Why do men always criticize women for having valid concerns about their relationships? There’s been many a case where the dude cheats and compensated for it
So I’m a straight person so take this with a grain of salt, but I do spend a lot of time with the community and my best friend is bi with a similar history as you (everyone around her throwing fit/voicing opinions when she went from dating man to woman and vase versa). something I’ve sort of noticed from gen z compared to millennials is the desire/need to ‘keep people updated’ on their sexuality, and Ive seen this lead to a lot of unnecessary stress.
I would ask yourself… do you need to talk to the people in your life about this at all? Why not see what this crush leads to before having to come out again? It’s nobody’s business but your own. If you do end up with this guy, introduce him as your boyfriend and they will get it. If you are inclined to clarify or if someone is rude enough to comment, you can specify that you’re attracted to both Men and women.
Particularly for the people who it went poorly in the first place with, they don’t deserve an update here. Plus – as you said – sexuality is fluid. You might settle into identifying as bi for the rest of your life, you might not.
Since you are mentionning a good point (possible heart break). Can I ask you what would make you feel confident that the person you are with won't brake your heart ?
I had issues with my husband before when he didn't share important events going on in his life and I understood that he lacks trust. I tried my best to help him confide in me and I showered him with love and affection but I seemed to hurt myself more than help him feel comfortable…
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This will be a completely new stage in our relationship, and the more I think about it we're probably just worrying for nothing – this is what the rest of our lives is going to be like after all. The reassurance is appreciated though.
I'm not seeing the justification against a firearm here, if the only argument is “more dangerous”, without considering that using one is a last resort option, but it should always remain an option when you're legally allowed to protect yourself and your household.
People facing an intruder do not have the luxury to take the time to figure out the criminal's intent or if they're armed. There's no logical reason in the argument – no, opinion- you present here.
The situation is already life threatening for the victim. Removing an option that could definitely save your life or that of others inside your own home doesn't make any sense.
Dude, the beginning to all relationships are vague and confusing. You can’t get mad at her for not being exclusive when you two guys first met. Everyone’s lives are so complicated and a lot of times there are hang ups from the previous relationship. The fact that she would just Netflix and chill with this guy but wanted to take it slow with you shows that she likes you and didn’t want to mess your relationship up.
Also, she was 20! It’s ancients history. Take it from someone who has been burnt badly before, this is something you can move on from.
You can't see it but that guy is a total As***le, you deserve much better. With 36 he is not going to change, is not some teen with issues, he is a grown up with issues that is trying to manipulate an isolate you.
It doesn't matter if a movie about male strippers is or isn't equivalent to hard girls on Instagram, but whether he feels the same way about you watching the movie as you feel about him following the girls.
I've had a codeine addiction for the past few years. There's been a couple of relapses while in recovery and I had a slip recently, but I felt so ashamed and guilty after the slip, that I don't want to touch the stuff.
And then you hear stories like this and it weighs on me. Would it just take one major life event to send me back where I was?
I can't get hold of the pure stuff anymore (finally got my GP to stop giving it to me) and I found other OTC painkillers that deal with my pain and don't contain codeine, but am I just a ticking bomb waiting to be set off?
How do you know what kind of addict you are and what will cause a relapse?
When I was about 21 or 22 I asked my dad if he would date someone in their early twenties if he and my mom split and his immediate response was to cringe and say “Ew I already have a twenty year old, why on earth would I want to DATE one? What would we even talk about? Gross.”
THAT is a normal response from a grown man when you ask if he’d date someone the same age as his child. You are a sick man and your daughter did good by cutting contact with you. You should be ashamed but I bet you’re not.
Unfortunately, there isn't the kind of closure you seek, in branding up with a cheater. And yes, you are doing to have to come to terms that it was all a lie.
The grace for you lies in realizing you can go forward in your life without that now. He stole the past several months from you, but you've reclaimed the rest of your life. Don't berate yourself for not knowing; you were lied to, and there isn't shame in believing your partner. The shame is HIS alone. Yeah, fuck you Bryan! I was married to a serial cheater for 25 years and truly didn't know, until I found out. I separated and divorced very quickly, when it became clear he just continued to lie about it. It's the giant regret of my life, I have up so much to be his wife – he was a military officer and we moved all the time. I raised two kids under those tough conditions. But you know what? I did a fucking fantastic job I was a terrific (faithful) wife, made him look great on the job, raised well behaved, smart daughters who were a credit to him… none of that ceases to be true, just because he couldn't behave himself. He has a character disorder, clearly – and that's not on me.
What I did get, was the rest of my life free from looking after his ungrateful cheating, and the lies that bloom from his toxic tongue.
