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Languages: en
Birth Date: 1999-11-08
Body Type: bodyTypeThin
Ethnicity: ethnicityAsian
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Date: October 23, 2022
My grandfather left as soon as his papers were done. This sounds like he’s looking for some reason to leave as soon as it’s done as well. So sorry you’re going through this. But be careful! Who knows how unhinged he’ll become once he finds out you’re stopping it if that’s really his intent.
she posted saying he was her “boyfriend”
I've been in and out of therapy almost my whole life due to past childhood trauma. So there is that.
To give OP a little grace, dealing with trauma of this kind is not something the average 20-something year old knows how to do. OP’s partner needs to be in therapy and working on himself (in my opinion way before getting into a romantic relationship). It’s not her responsibility to “fix” the issues or tip toe around him. I believe that’s why she thinks a romantic weekend will fix the intimacy issues because she isn’t fully grasping the severity.
I just wish OP’s boyfriend would advocate for himself and work on his traumas before bringing someone else into it who might traumatize him even more.
Went to a wedding 2 months ago where all they wanted was from married people to write down advice that has helped their own marriages. It was a very cute idea. And many people were writing 10+ cards of advice. They also asked everyone to sign a beautiful woodwork that was to be varnished the next day. There are so many things to come up with.
He’s a good guy but – he took off a condom to have sex with you unprotected without your consent. He’s a good guy but – he lied to you about his status and getting tested. He’s a good guy but – he emotionally manipulated you so that you wouldn’t be mad that he gave you chlamydia and instead you’d feel sad he was sad. He’s 27 dude – he’s not naive he just doesn’t actually care about this shit – or your feelings about them. If he had come to you and said ‘I am so sorry, after you brought up the strip tests I realized I hadn’t gotten one in a long time so I got one and I have chlamydia’ that would be an appropriate grown up response that shows he cares and is worthy of another change. He didn’t do that. He waited for you to push him to it and then acted the victim.
What are you doing bestie?
He’s allowed to feel sad about the situation, is allowed to wish he knew earlier, and even fantasize that he may have been able to heal her with his love if only he knew before (not how it works.) He isn’t a bad person based on this ignorant response.
But her not telling him isn’t about him. It’s not like she was sharing this with everyone but him. She literally couldn’t even admit it to herself until she was forced to acknowledge it by being retraumatized.
Idk why you can’t get that.