No I need an outlet too. If we are going to be in a marriage we talk. I’m not sitting on the phone listen to my friend cry how horrible her husband is and get off and say none of your business when he asks. His input is helpful too. But of course spouses tell each other things.
I’m flabbergasted. Your body and your appearance belong to you – that should go without saying. I strongly suggest you end this relationship and look into meeting dudes who have some actual depth and intelligence. This guy is more interested in you as an object to show off than as a person.
I don’t think this girl/relationship is going to get better with you in it. I know your feelings are all mixed up in this, but she doesn’t sound like a safe or enjoyable person to be around. She has ALOT of anger, and very poor self regulation. In that case, a clear, swift, clean exit is best, even if it costs you a lease breaking fee, or staying with friends/ family til the lease is up, in order to accomplish that. Whatever her reasons, she is being toxic. I fear how much this will escalate once you let her know you don’t want this anymore. You deserve better.
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
It can play out differently depending on the individuals and the type of relationship that you want. From the sound of it, you two want a playmate or just a third for occasional fun.
It may be a good idea to invite her over to watch a movie and have a casual night at home. The flirting and playfulness should naturally flow to something more.
Alternatively, you all could go out to a bar near your place. The three of you can flirt with one another while out and it'll be your little secret from everyone else which may add the excitement. Then when you're all ready you can head back to your place for sexytime.
Good luck and don't listen to the naysayers. This type of relationship is a lot of fun, and requires communication just like any other successful relationship.
Are you going to keep the baby? If you do you will be stuck with this man for the rest of your life. Even when your not with him in a relationship, there are custody agreements, and child support. Think about this deeply.
I can speak to that issue personally, and OP's bf is full of shit.
Autism does not mean you cannot have feelings for others. It does not mean you can't have empathy. And I'm REALLY tired of that harmful stereotype being perpetuated by AH's like her bf who try to use their diagnoses to get away with their bad behavior.
Those stereotypes of autistic people contribute to us being dehumanized by others. And that sort of thinking is what leads to parents murdering their autistic kids and getting away with it, because “parenting an autistic kid is just so hard”!
I believe funerals are for the living, and it is up to the living to decide what they can and cannot bare. Your BF is being honest with you that he can comfort you in all ways other than physically witnessing the death/funeral of a loved one. He is there for you in all other ways right? I am someone who can't do funerals, I just become such a fcking emotional mess that I cannot comfort anyone around me, and he probably feels like he can't comfort you in the way you'd need during that time, in fact you might even find yourself focusing on comforting him instead. It's nothing to do with being selfish, we just all process/express emotions differently.
sex is important but it isn’t the most important. she didn’t say nothing was going to change but that she can’t control her drive which makes sense. it could go back up
If they decided to become friends after the formal therapy ended, nothing has been done wrong. There’s nothing to report unless your partner is a non-consenting adult being forced into a friendship. And it sounds like they aren’t.
So out of all the shitty things you've recounted about your toxic relationship, it took a primal scream to make you think maaaaaybeeee you're in a bad relationship?
“Mom I’m an adult now. I appreciate my upbringing but I have my own values now and going to church isn’t one of them. I’m sorry if that upsets you but you believe God is all knowing and forgiving so drop it if you want a relationship with me. If your relationship with God doesn’t allow this then so be it.”
Hi thanks for your response. While I understand there’s nothing inherently immoral about what I’m doing— it doesn’t create lasting happiness for me and my relationship. I’ve been struggling because this has all been so recent, with the move and the new friends. It’s become a new normal, but it’s not a new normal that I want. I’m hoping for a little perspective on how to create positive change— logistical and usable advice. The emotional and psychological implications are things I’ve already considered.
Only pregnant people feel things and need to eat.
No I need an outlet too. If we are going to be in a marriage we talk. I’m not sitting on the phone listen to my friend cry how horrible her husband is and get off and say none of your business when he asks. His input is helpful too. But of course spouses tell each other things.
Hahahahaha
You mean you’re ex?
I’m flabbergasted. Your body and your appearance belong to you – that should go without saying. I strongly suggest you end this relationship and look into meeting dudes who have some actual depth and intelligence. This guy is more interested in you as an object to show off than as a person.
Use condom safe lube. Problem solved.
