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Absolutely not okay. Your efforts to get the condom before sex should have been enough. He did not respect you, and I would venture to say that disrespect will appear in your relationship, as well. Men who don’t like condoms are next-level idiots. It’s not some “primal urge” to cum inside you, it’s just plain disregard for the consequences, which imo is a biiig red flag.
If you want to continue having a relationship with him, you need to set some very firm boundaries. Your anxiety with unprotected sex is valid, and no one is allowed to make those decisions for you.
Well, you weren’t “too harsh” if that’s what you want.
What kind of marriage do you want?
Do you want a marriage where your husband hides things from you? Do you want a marriage where he unilaterally makes plans without discussing them with you?
If the answer is no, and you see this as a a pattern of behavior he’s unwilling to change then you made the right decision.
If you are wavering on those points, or this is a “one time thing”, or you think he’s willing to change, then try again.
It’s what do you want and what is your risk tolerance for being hurt/disappointed again.
You just keep reminding her that this has happened before and that you're fed up with giving her more chances. End with “this time it's not going to work, my mind is made up” or something similar. Make it like a slogan, you know when companies do variations on a theme, but the adverts always end the same?
Didn't realize how common this technique was until I was talking to my wife and her friends about the shit they have to deal with when it comes to men pestering them.
All of them had stories of relentless guys that just couldn't take the hint. More than one had stories of guys going as far as to follow them, touch/grab them, etc. Unfortunately, one of them had a story of being physically assaulted by a guy like this. It was a well known story in the group because it culminated in her going to the hospital. They all agreed it was easier to just “let them finish”.
I don't think you have anything to worry about, since she was the one that told you about it outright.
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Absolutely not okay. Your efforts to get the condom before sex should have been enough. He did not respect you, and I would venture to say that disrespect will appear in your relationship, as well. Men who don’t like condoms are next-level idiots. It’s not some “primal urge” to cum inside you, it’s just plain disregard for the consequences, which imo is a biiig red flag.
If you want to continue having a relationship with him, you need to set some very firm boundaries. Your anxiety with unprotected sex is valid, and no one is allowed to make those decisions for you.
So you’re not ready to be married but you’re ready to have a child together? Okay.
Do you take drugs on the rave?
Okay but where did you get that he wasn't being responsible for her kid though…
Well, you weren’t “too harsh” if that’s what you want.
What kind of marriage do you want?
Do you want a marriage where your husband hides things from you? Do you want a marriage where he unilaterally makes plans without discussing them with you?
If the answer is no, and you see this as a a pattern of behavior he’s unwilling to change then you made the right decision.
If you are wavering on those points, or this is a “one time thing”, or you think he’s willing to change, then try again.
It’s what do you want and what is your risk tolerance for being hurt/disappointed again.
I would check to see that he hasn't already given your SSN or opened any accounts under your name.
You can do that by doing a credit report.
You just keep reminding her that this has happened before and that you're fed up with giving her more chances. End with “this time it's not going to work, my mind is made up” or something similar. Make it like a slogan, you know when companies do variations on a theme, but the adverts always end the same?
Didn't realize how common this technique was until I was talking to my wife and her friends about the shit they have to deal with when it comes to men pestering them.
All of them had stories of relentless guys that just couldn't take the hint. More than one had stories of guys going as far as to follow them, touch/grab them, etc. Unfortunately, one of them had a story of being physically assaulted by a guy like this. It was a well known story in the group because it culminated in her going to the hospital. They all agreed it was easier to just “let them finish”.
I don't think you have anything to worry about, since she was the one that told you about it outright.
With all sincerity, shut up.
If you think you’re going to change anything about a 40 year old man then I have some bad news for you…
We’re older now. People are whoever they’re going to be. The period of life where you can change them is winding down.