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Date: January 7, 2023
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I think we’re making excuses because she’s put in the work.
You’re experience isn’t universal and by actively giving advice to a guy in an emotionally volatile position to just leave the person who chose to stay and work on herself because she’s bad for even having emotions stinks of both ignorance and cowardice. Just because you are willing to throw in the towel at the first sign of resistance doesn’t mean everyone is. Again, this attitude is very much “thinking bad thoughts makes you a bad person” vibes which is whole heartedly not true.
At the very least, if I was OP or sincerely giving this advice to a friend, you need to treat the person you have been with as a human with flaws and give them the same courtesy they showed you. Stop trying to gave a black and white answer to things that are extremely nuanced and varied.
She is confessing to protect herself somehow. Your marriage is built on a lie!
Updateme! Remindme! 2 weeks
I hope the girl you are about to sleep with is a pleasant and good person that will not judge you. Ultimately we cannot predict how she act, so just going to give you some personal anecdote that may help.
The first time I slept with my husband both of us have had plenty of experiences. Despite that, the sex was pretty meh and he went soft at times probably due to nervousness. We kept dating though, since I liked his personality and sex was no longer a priority at that stage of my life.
After a few years sex with him gradually became better. It was both due to communications and getting more comfortable and have more trust and love for each other. So imo your prior experiences doesnt really matter, you still have to build up the chemistry with each new person.
Another thing I want to mention is how awkward/not satisfying my first time felt. To me my feeling towards sex is like wearing a new pair of shoes. The first few times it feels uncomfortable and you might not enjoy it, but the more you try the more rewarding it gets.
Good luck on breaking that seal and dont feel bad if it didnt go the way you imagined.
Aside from the plethora of physical attractiveness younger women have they’re also a lot easier to bed. Older women are usually onto our shit and are less likely to fall to our courting attempts.
Fur example my buddy travis once peed this (F20ish) girls name in the snow and she enthusiastically exclaimed “omg that’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me!” It was like shooting fish in a barrel he Couldn’t miss if he tried. An older woman would hardly be amused by such a display. In fact it might even be considered crass.
Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder and I’ll be the first to tell you what ever you think your fake is there’s a guy out there and that’s his thing! It’s beauty to him!
Older women are incredible! While the attraction for younger women still exists in me if I want truly good sex with someone who knows what they want and how to get it I go for older women every time!
NO BREAD
He answered in another comment, the mum lives with her parents – so I doubt she could help
This is an incredibly unhealthy relationship. You should both find other people you don’t want to scream and throw stuff at.
If your husband is making it impossible for you to go to therapy, or even just get the needed referral for it, perhaps you can go to the library? There are many, many good self-help books out there that can help people identify their individual issues and give them ways to cope with them. Surely he cannot object to you reading, can he? If there are no libraries near you, you can go on Amazon and get free audio books on all sorts of subjects.
Correct me if I'm wrong but is your husband by any chance in the military? If he is, then your medical care is provided by the military and insurance is not needed. Are you sure your husband is telling you the truth about the insurance situation? I have a feeling that he's just a controlling AH who only cares about you to the extent that you clean his house, cook his meals, and do his laundry. And you deserve so much more than just that.
She keeps outing you to people when you've asked her not to. Have you tried putting in these terms to her? Why doesn't she get this is a big deal, it's not that very hot to understand. Are you sure this is this someone you want to have a baby with? It's beyond a boundary violation.
GAPPED
Dude. Get away from this girl now.
There are women in this world who LOVE to use their mouths to write checks that their Man's ass is gonna have to cash.
Your girlfriend just showed you that she is one of those girls. She is going to force you into situations where you have to “prove your manhood” by defending her. And apparently, you live in the sort of neighborhood I used to on-line to. The sort of neighborhood where proving your manhood can be a very, VERY deadly proposition
End it with this chick. Do not let her force you into a confrontation like the one you just walked away from ever again.
You might not walk away from the next one. And I promise you bro, there WILL be a “next one” if you stay with this girl.
Honestly it kinda matters what the feature is? I’ve hated “beards” on men before and liked them on others. I’ve disliked baldness before on people but not on others. I’ve liked and disliked chest hair or moles. It truly honestly depends on what you’re talking about.
girlfriend (22f) asked me to rape her
Oh hell no … walk away from that crazy sh*t. She's your ex-girlfriend now.
leave the relationship
That's the correct answer.
Yeah, sorry it wasn’t included, I felt like the original post was getting too long, I don’t know how to bring it up. I know that he knows better which is why I’m uncomfortable, but with the chocolates, I know it would make him seem like a major jerk if he didn’t return the favor so I don’t want him to turn the conversation into something about the actual action rather than the fact that he didn’t tell me any of this. If I had known, I wouldn’t have been upset because it wouldn’t have felt like he was actively hiding it from me.
