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Date: November 5, 2022
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Yesterday. He dumped you. You owe him zero consideration.
Depends on his wealth, if he's minimum wage then no. But if he's 6/7 figures then it's nothing.
I appreciate this! It’s good to know that I’m not the only person feeling this way. I’ve thought about therapy as well. Good luck to you, too!
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I think your communication expectations are too much. He's on vacation with his family, for Pete's sake. How would you like it if you were on a family vacay and one of your family members had their face in their phone the whole time?
If this is a deal breaker for you, then go ahead and stop seeing him, but I think you're being ridiculous.
Some people don't know how to end a relationship, so they force you to do it for them. You might want to check out a group like CODA to work on yourself after growing up with abusive parents. That kind of a childhood can lead to not having good boundaries with other people and other issues like that. People like your partner generally don't get to this level of behavior without lots of previous small steps across your boundaries that go unchallenged.
Nobody's trying to be hurtful. And no, each person is not at a different life stage. That's not how that works.
Sorry, but all the stuff in your post is interconnected and about choices.
And I'm not sure how it came up, but don't volunteer to future girlfriends you had a threesome that included your brother.
You’re a dickhead. Pay the man and be grateful.
Please stop saying words And desperately seeking a justification. A 32 year old knocked up a 19 year old. That’s it. That’s all the info required to judge him as a person.
Yeah, break up with her. Stay single for a while. Make sure the Turk girl is staying or able to stay. The US is very difficult to navigate for foreigners and she probably doesn’t have a lot of time to find a job and many jobs don’t want to pay for work visas.
But right now you’re being selfish with your current girlfriend. You can’t truly commit to her with or without this Turk girl in your life. Let her move on.
He locked himself tbh, handed me the keys. I think this is his way of getting out of it
16months what an achievement! You can be proud of yourself!
Yup the dreams are way less common, but they can be really intense. It's part of the recovery I guess !
You are barely an adult, so why do you think a 30 year old man would date you with „good“ intentions? Honey i have bad news for you, he is only dating you because you are barely an adult
Or you know she could've respected his wishes.
I can't just divorce a man for asking me something and then respecting me when I said no. I. Just. Can't.
You absolutely can. He betrayed you in that moment in a way you never imagined he could. All the like and love vanished when the man you thought he was and the relationship you thought you had was a lie.
Talk to a lawyer and talk to a therapist. Do both for you.
I think its great you genuinely dont care about what she looks like but if she personally feels “nasty” and feels like herself the most and sexy when shes shaved, then theres not really much you can do except maybe try to always reassure her that you dont care but stop trying to convince her bc its not something you made her feel and can change in 2 seconds, she feels that way personally and unless she chooses to let you, enjoy the times when shes shaved
Not fair to the dog. She can have whatever boundaries she wants, and you can say no. Personally, if someone I knew for 3 weeks told me to cut out someone I knew for 8 years and had a dog involved, I'd walk.
to go back to the wife when the affair partner (or love interest) backs out of the “situation”
Us youngins call this “cushion” btw. Plan B if Plan A doesnt work out.
Wow, such shit family!!
Instead of concentrating on the abusive man, somehow it's OP's fault? How dare OP be “better” than the sister that this man didn't abuse her?
Well, I can assume that he didn't really want to stay with sis, he probably just wanted to have all the cakes. Instead, he was caught, OP dumped him, so he had no choice but to stay with her. Boom, kids almost straight away, and for a guy who is willing to cheat like that (probs a narc) his plans of fun are derailed and sis is no longer the nude piece on the side for the sexies, so he is angry.
Obviously, your family doesn't want to see that, they're also using this to kind of blame you for your sister taking your ex from you. Sorry she got beat up, but in a way that's karma (I want to reiterate that I DO NOT approve of any kind of abuse).
OP, if your sister has always been the favourite they will never hear you and accept your side. They just want to blame someone and easier to blame you than place it on the actual criminal, that being your ex.
I were you if they continue this? Go LC to NC with them and make sure you control the narrative, like going on social media and posting about it or telling your friends. You didn't know he was abusive and even if you did, this still wouldn't be your fault, not like you punched the sis.
For real, some families, man
I was in a long marriage. But, 90% of marriages are unsuccessful. Over half end up in divorce. And, of the ones that do stick together a large portion of those are not happy marriages. My neighbors were in their 90s and married for 70 years. I'd hear his wife screaming at him and he just kept quiet so as not to enrage her any further. Would you call that a successful marriage just because they didn't divorce? Hell no. I call that a prison. So, it's probably around 5-10% of marriages that are actually happy. And, that's how I define a successful marriage.
