You are the one who knows your gf best. Some women are really scared of saying no because of consequences. Maybe she felt pressured because of the situation, but I would ask to go through stuff and see if their conversation was like that for real or if she is hinting something
I mean it depends on every couple. My mom dad married at 20 – 22, they just celebrated their 30th anniversary, my cousin married her husband at 21 and they just celebrated their 15th anniversary and going strong, my aunt and uncle married at 18 – 19, they celebrated their 38th anniversary last year. My other cousin got married at 23, she had 7 beautiful years with her husband till he passed away and she has dated around but she told me, no one has loved her like her former husband and he was her lifetime kind of guy. I mean I have seen so many people marry young and live together forever. My grandparents also got married at 18 – 19 and celebrated their 55th anniversary. I got married at 27 (I am gonna turn 30 this year), my marriage is great too but it's not great coz I married late, it's great coz we have given each other freedom to grow. I have friends who have been together since 16 and got married last year or now at 28/29 but I still count their love from 16. So yeah they will change and grow as people, what's the most important thing is that they give each other freedom and love to grow. From all the successful marriages in my family, this is what I have learned.
It doesn't mean it for sure, and the standard that it affects a relationship is pretty unjust because it's gender biased. But this whole process of weeding out gender bias can sometimes lead to throwing the baby out with the bathwater I feel the problem isn't that it is a standard, it's that it ought to be the standard for both genders, and especially for men it needs to go beyond whether or not they can self-restrain themselves for the first date.
I have to argue it's the perfect test for self-restraint at the earliest point of a relationship. In the past this whole standard has been a lot about like religious morals. And I don't think a lot of those morals are actually even healthy. But sometimes unhealthy things tangle into something that could otherwise be healthy.
Self restraint is a powerful skill that you're going to want to hone. It's a powerful skill that a lot of men do not hone and then they tend to offer poor quality relationships so it really is a great thing for you to look at for potential partners.
I don't think there's anything wrong with sex in itself. I think that we should change society so that women can feel okay having casual sex. But I feel when it comes to dating we miss out on the perfect opportunity to have the earliest easy way to check for bare minimum self restraint, and we should change it to apply to men. And I think that you should use this to develop your own self-restraint because it's just a powerful skill that you want to develop better. And if you have the skill you can better tell when a partner doesn't. And right now our culture gives a lot bigger pass to men when really their self-restraint should be being checked early on in a relationship, because many women are constantly giving feedback about how a lot of the men that they date don't have self-restraint in many areas of a relationship.
Also if this actually ruins it, chances are the guys not worth dating. Most guys who are worth dating aren't going to consider it at this point in time to be a deal breaker. At this point I think that your test is whether or not it was a deal breaker. If he can't pass that, then dollars to donuts he's probably riddled with such unconscious gender bias that it's just going to be a relationship where you give more than he does, and he expects more than he gives.
2 reasons you are either so ugly that he is confident that even a homeless man won't touch you OR HE IS A TYPICAL 19 YEAR OLD WHO IS SELFISH AND STILL DOESN'T KNOW WHAT RESPONSABILITY IS AND HAS NO REAL THOUGHT PROCESS ASIDE FROM SEX AND FUN.
Can you isolate why you feel uncomfortable with the prospect that your bf may have had sex with a person you meet? What's your basic fear here? If you introspect about what's behind your feelings, it could help you develop coping mechanisms to cool down during these situations. (No, I feel no jealousy over my partner's past, and have made friends with some of his previous gfs & interests.)
you never consented to have sex with his brother,that´s rape, also i think it could get tricky if you use your brother in law´s sperm because he could become overly attached to the baby because it´s his, maybe you could try artificial insemination with an anonymous sperm donor, i know most reddit users will say divorce him, personally i couldn´t stand the idea of living and starting a family with a man that pimped me out to his brother, you are not a blow up doll, you are a person
Sorry don't know how to word this gonna sound horrible but I don't mean it that way. How long does your mum have left, is it possible to confront him after she has passed or would you be able to do it without mum knowing. It's a horrible situation you and your mum are in but it would be horrible to ruin the happy news. I'm so sorry you are going through this
I'm not planning on bringing it up to him or going near her again tbh
You are the one who knows your gf best. Some women are really scared of saying no because of consequences. Maybe she felt pressured because of the situation, but I would ask to go through stuff and see if their conversation was like that for real or if she is hinting something
I mean it depends on every couple. My mom dad married at 20 – 22, they just celebrated their 30th anniversary, my cousin married her husband at 21 and they just celebrated their 15th anniversary and going strong, my aunt and uncle married at 18 – 19, they celebrated their 38th anniversary last year. My other cousin got married at 23, she had 7 beautiful years with her husband till he passed away and she has dated around but she told me, no one has loved her like her former husband and he was her lifetime kind of guy. I mean I have seen so many people marry young and live together forever. My grandparents also got married at 18 – 19 and celebrated their 55th anniversary. I got married at 27 (I am gonna turn 30 this year), my marriage is great too but it's not great coz I married late, it's great coz we have given each other freedom to grow. I have friends who have been together since 16 and got married last year or now at 28/29 but I still count their love from 16. So yeah they will change and grow as people, what's the most important thing is that they give each other freedom and love to grow. From all the successful marriages in my family, this is what I have learned.