Trust your guts. You already know, time to move on and away.
Sorry this happened to you.
Good luck ?
Yeah, once you get the ick it's over.
Sorry this happened to you, I'm at least glad you didn't have any kids or anything, and you find out he's garbage when you're still young.
Yes. Becoming independent of both of them is IMO the healthiest option.
I don’t think this girl/relationship is going to get better with you in it. I know your feelings are all mixed up in this, but she doesn’t sound like a safe or enjoyable person to be around. She has ALOT of anger, and very poor self regulation. In that case, a clear, swift, clean exit is best, even if it costs you a lease breaking fee, or staying with friends/ family til the lease is up, in order to accomplish that. Whatever her reasons, she is being toxic. I fear how much this will escalate once you let her know you don’t want this anymore. You deserve better.
Hello /u/ThrowRA1637978,
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
[34NB][88-F] We are two people in an example post
Please resubmit with a corrected title.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Yeah i'm disturbed by that too.
It can play out differently depending on the individuals and the type of relationship that you want. From the sound of it, you two want a playmate or just a third for occasional fun.
It may be a good idea to invite her over to watch a movie and have a casual night at home. The flirting and playfulness should naturally flow to something more.
Alternatively, you all could go out to a bar near your place. The three of you can flirt with one another while out and it'll be your little secret from everyone else which may add the excitement. Then when you're all ready you can head back to your place for sexytime.
Good luck and don't listen to the naysayers. This type of relationship is a lot of fun, and requires communication just like any other successful relationship.
Are you going to keep the baby? If you do you will be stuck with this man for the rest of your life. Even when your not with him in a relationship, there are custody agreements, and child support. Think about this deeply.
I can speak to that issue personally, and OP's bf is full of shit.
Autism does not mean you cannot have feelings for others. It does not mean you can't have empathy. And I'm REALLY tired of that harmful stereotype being perpetuated by AH's like her bf who try to use their diagnoses to get away with their bad behavior.
Those stereotypes of autistic people contribute to us being dehumanized by others. And that sort of thinking is what leads to parents murdering their autistic kids and getting away with it, because “parenting an autistic kid is just so hard”!
I believe funerals are for the living, and it is up to the living to decide what they can and cannot bare. Your BF is being honest with you that he can comfort you in all ways other than physically witnessing the death/funeral of a loved one. He is there for you in all other ways right? I am someone who can't do funerals, I just become such a fcking emotional mess that I cannot comfort anyone around me, and he probably feels like he can't comfort you in the way you'd need during that time, in fact you might even find yourself focusing on comforting him instead. It's nothing to do with being selfish, we just all process/express emotions differently.
Just get it over and done with – you're hurting her more by staying, even if she doesn't know it yet.
sex is important but it isn’t the most important. she didn’t say nothing was going to change but that she can’t control her drive which makes sense. it could go back up
That’s no friend. Dump her.
You handled this absolutely correctly. Sleep well tonight, knowing that.
Do yourself a solid and nope out of the relationship before shit gets weirder/worse. You've been warned.
If they decided to become friends after the formal therapy ended, nothing has been done wrong. There’s nothing to report unless your partner is a non-consenting adult being forced into a friendship. And it sounds like they aren’t.
So out of all the shitty things you've recounted about your toxic relationship, it took a primal scream to make you think maaaaaybeeee you're in a bad relationship?
Maybe someone said something to her about you two being chummy?
She is with someone else and they put the kabash on the friendship?
or
You blew through new relationship energy and the spark is gone
“Mom I’m an adult now. I appreciate my upbringing but I have my own values now and going to church isn’t one of them. I’m sorry if that upsets you but you believe God is all knowing and forgiving so drop it if you want a relationship with me. If your relationship with God doesn’t allow this then so be it.”
She's infatuated/having an affair with someone else. You are her back up plan.
Good that you separated.
Hi thanks for your response. While I understand there’s nothing inherently immoral about what I’m doing— it doesn’t create lasting happiness for me and my relationship. I’ve been struggling because this has all been so recent, with the move and the new friends. It’s become a new normal, but it’s not a new normal that I want. I’m hoping for a little perspective on how to create positive change— logistical and usable advice. The emotional and psychological implications are things I’ve already considered.