Also, you'd be amazed at how many women leave their husband when he falls on hot luck and stops bringing the bacon home. Men support women who stay home, lose their job, go through depression, etc. Women don't. Not for long anyway.
OP, are you planning to have kids with this guy? Because you should know that it is a normal bodily function to poop while giving birth. Personally, I agree with everyone else who says to make him an ex.
I’m sure the dog and the ex are good people. That’s why it’s a problem. If she’s already prioritizing his feelings over yours, then how does this not get worse ya know?
I wouldn’t say the situation was that bad until the visits got sneaky. That would be too much for me.
yeah i wouldn’t date her anymore. she’s rude as fuck for that especially if you talk to her about her callous behavior. my gf never gave a shit about cars before me but because she values my interests in it, she’s wants to learn more. find someone better.
Remember that you two are a team. I doubt she would want you feeling stressed and exhausted, and it doesn't help anyone for you to start feeling resentful without saying anything.
If walking is the main thing that tires her out, perhaps there's a way to modify certain chores so that she can do them sitting down. Folding laundry is an easy thing to do off your feet. Perhaps a chair by the sink can help with dishes. I'm not sure if there's a subreddit for her disability, but other people who are dealing with similar issues may have ideas for how to make life easier.
How did she handle housework before the two of you moved in together?
Awww! Sleepovers! That's cute!
But seriously, end the relationship now. I know you can see the writing on the wall.
Congratulations on the baby! I'm so sorry you are going through this. Its horrible, but unfortunately your marriage is over! You need as much positive friends and family around you as much as possible. Time to heal and a good lawyer. If you need anything us redditors are also here for you.
You need to ask her what she meant. She may have meant you’re shy or just not flirty, so you won’t hit on another girl. Or she may be rude and awful. Ask her what she meant and tell her how it made you feel.
This is from the APA:
10.08 Sexual Intimacies with Former Therapy Clients/Patients (a) Psychologists do not engage in sexual intimacies with former clients/patients for at least two years after cessation or termination of therapy.
The apa offers no guidelines on friendships with former clients. None. It is not Illegal in any case. The word you are looking for is “unethical.” But it’s not even considered unethical to have a sexual relationship with a former client.
So, you are incorrect.
My partner wanted to do one and I thought why not. We ended up at a very lovely, legal brothel and had an amazing time. It's all about how each person is feeling in the situation.
I always think about my child, not every single thing can be articulated on one post,I’m trying to best articulate as much info as I can question by question. From what I gather. Most people say a communication problem but that requires COMMUNICATION.
He says that he doesn't want to be attracted by her or have feelings for her but doesn't know how to stop it.
Bullshit, he knows exactly how to stop it and it's called ending the relationship and not contacting her or spending time around her anymore. It's insane that he's avoiding taking this obvious step and hoping you won't force him to do it, and it's completely unfair to put you in a position where you have to make the demand.
He should have cut all contact with her a while ago. If he continues playing dumb and acting like he doesn't know what to do I would start getting pretty angry about it if I were you. He knows exactly what he needs to do.
Thank you, level head. Mature and reasonable response! Thanks for that 🙂
He said that he would always pick me if it was between me and her but he was very disgusted by my behavior in forcing him to pick between his family and partner. He told me he expects higher of his partner to not stoop to his sister’s immaturity and that I should have “just not played the game” because the only way to “win the game is to not play” meaning to not join her.
You do know that your BF is right though.
You lowered yourself to her level, showing that you are just as immature and frankly as problematic as she is. Maybe it was just a once off, because you were frustrated by the situation, or maybe you are immature – that is something that only you will know.
But you now have a choice – decide that you feel unsupported by your BF and leave, or realise he is right, and not lower yourself to her level.
You're not overreacting. It sounds like he's your parent. It sounds suffocating and controlling. I'd get annoyed and just tell him no details.. Rather than loving someone too much like he says I'd say it sounds quite obsessive and controlling. He doesn't need to know all this. The fact that he feels like he does and has to ask all these questions suggests he's quite an anxious person and doesn't want to feel any loss of control so feels the need to know everything. Not to mention the mocking isn't ok if he knows you don't like it.
You file sexual assault charges and leave/block his ass.
That’s how you handle it.