days is a risky move as there is are always risk of miscarriage in those early days.
I think like after 8 weeks and you've had your first doctors appointment
How far long is she?
It's not the same thing. You can't remember it happening – that means you did not consent. Yes he was drunk but he made an active decision that he now feels bad about.
He is wrong for bringing it up as something you did wrong when the truth is you were taken advantage of.
If you are unable to trust him anymore you should end it, the trust is not going to magically come back and he violated it.
Amen.
First, take a step back and breathe. She is accusing you of looking at another human, not assaulting them. She sounds like a very immature person to throw that word around so flippantly.
Second, the most important issue here is your child. Whatever happens between you and partner, your child needs to maintain a life that isn't fraught with arguments and chaos. Look up lawyers in your area, and you'll likely find some that will consult for free as to how you can move forward with the least amount of drama.
As much as it sucks to break up a family, not all families are healthy, and your partner needs some serious reflection and possibly therapy. You're young, so don't stick around to find out what else her jealousy makes her capable of. Remain amicable and kind so she has nothing to use against you, and it'll work out. Good luck, OP!
I put a lot of thought into a gift and it fell a bit flatter than expected before… some are a hit, some are a miss
the person who received the gift doesn't get any blame beyond not giving me more to go on
there's nothing wrong with still being thankful…
hope your gf can get over it herself.. it's not like your daughter got pissed off and threw it away
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is it an addiction? is he going to school or working? Is he capable of functioning as a 21 year old man? Can he maintain an election with you? Is he looking at porn to jerk off and then going about his day?
Trust your instincts, do you think he's lying?
Right? 14 year age gap and the older person in a position of power.
I agree on the gender thing, but I’ve also seen Reddit trashing a woman who met the person she was cheating with in middle school just recently.
That doesn’t make the gendered perspective less valid, just wtf is going on with Reddit recently.
Yeah no this isn't healthy. You need to leave and sue him for all the money you've given his family. He's using you. Isn't that clear? He didn't rush in because he fell in love. He rushed in because he realised he could use you. Why he needed to use you when his entire family is clearly rich I don't know. You've been paying half as per your explanation and you need to get it back and divorce this scammer.
We talk things out pretty well with each other, but maybe a mediator would help.
Maybe you should delete this. If it isn’t something the law knows about it’s best for your family to keep it that way
You spelling sexual assault wrong
If you have to have his Instagram password the relationship isn’t really worth salvaging anyway, especially at your age. The gross group chat is just icing on the cake.
In any case, I would consider talking to a therapist about your (very understandable) trust issues. That’s a relationship killer. Also, don’t date people who aren’t good boyfriends! You deserve more!
Great Golly… this should be simple. Go to med school.
Just a batch of bad luck in choice of women. I believe they weren't fully committed with their mind to the relationship. Whatever they had going on, depression, other mental illnesses, losses, trauma, or perhaps just entering the relationship for a different reason.
It isn't your fault when you were the one putting all the effort.
Don't give up though! I'm going through the same things and well… yeah it sucks… but it gets a bit easier every time. Maybe one day I'll find one that stays lol
2+ years…
I would give the guy a little more grace. He might be fine, but they are just incompatible. It’s not necessarily about finding someone better but finding someone better for OP.
I think it’s an important distinction because, like you said, it’s going to take a certain type of person. Not a better or worse than normal person, just a certain type. I couldn’t do it. But some can and OP needs to make that her primary dating criteria, and when that little voice tells her that the guy can’t really handle it, she needs to listen.
I think you already have the answer you’re looking for. If you’re not happy with him, it’s time to leave. Better now than in a year or two when you’re both more dependent on each others company.
Okay but like even if someone is decent, why would you accept not having access to your money?
When the trash wants to take itself out, let it.
All I hear is she said no and now your pissed.
Because she doesnt want to neutralize the situation with the guy. She wanted to make her partner feel safe while keeping the other guy interested. That is the point.
I cnt see comments can someone tell me why ?
Lol or it was a tongue and cheek joke that people who have been friends for years make with each other? Cmon not everything is nefarious
So you had sex with your best friend’s boyfriend but you never decide to ask her if she would be okay with it? Either this story is fake or your just naive because common sense tells you it’s never a good idea to have sex with your friends SO especially without having a conversation with both of them to make sure it’s okay.
You really think they are seeing each other?
So I do agree that him telling his sister about both your sex lives is really weird. I don't know about everyone else, but I don't want anyone to know about my sex life, especially my family.
At the same time, however, wouldn't you have known that was their dynamic? If that's your best friend and you've known him for 9 years, I'm sure you'd know that's how they share.
You can't really expect him to change his dynamic with his sister. You can absolutely be uncomfortable with it and not like it.
The fact you've already told him you hate it and he STILL does it kinda tells you everything right there. So you can try to talk to him again, but if he doesn't listen, then it's up to you if that's a deal-breaker or not
Yeah this was a mistake from the get go.
You're right. He does see this as a solution. A solution to how he can spend the rest of this one sided relationship he wants to trap you into with, while getting away with cheating and not having to be exclusive himself.
He's using manipulation and weaponizing guilt because you happen to have a sexual past to make sure that you eventually have such low self esteem you won't ever entertain the thought that you can do better than him and he gets infinite free passes on affairs.
You're dating him. He's not dating you. Instead he's fooled you into sitting “on the shelf” waiting for him. Which works for him, because he's a time waster. A vampire on the days, months and years of your life.
Sometimes as guys we are screwed if we move too fast ( that's all we want type comments) but at the same time if we move to slow the think oh he isn't in to me. Find a girl that matches your pace patience is not a bad thing.