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Kathy, 48 y.o.
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Date: November 4, 2022
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Women can sleep with as many men as they want but don't be surprised when the guy doesn't want you after you reveal a high bodycount. Who knows if these 50 hoodies were hookups OP didn't really specify what type of game his gf was playing.
In fairness, he could be wildly self centered and be worried about the friend's reaction while not giving a crap about his partner or her feelings.
I suggest you close this book of your life with your ex once and for all. Delete him and forget about him. He has moved on and so have you.
Focus on your own family as this is where you should place your happiness and look towards the future on.
There is no what if's with your ex. If you keep pushing for this against all odds the ones who will suffer due to your change of heart will be you, your husband and your children.
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My grandfather insisted on manners
Grab your kid and leave, kinda obvious dude.
He isn't treating you like how someone who loves you would. In fact it sounds like he never has. It boggles my mind that you're still so attracted and dedicated to this waste of space and time. Get out of the fog and leave him. Don't marry him (though it doesn't even seem like he actually wants to marry you). Absolutely DO NOT have a baby with him. Have some respect for yourself for once.
I did the break up as I was on sabbatical and was just sitting at home overthinking everything in my head she was toxic and was always having an issue w everything I did. Whether it was going out or sitting at home and not letting her know. So I ended it but after knowing what I lost and I did a full check on all the fights and I saw that the issue was me as I have a flaw of communication either I don’t do it or I’m delayed. So she was actually a gem of a person it was me who had the issues causing me to blame her and ending it. Even after all of this she’s still stuck around and given me the same love she did before.
That wouldn't be alimony or child support. If you want to just give her money because you feel sorry for her than do that, but don't call it alimony or child support which have very distinct meanings. Absolutely don't call it either of those things.
Alimony is for after a divorce so that the financially dependent partner doesn't struggle financially. For instance lets say John and Jane are married. John is wealthy and makes all the money in the relationship. Jane dropped out of school to raise their child, she has been out of the working world and relying on his income. Now they divorce. John has no struggle because he already has a well paying job. Jane grew accustomed to the lifestyle of a stay at home parent with no income of her own. It's not fair that she be thrown into the cold on her own without any means to make a livable income. John is court ordered to pay her an amount every month so that she can survive since during the marriage he was supporting her. You aren't married to her, this financial dependence you've created isn't legally tied together like a marriage would be. Alimony doesn't even happen in every divorce.
Child support is for a person to pay for THEIR OWN child. Children cost a lot of money, and the parents are the primary responsibility to pay for the child's well being. If the parents are not living together then child support exists so that both legal parents are still financially responsible (you aren't a legal parent of her child). If custody is equal split that usually offsets a financial payment. One detail is that if both parents are paying child support then both parents have rights to see the child. Maybe she doesn't want him to pay so that he will stay away, maybe he doesn't make any recordable income, maybe she feels threatened by him.
What did she do before you came along? Is the baby only 11 months old? Why exactly is she not making him pay child support? How did this snowball into you paying for all her expenses? It's not a bad thing that you do, it's just that she knows that she's dependent on you. Help her be independent instead of just planning to be her bank account. It starts by addressing why her ex isn't paying child support, it's his duty (unless she would rather keep him away, but still his duty). Then look into any government funds she can use, there might be programs that help single mothers pay for food/housing.
I’d love to have an open an honest conversation with her. That’s why I posted this, I’m wondering how I approach it because something is off and I just want to make sure I don’t hurt her feelings when I bring it up. I’m not exactly a ‘tactful’ person, so I was really just looking for some help with how to go about this conversation.
That’s what I was afraid of. I’ve done everything I could to be a good friend to her since it happened, but no matter what, anytime it flairs up and is painful she blames me for it. I’ve blamed myself for months over this.
It is internal but he can feel my face through the skin and he loves that. Tbh, idk why