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Room for on-line sex video chat Chrystye
Model from: fr
Languages: fr
Birth Date: 1970-12-03
Body Type: bodyTypeAverage
Ethnicity: ethnicityWhite
Hair color: hairColorBlonde
Eyes color: eyeColorBlue
Subculture: subcultureRomantic
Date: October 20, 2022
tl;dr – both of us are of Asian background, stuck with 2 sets of parents in this fun house and neither are leaving for various reasons.
Funny you've mentioned COVID. During the peak a year ago, our kids were mostly home schooling and I had to look after the 2 of them on my own while she insists on working in the office because she gets distracted. Do I not get distracted? As an aside, she pulls in 1/3 of what I earn and I know she's being underpaid by about 20% in the current market. We've argued over why isn't she going to get a new job (blaming the recruiters are toxic – let's be real, a candidate is just a number…sorry) and start pulling her own weight financially.
Intimacy is an issue. At first, I get enough action in bed so I don't really complain but as the years goes by, it goes from a once or twice a month to I have to beg her to get something every 6-8 weeks. I said to her, this is hurting my pride and makes me feel emasculated.
She doesn't seem to believe in these mental health thing. For example, our son is diagnosed with ADHD and ASD, I had to beg her to come along to the psychiatrist. I suspect this is all related to her culture where psychology is only a recent thing and psychiatrist is for the straithjacket types. Counsellors is probably more or less like a fortune teller to her as there's no exact science behind it.
My parents have been living with us all the time. We were young and poor initially and now, my parents have made some stupid financial mistakes and not in a position to have a place of their own so they're living with us. My brother FO to overseas so I'm stuck with them. We are from an Asian background but even so, there's enough subtle differences between the culture itself.
Some of my friends and another forum basically advocated to get rid of both sets of parents. My wife disagreed. I've asked her do you want me to kick my parents out? She said no. It's because my parents does a lot of the chores around the house, cooks the food (a lot of the times they pay for the groceries too and my in laws eat it too…I was called being petty when I pointed this out – your parents eat the food bought and cooked by my parents, WTF?), do some of the kids drop off/pick up duty (her parents don't know how to drive) etc so my parents does serve a purpose for being around.
I've offered to buy her parents an apartment so they could move out to their own place. She said no because I'll ended up owning that apartment anyway. Of course, I'll need to take out another mortgage and I can't exactly have their names on it?
Her parents, over the years, have made all sorts of comments/remarks:
– My wife's car is old, why don't you replace it? We'll chip in some $. All talk, no $ ever got delivered.
– We're well off, we can afford our own place and we'll bring x amount over with us to look for a place of our own. So a week after they arrived, I've asked the wife should I take our son to swimming instead of you. She said why? Well don't you need to find time to go house hunting with your parents? That more or less kick started the latest round of arguments as she thought I was trying to push her parents out (yes I am because I can't stand them).
– We'll buy this and that for the grandkids, made plenty of promises but never realised and left the kids a bit annoyed.
Back to the neglect thing…3 years ago coincide with her mum being here more or less full time and she only left 1.5 years ago because COVID is getting worse in my country whereas it was pretty tamed in China at the time.
Here is my situation, hopefully it will help reading this from someone going through something similar. And Kudos to BF for going to therapy!!!!!
I come from a physically abusive home, diagnosed with CPTSD, major depression, anxiety, the works.
Trauma is incredibly, incredibly, incredibly complex.
Over a period of 6-ish years, I rebuilt my relationship with my mother. I then noticed intrusive, resentful thoughts and avoidant behavior towards my her. Which btw, was super confusing to me. As therapy progressed, I realized that I still have A LOT of anger and resentment towards my mother. Part of my healing was to go no contact. It was my decision and it is what I NEED to heal. As much as I WANT to fully forgive her and let things go, I CAN'T. I literally CAN'T.
While I agree that no family is perfect, we are talking about, potentially, years of abuse that is ingrained into your subconscious. In your BF's most vulnerable time, when he needed comfort, advice, protection, etc. from the person who should provide it, he instead got abuse. This leaves a massive hole inside of you and takes so much time to heal. Sometimes you think you're done processing until a new trigger surfaces. And then you have to process this other fallout from the abuse.