You need to spend some time single and working on yourself: this is a season to treat yourself kindly, reconnect with platonic friends who really make you feel like your authentic, fulfilled self. Pick up a new hobby or two. Explore your city, take a little roadtrip. Think of it as dating yourself for a bit. Connect with a therapist for awhile if you're still struggling to put the deception into context and can't find a healthy perspective for yourself – it can be so, so helpful and really help you fix your perception of relationships, expectations, and essentially “fix your picker.”
I divorced my ex 10 years ago now, and I've had a terrific time meeting my real self, even though I was in my mid 40s at that point. I've been with a genuinely sweet hyper-faithful guy for the last 6. He treats me like a precious thing, thinks he's lucky to have me. Acts like he struck gold everytime he comes home and I've got dinner in the oven. (He was a bachelor for a long time, after divorcing a cheater too.)
I wish you the best. I'm sorry that your reality has that there aren't answers when you leave a cheater, but that's his it works. I'm sure you were a great girlfriend to him – and you get to keep that! You'll be a great partner to whomever comes next. I understand the desire to make sense of it all, but resist the desire to seek that out from him – just be No Contact, block him everywhere, and do what you can to move forward and heal your hurt on your own.
All those reasons you gave are still in place if you open the relationship. Seems like you are just afraid to break up, but deep down it is what you really want.
Don't take a break. If you love this person and your intention is to stick around, do not take a break. It will absolutely send the wrong message to him. Personally, I've been through these issues myself, and thought it was all coming from me. But I did couples counseling with my partner and my god it was amazing. They were definitely things I was doing incorrectly, I had jealousy issues with specific things, my neediness amongst others. And I had slight issues with my partner that I got to feel validated over. It just allows everyone to feel heard. If you feel like you can't be a good girlfriend right now, I think you should do couples counseling. He may not be doing anything wrong, but a couples counselor will be able to guide you more properly in your relationship. And maybe you'll discover things on both ends that you didn't realize. It helped me so much in my relationship I can't even begin to describe. And just have an open line of communication with your partner. Tell him you don't feel like a good girlfriend right now, and you feel like you need help. You should rely on him emotionally instead of detach yourself from him. If he loves you, he will support you no matter what.
You’re spineless dude. She literally had this guy lobbying and bullying you on her behalf.
Why do men always criticize women for having valid concerns about their relationships? There’s been many a case where the dude cheats and compensated for it
So I’m a straight person so take this with a grain of salt, but I do spend a lot of time with the community and my best friend is bi with a similar history as you (everyone around her throwing fit/voicing opinions when she went from dating man to woman and vase versa). something I’ve sort of noticed from gen z compared to millennials is the desire/need to ‘keep people updated’ on their sexuality, and Ive seen this lead to a lot of unnecessary stress.
I would ask yourself… do you need to talk to the people in your life about this at all? Why not see what this crush leads to before having to come out again? It’s nobody’s business but your own. If you do end up with this guy, introduce him as your boyfriend and they will get it. If you are inclined to clarify or if someone is rude enough to comment, you can specify that you’re attracted to both Men and women.
Particularly for the people who it went poorly in the first place with, they don’t deserve an update here. Plus – as you said – sexuality is fluid. You might settle into identifying as bi for the rest of your life, you might not.
Since you are mentionning a good point (possible heart break). Can I ask you what would make you feel confident that the person you are with won't brake your heart ?
I had issues with my husband before when he didn't share important events going on in his life and I understood that he lacks trust. I tried my best to help him confide in me and I showered him with love and affection but I seemed to hurt myself more than help him feel comfortable…
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Thank you 🙂
This will be a completely new stage in our relationship, and the more I think about it we're probably just worrying for nothing – this is what the rest of our lives is going to be like after all. The reassurance is appreciated though.
I'm not seeing the justification against a firearm here, if the only argument is “more dangerous”, without considering that using one is a last resort option, but it should always remain an option when you're legally allowed to protect yourself and your household.
People facing an intruder do not have the luxury to take the time to figure out the criminal's intent or if they're armed. There's no logical reason in the argument – no, opinion- you present here.
The situation is already life threatening for the victim. Removing an option that could definitely save your life or that of others inside your own home doesn't make any sense.
You are a shitty person
Dude, the beginning to all relationships are vague and confusing. You can’t get mad at her for not being exclusive when you two guys first met. Everyone’s lives are so complicated and a lot of times there are hang ups from the previous relationship. The fact that she would just Netflix and chill with this guy but wanted to take it slow with you shows that she likes you and didn’t want to mess your relationship up.
Also, she was 20! It’s ancients history. Take it from someone who has been burnt badly before, this is something you can move on from.
Just going to say the same as everyone: Leave.
You can't see it but that guy is a total As***le, you deserve much better. With 36 he is not going to change, is not some teen with issues, he is a grown up with issues that is trying to manipulate an isolate you.
This is fake and rage bait.
Sounds like she has a drinking problem as well.