I tried but he says he is just busy but he is also active a lot and i can't talk irl because i get scared of the subject
If she seriously thought her little dance and a speech praising her was more important than the birth of her sister, than I don't know what to say, OP.
Your eldest daughter sounds like a real winner and needs to learn to self sooth.
The lack of empathy for the situation on her part concerns me deeply on how she is going to behave around her sister.
Looks like it's time you contacted the OBS
You get the behaviour you accept
“He says we're in our 20s and that we shouldn't settle, that we should live! a little now that we BOTH can.“
Yikes; seems like he assumes the relationship’s open now that you both got dances.
If you want to work it out, establish how you don’t want him going to the club, it was a one time thing, and reiterate your relationship’s boundaries. Have him agree to them.
If he goes to the club anyway, or doubles down on wanting sex with other women, you’ve gotta let him go.
My two cents: taking him there doesn’t mean you’re at fault here. He’s choosing to react this way.
Btw I’ve been to a strip club once and got a lap dance; one of my cringiest experiences tbh. Throwing away a perfectly good relationship because a stripper rubbed her boobs on my face? Couldn’t be me.
Cheating is defined by your relationships established boundaries.
If this boundary was established before your actions then yes you cheated. If there were no boundaries set, then no.
That being said, a 23 year old man has no business trying to woo a 16 year old.
I’m one to usually understand that just because my relationship with someone ends doesn’t mean everyone else needs to stop their relationship with them (if it’s a smooth breakup). However that is if they were close/friends to begin with. She claimed she didn’t like him and were not even friends therefore there would be absolutely no reason for her to want to continue to be in contact with him. She is definitely keeping in contact with him for a reason and it’s clearly a reason in which your feelings don’t matter to her. If your “friend” respected your feelings she would have no problem not talking to this person she claims to not like.
Depends on how it came about.
Domestic abuse
Seek counseling
Dump the guy
You guys are both selfish. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
Clearly to both of you, your careers mean more than the relationship.
Everyone always talks about love. No one talks about tough decisions when it comes to relationships.
Given that they were allegedly high school classmates, I'm guessing that this will be the twist in the next installment of “My Teenage Bride Life”
He had two other bathrooms he could’ve shit in. He wouldn’t have “shit his pants” if he couldn’t get into that one specific bathroom, he’s just being melodramatic because his selfish behavior wasn’t coddled. Him interrupting your session was either a power play, or you matter so little to him that he can’t see why your needs should come before his preferences. This is not the man for you, or anyone really.
I could understand you saying that the chances of finding a healthy sustainable relationship are equal, but I would still argue that the impetus is placed largely on the man, from getting the girl to like him, to asking her out, to keeping her happy. I’m not saying I like these standards but it does seem to me that it’s harder as a man to have self worth when most of your relationships are trying to convince others that you have worth
I love how he said he messaged her to feel confident. You cheated on your GF with a sex worker who was a guaranteed lay, there is no confidence to be had. Only shame. Because he’s a fucking joke
It is sooo nude to not just jump in and fix it all the time. And even harder when you want to fix it but can't
Because of the sheer volume of messages, you don’t have to accuse her of shit to ask about it. Just say something like “I got a call from our provider about billing so I went to check our account online, are you okay? The site shows thousands of messages for this month, that’s not like you” and see what she says.
Absolutely no contact. Block socials and distance yourself. Doing anything else is pain shopping. Hang with friends, enjoy your hobbies, and maybe hit the gym to keep your mind busy.
Any assumption I make about who you are culturally will be construed as racist, so this is probably a bait post. With that being said…
Since when does being “culturally made for each other” mean you should be in a relationship romantically? Personally, I wouldn't waste a single second on a romantic partner who didn't share the same views as I did about the world.
If twelve people are having dinner, and a Nazi joins their table, there are now thirteen Nazis at that table.
People show you their values through what they tolerate in those around them.
Sounds like you two both need to work on what is healthy communication in a relationship…my advice is to go see a couples councilor. Next piece advice is to find some friends.
My opinion is you're too young to get married. Enjoy your 20's. Travel. See the world, Possibly date other people. Don't put up with this bullshit anymore.
yeh. sucks bro. Dont worry there's plenty who are not like that.
If you can't afford it just say so. Why hint? Are you embarrassed? Scared of her reaction? Have you given her the impression you're better off than you are and don't want her to find out? If you don't have the means to pay for it, you can't buy it. Pretty simple.
Her being in the hospital has nothing to do with you. When you guys broke up, you guys became strangers.
You asked her to shower with you so you could demonstrate how to brush her teeth properly.
LOL
I think the lesson here is don’t invite strangers on vacation with you.