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Date: December 9, 2022
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You need to break up. You can't have a life with this person who refuses to be an adult. You want a partner, not a leech.
Unfortunately she’s not taking your feeling into consideration as to how it may make you feel always bring him up. Honestly it feels like she may have feelings for him as well and they do have history. Work is work and since you two work together it’s easy to always bring work up in conversation, but to constantly bring him up and joke about him in a weird way just doesn’t sit right. And her catching herself talking about him is also her knowing she’s wrong for bringing him up. You don’t deserve that. Even if he is the best she should know how to conduct herself. Are you being dramatic? Maybe, but you also deserve respect. Just keep doing your best! Don’t let it get to you. No matter what keep a good spirit and keep pushing to bring your best to the table.
I feel like I would want to bring it up, but at the same time you just got to say fuck it. Just have confidence in yourself. Unless you start seeing some real shady shit you just got to be confident in what you bring to the table. I get it though I know this is nude and I wouldn’t blame you for bringing it up. If you so bring it up just make sure you get everything off your chest the first go around because if she doesn’t respond well it’s gonna be an argument and you don’t want to bring it up again. So make sure you say everything you feel if you go that route. And if she does get mad I think that will say a lot about how much she cares about your feeling, but at the same time you got to be able to take the unvarnished truth on the situation and how she reacts.
I love my husband. If he EVER told me that a friendship I had with a coworker was making him feel insecure, left behind or pushed aside… I would be AGGRESSIVELY reassuring him by my ACTIONS (words too, but they're often not as important) that he was more important. Dates would be lined up, my happy ass would be coming home early just to snuggle and watch TV with him on the couch. My life is with him, no my job, not friends (no kids) HIM. She's forgotten that you chose each other, and can also choose to leave as well.
The way he speaks to you he sees you: Like you‘re the child and he‘s the parent.
From what you‘ve explained I don‘t really think he respects you.
Best of luck to you!!
Crap, I totally forgot how cis men go above and beyond their duty as a husband and father by paying for their wife's childbirth! You're right I'm sorry I discounted their role besides giving sperm. Especially since OP just stepped into adult hood with no savings and working experience. She should be thankful this older financially stable guy knocked her up and not some poor bloke.
Once you ring the bell of mistrust you can never fully get it back. A lot of drama for only a 2 year relationship….
I think she already has got back with him. She just hasn’t admitted it to anyone yet.
This only works when you move in with people who actively search for roommates. Your parents are doing both of you a favor. They didn’t sign up for roommates and offering that is quite insulting.
Stop engaging in screaming matches with him. Tell him that he either behaves and starts respecting you and your parents or he can leave. If he can afford paying rent to your parents, he should be able to pay for a room somewhere.
He doesn’t have to like the way your parents on-line. I wouldn’t either. But this doesn’t mean he gets to change it.
It seems like the issue is they agreed to one thing she did the opposite so now everything regarding that looks suspicious
The point of ghosting is to get you to obsess like this. Assuming you didn’t do anything like cheat on him, then just chalk this up as learning that he’s prone to wildly erratic behavior, accept the breakup, and move on. The last thing you want to do is let this bother you for too long.
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Oh, she knows of the dangers already but i still prefer to stay close
Yikes brother,
I think your girlfriend probably deserves somebody better. I’m not going to shit on you, because at 19 people tend to worry more about these weird things, but I’m sure if you were to tell your gf this directly she would be heartbroken. Just break up with her, you’re not obligated to stick around, and she could move on to someone who will think of her more positively.
What are the thoughts in your head that are making you feel depressed and inadequate?
Well thank you for not shitting on my bf over this one mistake. His so much more than just that. But you are right it doesn't make a great impression and that is probably what my dad remembers the most from it.
No, YOU shut HER down by not letting her use her preferred mode of communication.
Exactly why I’m thinking of op as a clown tbh
Based on his comments, they've had this discussion already. They've talked about the last name for the baby as well. The impression I got from the post was that they're both excited to be parents, and her family is the one putting negative thoughts in her mind. It sounds like he wants to be a good father for their child, he just doesn't want to get married.
Be warned, you had to fight him on it. It’s pretty fucking easy for him to just unblock her later. He’s shown you how he prioritizes other women’s feelings over yours.
Honestly yes, and the guilt I felt was enormous. When we were social he was the man I loved, but at home he wasn't that man so others thought we had a good marriage and were shocked when we split.
I had 2 young kids(5 & 3) which made it extra nude.
I also felt like I'd failed as well and he placed all the blame on me because he didn't want to break up. I lost some friends. I don't think he truly understood why I left and had a lot of anger towards me.
It's now 15 years later. He met someone else almost immediately which hurt at the time. It took me a lot longer to recover.
I met my now husband 5 years later and I now have my needs met as part of my relationship.
Man here. He's wrong.
