Family pushback is a powerful destructive force that few relationships can withstand. It's a long game, for which I will give you strategy and tactics. But while they improve your odds, they don't guarantee success.
On defense, BF must be unshakably patient, polite and courteous in the face of the worst insults Dad (and anyone else who takes his side) can dish out. “I understand why you feel that way” is about the sharpest retort this game allows.
You're lucky Dad was so tactless. The attack usually does not use such offensive speech. Usually its microaggressions – sharp questions and edgy jokes, which you're supposed to think are just playful banter, while BF is supposed to recognize these insults for what they are, and lose his composure. Warn BF, and watch out for these sneak attacks, especially when other family members are present. When it's just Dad and BF, you can expect more of what you heard.
On offense, go to family members (and others) whose objections to BF are soft-to-nonexistent, and actively cultivate their goodwill. In your talks with them, do not go negative on Dad. In this game, sadness is allowed; frustration and anger gonna backfire. Dad is going to shop his contempt for your BF around anyway, so they'll know. And if you can starve Dad of the support he's counting on, it will take a lot of the starch out of his collar, and time will do the rest.
If he disowns you, keep this campaign going long afterward. If he cuts off contact, find an intermediary, someone Dad treats with respect, to exchange news and greetings, and filter out emotional content. Patience, OP, and Courage! Best wishes.
Disney trips, cruises and pets are not equivalent to bringing someone into your bedroom. Not even close.
Family pushback is a powerful destructive force that few relationships can withstand. It's a long game, for which I will give you strategy and tactics. But while they improve your odds, they don't guarantee success.
On defense, BF must be unshakably patient, polite and courteous in the face of the worst insults Dad (and anyone else who takes his side) can dish out. “I understand why you feel that way” is about the sharpest retort this game allows.
You're lucky Dad was so tactless. The attack usually does not use such offensive speech. Usually its microaggressions – sharp questions and edgy jokes, which you're supposed to think are just playful banter, while BF is supposed to recognize these insults for what they are, and lose his composure. Warn BF, and watch out for these sneak attacks, especially when other family members are present. When it's just Dad and BF, you can expect more of what you heard.
On offense, go to family members (and others) whose objections to BF are soft-to-nonexistent, and actively cultivate their goodwill. In your talks with them, do not go negative on Dad. In this game, sadness is allowed; frustration and anger gonna backfire. Dad is going to shop his contempt for your BF around anyway, so they'll know. And if you can starve Dad of the support he's counting on, it will take a lot of the starch out of his collar, and time will do the rest.
If he disowns you, keep this campaign going long afterward. If he cuts off contact, find an intermediary, someone Dad treats with respect, to exchange news and greetings, and filter out emotional content. Patience, OP, and Courage! Best wishes.
It sounds complicated op