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I totally understand. My ex was kind of a recluse and my boyfriend now is very social. It's completely new waters to navigate.
Trust your gut OP
I think you are being naive here. If she was hiding her child from you, why would she go out of her way to look you up, contact you and share pictures of your child? She’s got you thinking you are some great detective realizing it’s your kid. It doesn’t pass the sniff test. More drama is going to go down here. And maybe your girlfriend needs time to think about whether she wants to be part of it.
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Don’t date pro life women. Ever. That prevents this.
Do not give her anything till you get a paternity test and even then do not give her anything until you have been given a court mandate. It might not be yours and she could be pushing this on you. More then that do not try and “get back together”, two well developed homes is better then 1 broken one.
So you stayed with a known liar. If you want us to tell you that was the right thing to do, we won't. You know you shouldn't tolerate this disrespect and his lies. He cares more about her than you. Why would you tolerate that?
You set a boundary and that’s the start. Dont fall for the, “you’re being insecure” crap as that’s just deflection from the real issue. You two may just be incompatible relationships wise. She may need male orbiters to feel some sense of validation and that includes her ex. The other issue, and it’s a biggie, is that she may be an “alpha widow” in which she has pair boded with her ex and he may be that guy that will always be around, no matter who she is with.
Continue to feel out the situation and monitor for any weird behaviors: texting more, not picking up often when called, spending more time with “friends” than normal. Stay diligent and don’t be a fool.
I’m with the friend on this one. She’s got her own life. Of course she wants to spend Christmas w her bf. She is probably hoping by next Christmas he’ll be her husband. You’ve got to focus on your own life too.
I would only tell her once you're both invested in the relationship. It will be odd so you'll want to make sure they think twice if it's a deal breaker. I would say do it before you get engaged and after you become exclusive.
You gotta tell us which serial killer
I think a boundary about not getting drunk without you present would be way too much, personally. If it's just about drinking 1:1 with someone else, I can see it as a bit more acceptable, but it still seems a bit weird.
She seems to be cool with it as long as those eggs aren’t made into deviled eggs and eaten.
What a wild world, man.
It will only be your business if you have kids together, or buy a house together because the Mortgage Broker/Lender will need to make a note of your incomes. Apart from that, not really your business. You made it official last week, so either of these are highly unlikely for a while.
Also, why is it a big deal if you make more money than him? If my gf ever started earning more than me I'd be so proud of her and it wouldn't change a thing for me.
OP sounds self focused because she's autistic. I also think it's a little weird to say she should accept a deeply uncomfortable proposal just because it was what her partner wanted. The proposal, ideally, should be comfortable and enjoyable for both parties.
All I can say is can you trust him not to do it against your will. I would assume if he does go and do it one time when you're in a vulnerable position that would spell the end of your marriage. You can also have him arrested if he doesn't against your will. All I can say is get him to swear and never ever to do it unless you've given your consent 100%.
Sorry, for context I should have mentioned that this is the first time I’ve asked her this and that yes we have had many conversations about our budget that she is well aware of. Literally along the lines you have stated. But I’m certainly not a small business ceo, that’s for sure. It’s gotten to the point that even when she agrees that she would watch her spending she would just go ahead and spend anyway.
Okay yeah the amount of people in this thread that said OP was wrong, what on earth…. Are most people overreacting when they’re hungry and thinking it’s okay?! Come on. It’s literally just a sandwich. That guy is ridiculous and she can find someone who doesn’t overreact about a sandwich. I feel sorry for most of the world if this is normal. A nice person would even be HAPPY their partner enjoyed it. My husband would. I feel so sorry for her 🙁
You're still not saying want kind of friend/relationship you want with this guy?
Oh then this is different. ??♀️
Yes yes.
Having uncomfortable conversations is a skill that needs practice. But so necessary for long term relationships.
You're new to dating/relationships so things have a much higher intensity and importance to you.
You were not dating, not exclusive, she hadn't made any commitments to you. You don't own her, she can do as she pleases.
That being said, was it inconsiderate? Yes. Did it mean anything to her other than just some fun? Probably not, if she didn't know him.
Don't think a kiss is the end of the world. She clearly messaged you because she wants some kind of follow-up with you.
Read the messages, it's probably something along the lines of an apology and her wanting to progress things with you. Don't shut it all down over a drunken kiss when you didn't even have the whole “relationship talk”.
Good luck.
My grandmother was my flower girl and it was beautiful. I’ve even seen flower bros, it doesn’t have to be a small child. The sister is weird, probably on a power trip, just roll with the punches and recast the roll.
Why can't he help you?
with all the free porn available, it's a special type of dude that actually pays for it.
That’s a codependent take.
why would she randomly say “if you need to use my phone my passcode is 1234” out of nowhere? sounds like some annoying test to prove something
He’s a serial offender, in this case I would tell her, and any other woman he was hoodwinking. Don’t be guilt tripped over this, it’s not your fault.
I did ask exactly this – his response was that he would have found it naked to believe there wasn't something more going on, and was appreciative that I even heard him out, but again just reiterated that it was 'harmless'.
This. OP needs to run like the wind and its important she does not confront him.
Dude no one goes into marriage thinking about divorce but you aren't happy. You aren't are u?
And what is the point of being married sleeping with other people?
You might aswell find a woman that wants to build a family and life with you and only you!!!
You are still young. Please think about what's best for you.
If your wife were to get pregnant what are yall gonna do?
Tell your child that you have mom, dad and daddy's gf?
Come on now. This isn't normal or healthy.
It will not get better!!
I have to wonder how she would react if you told her you were sleeping at a girl that you are friends with house and staying in the same bed. Another thing I probably do since you are close with the family ask them how they feel about this particular habit. Life is to short for this I would move on.
The fact you yet to meet them is a big red flag and she is gaslighting you. Unfortunately I would not be surprised if she is not having an affair with one of them.
Her simple clueless nature.
Oh honey no, she's not clueless at all since she figured out that you don't even see her as a person with a brain in her head.
You messed things up. Leave everything and move on.
(Insert Reddit obligatory “don’t do that” speech here) …
You said the convo was innocent. He mentioned her BECAUSE she was on photos he showed you, not just to show you photos of her. I don’t think it’s “crossing the line” to communicate innocently with an ex. We don’t t all break up wishing death on the other. You’re worrying about nothing and at this point of you say something, then you’ll be sabotaging your relationship.
That's a fair timeline. Is he just not ready to commit? I do not want to project or anything like that, but I think he might not be ready. I'm 30 and most of my friends are in the same age group. Again, without projecting, but I feel that as an average mature man, the whole “when you know, you know” is legit. I do not know how to explain it, but I invited my then-girlfriend to move in with my newly purchased house at 6 months. Almost 2 years later, we're engaged.
I think you said something along the lines of him living with his ex 1.5 years into the relationship. Maybe he's scared to repeat his mistakes?
Designated Driver i think in this context