In fairness to him you've only really been together this go round for less than a year. Normally you'd give it another six months before you even considered living together. But it's probably worth asking him if he thinks this will always be the case. Because if you're “exhausting” and he'll never want to cohabit with you this is something you might want to know now (so you can make your decisions accordingly).
I suspect the therapy for him is by far the main part of that, and will be of help for him regardless of what happens with him and OP. Let's hope both routes have a good outcome!
My friends would also understand that I wouldn't be attending any events with my ex or ex-bff. If they still plan other events with just me, we could stay friends. If the two I won't be around are always invited, they've made it clear that they don't care if I come or not.
Your son has a toxic view of women. He doesn't see women as a positive asset like you do, he sees them as an enemy. Quite frankly, your son hates women. His prostitution habit is the best way he can reconcile his sexual needs without having to go through the traditional dating process.
There's not much you can do to fix this. You can try to discuss his beliefs about women and attempt to change it, but he might not be willing to change his mind.
I'm basically treated the same way in my family. I've learned to just say sorry can't make it on such short notice (I'd literally get a phone call about a niece or nephew's party day of). I also stopped reaching out to them, and since they don't ever contact me unless they needed something I didn't hear from them. When they did reach out and need something, I made up an excuse and said no, no matter what it was, they eventually got the message.
That it's not true, I would tell him that he can't see it cause he doubts himself but that he's actually really bright and a wonderful person. Though now, after a few years, I just tell him he's using it as an excuse because he he's not, and that he needs to stop self-pitying
Unless he thinks you're gonna leave him for watching porn, there's something a lot more serious going on here and you probably need to let him know how much trouble your relationship might be in if he doesn't come clean.
I think we are both on the same wavelength maturity wise etc, we graduated uni together (as he came here to do uni) and we're both looking into getting a house etc. I don't care about age as long as I know I'm above legal age (not in a paedophilic way etc, in a societal way) what I care about is connection, because ultimately if anything romantic did come out of it, that would be the most vital thing. But right now it seems slim to naught đ
A break shouldnât include talking⌠you guys need true space apart – including cutting communication- to really evaluate what you both want. Iâm not even going to address your âcompromiseâ with her after she said she didnât want sex then breaking up with her when she put her foot down regarding her boundaries because we both already know how disgusting that was of you. I donât need to drag you further when youâre already down. But in future- NO means NO. Deal with it. And if it IS a dealbreaker for you thatâs fine, you deserve to feel fulfilled- but it does mean you two arenât compatible. I think you both need to move on.
I would recommend a therapist here, not because you aren't allowed to have your boundaries but simply because based on what you have told us, your fears and mental health issues seem to be in control of you instead of the other way around. Do what you need to do to win that fight and then bang wherever you want.
Well talk about it asap. If you let it fester there might be more issues or you might resent it to the point youâre rash. Have your thoughts collected and donât let him make excuses
I have had that exact âlight switchâ moment with husband after he deeply hurt me. I just felt like the part of my brain that cared tremendously about him turned off. I have tried to turn it back on for awhile now. Nothing has flipped the light switch back.
It does not matter. You're using this to keep him in your head which is entirely counter productive.
To get someone like this out of your life, you need to get them out of your life. Forget about “I'm just curious” and forget about him.
do you have a source for weed damaging a 21 year old's brain? that doesn't sound correct to me
In fairness to him you've only really been together this go round for less than a year. Normally you'd give it another six months before you even considered living together. But it's probably worth asking him if he thinks this will always be the case. Because if you're “exhausting” and he'll never want to cohabit with you this is something you might want to know now (so you can make your decisions accordingly).
I suspect the therapy for him is by far the main part of that, and will be of help for him regardless of what happens with him and OP. Let's hope both routes have a good outcome!
My friends would also understand that I wouldn't be attending any events with my ex or ex-bff. If they still plan other events with just me, we could stay friends. If the two I won't be around are always invited, they've made it clear that they don't care if I come or not.
Your son has a toxic view of women. He doesn't see women as a positive asset like you do, he sees them as an enemy. Quite frankly, your son hates women. His prostitution habit is the best way he can reconcile his sexual needs without having to go through the traditional dating process.
There's not much you can do to fix this. You can try to discuss his beliefs about women and attempt to change it, but he might not be willing to change his mind.
Love him from a distance if you can.
I'm basically treated the same way in my family. I've learned to just say sorry can't make it on such short notice (I'd literally get a phone call about a niece or nephew's party day of). I also stopped reaching out to them, and since they don't ever contact me unless they needed something I didn't hear from them. When they did reach out and need something, I made up an excuse and said no, no matter what it was, they eventually got the message.
they could but, age can def be a factor.
That it's not true, I would tell him that he can't see it cause he doubts himself but that he's actually really bright and a wonderful person. Though now, after a few years, I just tell him he's using it as an excuse because he he's not, and that he needs to stop self-pitying
Unless he thinks you're gonna leave him for watching porn, there's something a lot more serious going on here and you probably need to let him know how much trouble your relationship might be in if he doesn't come clean.
I think we are both on the same wavelength maturity wise etc, we graduated uni together (as he came here to do uni) and we're both looking into getting a house etc. I don't care about age as long as I know I'm above legal age (not in a paedophilic way etc, in a societal way) what I care about is connection, because ultimately if anything romantic did come out of it, that would be the most vital thing. But right now it seems slim to naught đ
A break shouldnât include talking⌠you guys need true space apart – including cutting communication- to really evaluate what you both want. Iâm not even going to address your âcompromiseâ with her after she said she didnât want sex then breaking up with her when she put her foot down regarding her boundaries because we both already know how disgusting that was of you. I donât need to drag you further when youâre already down. But in future- NO means NO. Deal with it. And if it IS a dealbreaker for you thatâs fine, you deserve to feel fulfilled- but it does mean you two arenât compatible. I think you both need to move on.
It is totally normal and usually expected.
I would recommend a therapist here, not because you aren't allowed to have your boundaries but simply because based on what you have told us, your fears and mental health issues seem to be in control of you instead of the other way around. Do what you need to do to win that fight and then bang wherever you want.
Well talk about it asap. If you let it fester there might be more issues or you might resent it to the point youâre rash. Have your thoughts collected and donât let him make excuses
I have had that exact âlight switchâ moment with husband after he deeply hurt me. I just felt like the part of my brain that cared tremendously about him turned off. I have tried to turn it back on for awhile now. Nothing has flipped the light switch back.