You’re a huge ass hole and I hope his next gf makes him happy and LISTENS to him
Even if he had nailed the other job interview and definitely got the position, and they directly confirmed him, that was still a horrific thing to do. He should run huge choices like “alienating all my coworkers for a gag” by you. Not to mention that you have friends there too; you know these people. This is hugely embarrassing for you too.
Honestly I am baffled at his behavior. To me it sounds like it could be a real mental break. I really liked another commenter's suggestion of getting him into psych for a day program, and passing on an apology at his office. I doubt it will get his job back, but it might mend a few fences
You need to be firm and stand your ground. Set boundaries. Make clear consequences.
Do the budget sheet first before you talk to her. Open a joint account which needs both signatures for money to be taken out. Have all bills and household expenses come out of there.
Stop her using your credit card. If she does you need consequences in mind otherwise it's like telling your 2 year old “don't do that”, she does it and then you wonder why she doesn't listen or respect you.
Respect is earned. If you find out she used your credit card you make her return it. If she refuses or can't, you report theft. She knows the consequence if she uses it so she must be prepared for the outcome. Truth is she's probably used to getting her way and won't believe you would do that, so she might test it. If you stand firm she will either respect you and your wishes, or leave because you're not being her ATM anymore.
She needs some serious mental help. You need to take her to her mother's, let her family know that she tried to kill herself by jumping out of a moving vehicle on the freeway and that you are no longer going to be in a relationship with her because she puts your life in jeopardy. And then go home and anything that she may have at your house, box up and either put out in the front yard or take it to her mother's and then walk out of this girl's life before she takes yours with her
“I'd like to kiss you, may I?”
It might be embarrassing at first, but the key to love is submitting to the mortifying ideal of being vulnerable ¯_(ツ)_/¯
I don't understand how people find themselves in these kind of situations.
Regardless of whether he's married or a catfish, you are uncomfortable and unhappy with the situation so why do you continue?
Luckily you're only 2 months deep and not 2 years. Give an ultimatum to meet. If he doesn't show up then you have your answer on the next steps to start moving on and placing your energy else where
That is HIS body you don't have any right to decide for him. You have the right to break up if you find it annoying
Very much I love the current gf…
It may get his ass kicked one day. He should chill
Im also shocked that, that is what made OP lose respect for him.
Not saying it's right but fucking hell. Firstly your husband is gross OP he shouldn't be talking about your sister or sending pictures of her like that to other people you should definitely tell her if you love her because fuck tht i dont give a damn about how long uve been together that is your blood. Not some pornstar for them to ogle.
I'm perplexed that you didn't lose respect for him when he started asking you to swing and after you said NO kept on pressuring you.
Disregarding how you felt. Showing you disrespect. Watching gross videos of people you know. And to top it off forwards inappropriate things about your own sister.
Sooo. I kind of have the same question as your husband here. Why don't you leave?
He's a POS what is there to salvage in this marriage with such a pig of a man? You are still young Lord get away from this dude.
I think you said it all. Sometimes you're not in the mood or you just don't want to is more than enough reason to not to.
girl fuck him
It sounds like he’s using you for your affection and gifts but doesn’t actually have genuine feelings for you. The fact that he disappeared for a week without telling you beforehand is a huge red flag. He has seen naïveté in you and exploited it. Get your PC back and end the relationship.
He's happy with things as they are, you want to move to another stage. You've both been clear and honest about what you want right now. Is this also not just about time, for you, but moving to a new stage? Then perhaps you need a convo about where each of you sees it going. I sense you're ready for more commitment but he's not. And that probably does mean the end.
Do I want to be right? Well, yes because nobody wants to be in the wrong. Have I done anything to explicitly be in the wrong? No. Why does that mean I don’t wanna work on this? It’s not about trying to win it over her, it’s about my partner thinking they can make a comment with the intent to be demeaning, not say another word the rest of the night before sleep, and wake up the next day with nothing to say about it… That’s weird. Why am I going to concede ground to behavior like that? We can be adults and stop the issue when it comes up.
This was the comment I was going to make – suicidal AND 6 years to live!?? She’s an ex but also I’m everything to her? It would HURT her…to know that her boyfriend is continuing to cheat?
But mostly the double death excuses – suicide and mystery disease – hilarious.
OP needs to establish appropriate boundaries if she has not already. No means no. Then next time it happens, have a conversation with HR. And, save all the flirty texts in order to back up your story.
6,5 EFFING years!
he started live! 2016 in spring
he started irl 2016 in fall
she moved in 2022 in fall
he told her 2023 in spring
Dude does things by seasons.
Also…. 6,5 years without EVER meeting? ? As if!
He may be trying to tell you he had a kink. Ask him without judgment next time you’re with him (not in the bedroom, a neutral zone) and explore if that’s something you’d be ok with.
I can see why he didn't invite you.
Try talking to him instead of stewing.
As a mother of boys, reading this, really makes me think that you’re not the one and he might have had an epiphany. I love my kids and I know they love me too, but I fully expect them to have a healthy symbiotic partnerships in the future. Meaning I will not be #1 which is the goal here.