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❤Dya❤, 28 y.o.
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Date: October 14, 2022
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He makes comments about my interest in picking up a part-time bartending job. He says, “I'm afraid that you will flirt with guys to get bigger tips” or “I don't want your uniform being revealing” without directly saying it. He gets jealous of my guy friends. And I have many great guy friends who've known me much longer than him. For example: if I like “too many photos” on a guy friend's social platform, then “that's disrespectful and a bad look.” If I hang out with a group of people with both men and women, he only asks about the men who were there. He also shows concerns about guy friends I have that fit “the type of look” I find attractive. He also will say things like, “well, we started out as friends, and look at us now.” I try to explain to him that's different but can't really elaborate as to why. All I know is it's different for me. I've hurt his feelings for sharing my love for a male celebrity. Someone who I will never meet in real life. He has a naked time accepting my wanting for alone time. He creates scenarios in his head and works himself up over them. He's so concerned about other people's intentions with me that sometimes I think he forgets about my own. I have no intention of pursuing anyone else.
I’m gonna say this… both of you are very young. Let him go to find himself, and you go and heal yourself. And you continue to date. Because if you have to sneak to do ANYTHING it’s cheating. If he loved you why would he be curious about other women that are out there? Think about that. It seems like he may be trying to use you as a placeholder. Like he’s with you but he’s not really with you.
It works for some! Can I recommend looking for a poly discussion group in your area? FetLife can sometimes be a good resource for things like that.
In general, do some research before jumping in. Do some soul searching. Discuss in depth with your partner. Then and only then should you consider asking your friend!
Sounds like there is some vulnerability on both parts, as what is upsetting you both is normal.
This about personal growth, for both of you. Consider why her going out with single makes you uncomfortable. And she need to consider why memes from your female friend upsets her.
You are both young, but this, ideally, needs a mature conversation.
And comments like that ARE HOMOPHOBIC, so, OP, he has shown himself to be all of those things. You just haven’t fully opened your eyes to it.
If you stay, he will change you. You won’t change him.
So ask yourself, who do YOU want to be?
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I think the way too young is in reference to the addict ex, not OP.
After 2 years we are thinking of getting married and I will move out then.
Sure, but if you want to stay closer to your family, that's perfectly valid. Again, love is never enough.
Why are you wasting your time on this dead relationship. Your clearly different people and aren't compatible. The issue here isn't what she wears, it's your dead relationship. Your 21, break up and move on
This is so many red flags I could sew them together to make a main sail and sail far away from this man.
A prenup is an agreement between both parties to ensure that regardless of what happens everyone is secure and safe. There is very little less “not a united front” than that. But he does not seem to want a united front as that implies two equals. He wants you to give him control over your money then have four of his children back to back without sticking him with their care.
Don’t get involved because your sister might end up going no contact with you as well.
I'd not be making any long term plans with her. What her social circle like? Do any of her friends do such thing? Its tough to decide on one off thing. But if she's serious then you might have to end it.
Just break up with her now ffs
Ignoring me and giving him many compliments, being playful with expressions and gestures to him in front of me, asking to hang out (only him and not me) more
“He’s manipulative in what he’s doing” is 100% spot on.
Here’s a nasty secret about suicide attempts: When someone really, truly wants to die they are usually successful.
People who survive suicide attempts are some combination of lucky, ambivalent about actually dying, help/rescue-seeking and/or misinformed/restricted regarding available means (ie, how lethal is the way they attempt).
This context of a suicide attempt is nothing short of abusive behavior. Conditional suicide attempts (ie, “if”) are not motivated by a desire to die, but to on-line with the outcome they want.
It’s always abuse to threaten conditional suicide.
And tells her he’s going to be an attorney. She’s blissfully unaware that they have hoops to jump through before sitting for the exam. If he has something to hide, he won’t be sitting.
Yeah I don't get the comments acting like this is completely unacceptable for everyone anywhere to participate in. She “flashed” her breasts in pitch darkness and no one saw. Does that even count as flashing? Cause then I flash my boobs multiple times a day in areas where no one can see them lmao
It's irrelevant though. Regardless of why he didn't want to get married back then he does now and if she had truly moved on with her life she wouldn't give a second thought to him and his current relationship. We don't know the details of her past relationship. If she knew from the beginning that he never intended to get married she was not concerned about it and dated him for 9yrs regardless. If after 9yrs of dating she broke off the relationship as soon as she found he didn't want to ever get married then yes she can feel upset about wasting 9yrs but really why did it take so long to bring up the subject in the first place and she's had 4yrs to get over it. People change their opinions on things all the time. If you are happy in your current relationship you don't dwell on it. She's clearly not over her ex.
Why do you think that story is true? Talk to your mom. If it is a true story, it was heartless for your parents to agree to abandon the child.
The “We Can Do Hot Things” podcast just came out with a 2-part episode on Attachment theory and talks about why people feel exactly how he talked about feeling. They’re so so good and incredibly informative; I highly recommend giving them a listen!
whats changed is im in my own house lol, and i wont be couch surfing again. i understand where you are coming from entirely, which is why i waited. thank you for your input xx
Implants are visible through the skin and there's very noticeable bruising when they're cut out of the arm and replaced, so it's not exactly something she could be particularly untrustworthy about. Also, it's really not unheard of for people to get pregnant on the implant. It's hormonal birth control so definitely not bulletproof.
Put this in your wedding vows.
If you have to have his Instagram password the relationship isn’t really worth salvaging anyway, especially at your age. The gross group chat is just icing on the cake.
In any case, I would consider talking to a therapist about your (very understandable) trust issues. That’s a relationship killer. Also, don’t date people who aren’t good boyfriends! You deserve more!
I am a guy. I know “how guys are”. He's into her, quit trying to make it about yourself. I've asked out more than one woman in a night, every guy on the planet has. Move along.
So they conspired to rape you. You were raped. No. Do not have a child with this person and leave immediately.
This is one of those times where you cannot make everyone happy and keep your sanity.
You have to speak up, you have to put your foot down and you have to make it very clear that this friend will not be moving in. Don't tell your boyfriend its a bad idea, don't tell him you don't want it, don't tell him you are uncomfortable with this, be very firm that this person will not live! here.
Let him know that you will not sign anything, not pay anything towards additional deposit and that you will let the leasing office know that you do not want that person in your apartment. Let him know that if it comes to that you are willing to call the cops but that person will not live here period. And that you will be moving out at the end of the lease if your boyfriend tries anything sneaky.
Your boyfriend needs to know that you are deadly serious about this. He needs to realize the severity of this. And if he does not care even after all that then you should absolutely not be with that man period. He does not care about you, about your feelings or comfort or fears. Be ready to break up and be better.
She even has men lined up waiting and likely throbbing to take your place. End it
This may be above Reddit’s pay grade.
Y’all need to be in couples therapy. He needs to be in individual sex therapy to figure out his sexuality and what his stance on monogamy is.
Lots and lots of work to be done.
I am so sorry you are going through all this. Damn,he is less than worthless. A WEEK.
People that aren’t racist don’t hang out with people that say that word.
My MIL, husband, and I all on-line together, and it’s such a blessing. Multigenerational living can be absolutely lovely. Every single sentence of OP’s post shows that in this particular case, it would be absolute hell. It’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
And he's likely to become physically abusive, on top of emotionally.
Then break up with her not tht hard a choice then. Lord