Please be patient with him. Don't push him to talk to you about his past, and support him where you can. Ask him why/if you going to see MIL bugs him. Maybe you talk about your time with her and that may hurt him?
And to add, my mother is an absolutely lovely person now and my family adores her. She deeply regrets what she did when I was a kid and has tried very hot to make amends. I do love her, but I need more time.
it’s not that easy, even if I stop, I will just be faking my emotions throughout the relationship, I actially know where to start, how to get the help I clearly need, it’s not just about commitment
You're both right? Let's look at it this way:
Your wife absolutely DOES want kids, she knows this but she doesn't know if you want kids. All she knows is that you haven't brought up having kids and you haven't done anything to indicate whether or not you're thinking about them.
You, on the other hand, either don't want kids or are on the fence about – meaning you're not totally against the idea of having kids, but you don't have an active desire to start trying for a baby immediately. Because of this, it's not something you've thought to bring up to your wife to talk about either because you don't know if you want kids or because you figure that since she hasn't also brought up the idea of kids, it must mean she doesn't want them.
In this scenario, direct communication would absolutely be best because this is a lifelong decision that needs to be made. Once you have a kid, you can't go back to not having a kid. You both would need to figure out if having kids is in your future, do you actually want them or not? If you don't, then is the relationship going to continue and will she be happy giving up on having kids, or is her desire to have kids and your desire to not have them taking you to the end of the line for the relationship? If you do want kids, then you both need to figure out if you want them now or in a couple years?
In this scenario, she 100% should come up to you and just say “Hey, we've never talked about kids and I realize I don't know whether or not you want them; do you?” and then go from there to talk about it if's and when's.
On the other hand, in your scenario, dinner is a decision that can be changed. Having chicken once doesn't mean that is the ONLY thing you can ever eat for dinner for the rest of your life. You can be prepping to make chicken and you really want chicken, but your wife is craving steak but it's not something she's dead set on and she'd be fine with having chicken if it's really what you want.
“Probing” you, in this scenario is fine because…well, if you want chicken more than your wife wants steak, that doesn't mean she can never have steak? Being direct about it makes it seem more like this is something your wife absolutely does want and that she will be unhappy if you deny the request, when the reality is that she doesn't care either way, and she is asking you about your process and figuring out where you stand on the matter so that she can decide whether or not to ask you because she wants to take how you feel into consideration before asking something that could make you feel pressured into changing your course of action just for her.
Also, sometimes it's nice to just talk to your partner about what they're doing. I know I like to watch people cook, not because I'm supervising them or waiting for anything, I just like watching people cook.
I would tell my brother. Because 1) what if something has already happened to him and he just doesn’t know who to talk to? 2) if something eventually DOES happen to him, the guilt that you didn’t warn him will kill you
Im straight and I am just as baffled as you. If this was like a special thing just the two of them, ok fine its a little weird and in danger of going into EA territory, but a one off business lunch with a co-worker, what level of insecurity do you have to have to not be ok with that.
What is most unfortunate in this whole situation is how you're not willing to hold her feet to the fire. It's fine if you're too afraid to learn the truth, but the least you can do for yourself is to accept the fact that they had sex and proceed accordingly.
The possible reasons for her confession are too numerous to list; cold feet and wanting a way out, guilt before the wedding, or her affair partner calling it quits unless she leaves you. You choose, but in the end, it comes down to the same result. Whether you end it now or she does this again in the future, this relationship has failure written all over it.
You would think that the worst part of cheating is the sex, but it's actually the loss of trust because try as you might it, distrust and fear will always be in the back of your mind.
I'm an a and e nurse. From all the RTCs that I see it's the bikes that have the worst injuries. Seen people made quads with life changing head injuries ect. Can be with cars too but they tend to be no seat belt/speeding /very high speed.
On another note my BIL is a cop in a place known for bikers, county roads, Hills ect. The undertakers there keep a shovel in their kit for the bikers that expire on those roads. Usually spread out a long way.