What the hell happened? Did your wife lie to your FIL about you during this episode? What kind of mental episode are we talking about?
wow. Just no. I'd have asked him “Oh? Do you need me to put some concealer on you? You do have some bags under those eyes.”
Your daughter is 25. She is still maturing
Bro. She is a grown ass woman with a fully developed brain. She is immature for her age
It doesn't mean it for sure, and the standard that it affects a relationship is pretty unjust because it's gender biased. But this whole process of weeding out gender bias can sometimes lead to throwing the baby out with the bathwater I feel the problem isn't that it is a standard, it's that it ought to be the standard for both genders, and especially for men it needs to go beyond whether or not they can self-restrain themselves for the first date.
I have to argue it's the perfect test for self-restraint at the earliest point of a relationship. In the past this whole standard has been a lot about like religious morals. And I don't think a lot of those morals are actually even healthy. But sometimes unhealthy things tangle into something that could otherwise be healthy.
Self restraint is a powerful skill that you're going to want to hone. It's a powerful skill that a lot of men do not hone and then they tend to offer poor quality relationships so it really is a great thing for you to look at for potential partners.
I don't think there's anything wrong with sex in itself. I think that we should change society so that women can feel okay having casual sex. But I feel when it comes to dating we miss out on the perfect opportunity to have the earliest easy way to check for bare minimum self restraint, and we should change it to apply to men. And I think that you should use this to develop your own self-restraint because it's just a powerful skill that you want to develop better. And if you have the skill you can better tell when a partner doesn't. And right now our culture gives a lot bigger pass to men when really their self-restraint should be being checked early on in a relationship, because many women are constantly giving feedback about how a lot of the men that they date don't have self-restraint in many areas of a relationship.
Also if this actually ruins it, chances are the guys not worth dating. Most guys who are worth dating aren't going to consider it at this point in time to be a deal breaker. At this point I think that your test is whether or not it was a deal breaker. If he can't pass that, then dollars to donuts he's probably riddled with such unconscious gender bias that it's just going to be a relationship where you give more than he does, and he expects more than he gives.
2 reasons you are either so ugly that he is confident that even a homeless man won't touch you OR HE IS A TYPICAL 19 YEAR OLD WHO IS SELFISH AND STILL DOESN'T KNOW WHAT RESPONSABILITY IS AND HAS NO REAL THOUGHT PROCESS ASIDE FROM SEX AND FUN.
Sorry to say that:
this is the totally wrong field for you in the future after you move out.
It makes you visible! Findable.
Can you isolate why you feel uncomfortable with the prospect that your bf may have had sex with a person you meet? What's your basic fear here? If you introspect about what's behind your feelings, it could help you develop coping mechanisms to cool down during these situations. (No, I feel no jealousy over my partner's past, and have made friends with some of his previous gfs & interests.)
you never consented to have sex with his brother,that´s rape, also i think it could get tricky if you use your brother in law´s sperm because he could become overly attached to the baby because it´s his, maybe you could try artificial insemination with an anonymous sperm donor, i know most reddit users will say divorce him, personally i couldn´t stand the idea of living and starting a family with a man that pimped me out to his brother, you are not a blow up doll, you are a person
Dad already opined that he wants to wait for a more favorable real estate climate. No, he's staying there indefinitely.
I mean you have been with him since you were 18. You simply do not enough of the world to be all doom and gloom
Sorry don't know how to word this gonna sound horrible but I don't mean it that way. How long does your mum have left, is it possible to confront him after she has passed or would you be able to do it without mum knowing. It's a horrible situation you and your mum are in but it would be horrible to ruin the happy news. I'm so sorry you are going through this