Most adults don’t celebrate monthly anniversaries.
Adults should be able to get themselves home, or at least use their words and ask if they need help.
Is a little trickier. I get it, when you’re used to sharing a bed it’s difficult to sleep with someone. But for a lot of people, sharing a bed is a sign of intimacy.
The real problem here is your gf’s expectation that you read her mind. If she wants/needs monthly celebrations and snuggles all night and to he driven everywhere, that’s ok—she’s allowed to have needs. But you’re allowed to decide if you’re compatible, and if you’re willing to supply those needs.
She needs to start telling you what she needs ahead of time, not letting you unknowingly screw up then get upset.
My point is that there’s no way that the people who were in charge of the retreat presented the idea of open relationships to be discussed as something different from a sin or a sexual deviation. If she came with that idea FROM the retreat, it was because someone SPECIFIC attending that retreat convinced her.
Yea, breakups are very hot. The thing that most people struggle to understand right after a breakup is that closure doesn’t come from your ex. You don’t get closure by talking to your ex, saying goodbye, talking through everything that happened, etc. Talking to your ex is only going to make you realize how much you miss them and second guess your decision. The neurotransmitters that fire in your brain during a relationship are just like an addiction — meeting up to talk to your ex is essentially a relapse when you’re trying to sober up.
People who have successfully moved on from a breakup can tell you that closure comes from within. It comes from realizing that they’re not longer part of your life and accepting that. Your relationship was just a singular chapter in your book, and you won’t get to reach the climax of the story until you flip past the last page of your relationship’s chapter. You’ll never reach the climax if you keep flipping back and re-reading the character development.
I feel like she's already had a track record of making me look like the bad guy by saying the worst things about me to all of her and our mutual friends. She always made it about me being non-comital. I just couldn't bring myself to get married until we addressed some issues about how she treated me. In hindsight those same abusive traits were likely the precursor to her being so cavalier about her infidelity. I never spoke ill of her because it's never been in my nature to blast anyones character. I still haven't told anyone that she cheated on me aside from a therapist. I've wanted to process it myself and just leave it alone. It just has not been enough.
But yeah. I think about messaging her sister with what happened just to literally tell at least one person that we know, what kind of person she really is.
Yeah, it’s all about her fitting into his life/living space with absolutely ZERO concessions to her as a human being with her own interests in her life/living space.
You said your work schedule was preventing you from doing more to help your sick gf with the chores in your shared household, that you work more and have less free time than your gf so you can’t help more… now you are suggesting you sit and play video games and watch tv until midnight or 1, you could take the few minutes and wash some of those dishes or start the laundry, not even saying you have to stop your tv or video game time but you can use a little of it to contribute to your own household chores more.
I mean by that he should listen, which he probably would. Im not blaming him here.
I’m pretty firmly on your side here, especially:
Most adults don’t celebrate monthly anniversaries.
Adults should be able to get themselves home, or at least use their words and ask if they need help.
Is a little trickier. I get it, when you’re used to sharing a bed it’s difficult to sleep with someone. But for a lot of people, sharing a bed is a sign of intimacy.
The real problem here is your gf’s expectation that you read her mind. If she wants/needs monthly celebrations and snuggles all night and to he driven everywhere, that’s ok—she’s allowed to have needs. But you’re allowed to decide if you’re compatible, and if you’re willing to supply those needs.
She needs to start telling you what she needs ahead of time, not letting you unknowingly screw up then get upset.
My point is that there’s no way that the people who were in charge of the retreat presented the idea of open relationships to be discussed as something different from a sin or a sexual deviation. If she came with that idea FROM the retreat, it was because someone SPECIFIC attending that retreat convinced her.
Yea, breakups are very hot. The thing that most people struggle to understand right after a breakup is that closure doesn’t come from your ex. You don’t get closure by talking to your ex, saying goodbye, talking through everything that happened, etc. Talking to your ex is only going to make you realize how much you miss them and second guess your decision. The neurotransmitters that fire in your brain during a relationship are just like an addiction — meeting up to talk to your ex is essentially a relapse when you’re trying to sober up.
People who have successfully moved on from a breakup can tell you that closure comes from within. It comes from realizing that they’re not longer part of your life and accepting that. Your relationship was just a singular chapter in your book, and you won’t get to reach the climax of the story until you flip past the last page of your relationship’s chapter. You’ll never reach the climax if you keep flipping back and re-reading the character development.
Good luck
I feel like she's already had a track record of making me look like the bad guy by saying the worst things about me to all of her and our mutual friends. She always made it about me being non-comital. I just couldn't bring myself to get married until we addressed some issues about how she treated me. In hindsight those same abusive traits were likely the precursor to her being so cavalier about her infidelity. I never spoke ill of her because it's never been in my nature to blast anyones character. I still haven't told anyone that she cheated on me aside from a therapist. I've wanted to process it myself and just leave it alone. It just has not been enough.
But yeah. I think about messaging her sister with what happened just to literally tell at least one person that we know, what kind of person she really is.
Yeah, it’s all about her fitting into his life/living space with absolutely ZERO concessions to her as a human being with her own interests in her life/living space.
If you’re too up your own ass with resentment and entitlement to take public transportation to get to work, then no, I guess you don’t have a job.
OP’s children are an “emotionless third party?” I’m sorry for whoever hurt you, but holy projection, Batman.
Let her go. You need to focus on being you and alone. Everything you said was selfish
You said your work schedule was preventing you from doing more to help your sick gf with the chores in your shared household, that you work more and have less free time than your gf so you can’t help more… now you are suggesting you sit and play video games and watch tv until midnight or 1, you could take the few minutes and wash some of those dishes or start the laundry, not even saying you have to stop your tv or video game time but you can use a little of it to contribute to your own household chores more.
I’ve just started to feel better somewhat without her and I think this might just make it worse
This is total nonsense. Most is not even coherent talk.