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butterflynine6nine8, 24 y.o.
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Date: January 18, 2023
I’m not sure I would call this assault, or even non-consensual. You are absolutely correct that consent can be revoked at ANY TIME, but she didn’t withdraw consent. They were having consensual sex by her own description , and he did something sexual that she didn’t like, and she didn’t indicate to him that she didn’t like it. She let it happen. Her partner may or may not have recognized that she didn’t like it, but in the absence of her saying so, we can’t make that assumption one way or another. Even if she had a shocked look on her face, he may have assumed this was some sort of role play and she was just playing along.
Yes, you’re right, people should be more attentive to their partners and check in with them more often to make sure everything is ok. But partners also need to learn to speak up when things cross boundaries into an area that’s not acceptable or enjoyable anymore.
One thing that happens a lot, unfortunately, is that a lot of men emulate what they see in porn, assuming their partner will enjoy it just like the woman in the porn seemed to enjoy it. (Choking is a really common example. So many guys will just start choking their partner or slapping them with no warning, because it’s so common in porn now, and they’re totally shocked and horrified when they discover their partner was upset by it, when it seems like such a standard sexual move, based on the stuff they spend all day jerking off to). If she doesn’t speak up and say otherwise, he will assume she enjoyed it and try it again, which would NOT be good for OP or any other woman this guy ends up fucking one day.
At the very least, OP NEEDS to discuss this with her partner, to explain to him what happened from her point of view. She needs to tell him it hurt, that it was unpleasant, that she absolutely never wants him to do it again. The way he responds to this conversation will tell her a lot about what he was thinking when he did what he did. Your suggestion for a safe word is a good one, and should be pretty much mandatory in any remotely non-vanilla sexual situation.
He always calls therapists “quacks” but is on medication.
Hell, he doesn't want me to see a therapist because “therapists always try to tell you how to online your life.” He keeps thinking every possible therapist will tell me to leave him.
Yeah, you should end it.
I feel for the kids, if they exist
I am very doubtful on that. 3 children by the age of 22/23? While possible, it's not probable. If it is true, then the started having babies while they were still teenagers, which may explain some of the inability to adult.
“Women my own age won't date me” this gives creepy vibes