She’s doing it because you’re allowing it. What’s her motivation to stop?
UpdateMe!
It doesn't matter if a movie about male strippers is or isn't equivalent to hard girls on Instagram, but whether he feels the same way about you watching the movie as you feel about him following the girls.
Nah.
You're right.
And he probably doesn't deserve you.
Carrie, Charolette, Miranda, and Samantha
Stories like this terrify me.
I've had a codeine addiction for the past few years. There's been a couple of relapses while in recovery and I had a slip recently, but I felt so ashamed and guilty after the slip, that I don't want to touch the stuff.
And then you hear stories like this and it weighs on me. Would it just take one major life event to send me back where I was?
I can't get hold of the pure stuff anymore (finally got my GP to stop giving it to me) and I found other OTC painkillers that deal with my pain and don't contain codeine, but am I just a ticking bomb waiting to be set off?
How do you know what kind of addict you are and what will cause a relapse?
When I was about 21 or 22 I asked my dad if he would date someone in their early twenties if he and my mom split and his immediate response was to cringe and say “Ew I already have a twenty year old, why on earth would I want to DATE one? What would we even talk about? Gross.”
THAT is a normal response from a grown man when you ask if he’d date someone the same age as his child. You are a sick man and your daughter did good by cutting contact with you. You should be ashamed but I bet you’re not.
Unfortunately, there isn't the kind of closure you seek, in branding up with a cheater. And yes, you are doing to have to come to terms that it was all a lie.
The grace for you lies in realizing you can go forward in your life without that now. He stole the past several months from you, but you've reclaimed the rest of your life. Don't berate yourself for not knowing; you were lied to, and there isn't shame in believing your partner. The shame is HIS alone. Yeah, fuck you Bryan! I was married to a serial cheater for 25 years and truly didn't know, until I found out. I separated and divorced very quickly, when it became clear he just continued to lie about it. It's the giant regret of my life, I have up so much to be his wife – he was a military officer and we moved all the time. I raised two kids under those tough conditions. But you know what? I did a fucking fantastic job I was a terrific (faithful) wife, made him look great on the job, raised well behaved, smart daughters who were a credit to him… none of that ceases to be true, just because he couldn't behave himself. He has a character disorder, clearly – and that's not on me.
What I did get, was the rest of my life free from looking after his ungrateful cheating, and the lies that bloom from his toxic tongue.
You need to spend some time single and working on yourself: this is a season to treat yourself kindly, reconnect with platonic friends who really make you feel like your authentic, fulfilled self. Pick up a new hobby or two. Explore your city, take a little roadtrip. Think of it as dating yourself for a bit. Connect with a therapist for awhile if you're still struggling to put the deception into context and can't find a healthy perspective for yourself – it can be so, so helpful and really help you fix your perception of relationships, expectations, and essentially “fix your picker.”
I divorced my ex 10 years ago now, and I've had a terrific time meeting my real self, even though I was in my mid 40s at that point. I've been with a genuinely sweet hyper-faithful guy for the last 6. He treats me like a precious thing, thinks he's lucky to have me. Acts like he struck gold everytime he comes home and I've got dinner in the oven. (He was a bachelor for a long time, after divorcing a cheater too.)
I wish you the best. I'm sorry that your reality has that there aren't answers when you leave a cheater, but that's his it works. I'm sure you were a great girlfriend to him – and you get to keep that! You'll be a great partner to whomever comes next. I understand the desire to make sense of it all, but resist the desire to seek that out from him – just be No Contact, block him everywhere, and do what you can to move forward and heal your hurt on your own.
Changed how? What do you mean the world has changed?
You are either his side piece, or his midlife crisis. The reason he won't post you is because he's ashamed of himself in some capacity
Nobody opens gifts AT the wedding.
All those reasons you gave are still in place if you open the relationship. Seems like you are just afraid to break up, but deep down it is what you really want.
I know, it’s a figure of speech
Don't take a break. If you love this person and your intention is to stick around, do not take a break. It will absolutely send the wrong message to him. Personally, I've been through these issues myself, and thought it was all coming from me. But I did couples counseling with my partner and my god it was amazing. They were definitely things I was doing incorrectly, I had jealousy issues with specific things, my neediness amongst others. And I had slight issues with my partner that I got to feel validated over. It just allows everyone to feel heard. If you feel like you can't be a good girlfriend right now, I think you should do couples counseling. He may not be doing anything wrong, but a couples counselor will be able to guide you more properly in your relationship. And maybe you'll discover things on both ends that you didn't realize. It helped me so much in my relationship I can't even begin to describe. And just have an open line of communication with your partner. Tell him you don't feel like a good girlfriend right now, and you feel like you need help. You should rely on him emotionally instead of detach yourself from him. If he loves you, he will support you no matter what.
Hear hear