I’m sorry but I understand his perspective. I personally couldn’t stand continually being questioned every time I go on a trip and have my partner insinuate I’m not being honest or have something to hide. I would feel disrespected and exhausted which can naturally lead to anger.
I understand you have trust issues and I’m sorry to hear that but not every partner is going to be able to reassure you with this on an ongoing basis. You guys don’t seem compatible in that regard.
Has he ever given you any reason to not trust him? If he did, then it’s understandable you need him to re-build that trust. If he didn’t, then you’re essentially expecting someone to constantly defend himself for no reason and pay for the consequences of the actions of your previous partner.
I’ve had this issue as well, talked to my bf about boundaries and when it happens he politely tells them to stop. I totally get feeling upset at the girl, I felt it too, but ultimately I think it’s best to just let your significant other set the boundary.
This is an unfortunate situation, it sounds like you really need to reflect and remove your child from the toxic environment. Respect is now out of the window and he has already moved on to dating other people. He’s likely telling those people that you are the baby mama from hell; figure out a plan and cut your losses.
Surely you see the difference? You can unknowingly have an STD. You don't unknowingly cheat.
If a partner said they were a virgin in all forms of sex, I wouldn't demand an STD test. Unless I didn't trust their word of course. When doing STD tests with an experienced partner, I wouldn't even demand to see the result, I'd assume they'd tell the truth. If I couldn't, I'd not have sex and certainly not marry them.
To most people, yeah 4 months is a long time. Way too long IMO especially at a young age, and without having a conversation about it. Have you tried to initiate or ask her if everything’s ok?
Thank you! What does separating look like with young kids? That's the one thing that has kept us together and now we're fighting for it. But I'm terrified of divorce, tbh. Does one person go to a different house for separation? I don't want to get to that point and our counselor says we're one of the healthier couples he's seen. But I don't think he's aware of my heart and mind. I'm afraid my husband took too long to see me. But also, I desperately want to rekindle our intimacy that we once shared.
You’re in your 30s and have plenty of time to start over. Regardless of your age or what you put into the relationship, there isn’t any way to move on. You said it yourself. You can and should start over.
I want to say this plainly: this man has proven that he can kill you. This stuff escalated and if you stay and nothing changes, it is most likely that he will kill you. He threatened you with a weapon over a simple request of being left alone. Whether he keeps his weapons or not, what’s stopping him from doing it when you get into a worse fight?
He doesn’t work. He’s an addict. He doesn’t seem to be actively working on his mental health. He’s abusive. What do you get out of this relationship exactly that you don’t want to throw away? 2 years of you holding everything down and nothing changed positively. Don’t fall prey to the sunken cost fallacy.
Do not marry him. Leave as soon as you safely can. Contact a women’s shelter for help and guidance. Get far away from this man and protect yourself. Then focus on getting therapy and building your life up again. You deserve to be safe, loved, and supported. Never has my husband ever exhibited any form of violence toward me when we have disagreements. We talk and come to an understanding. When we ask for space, it’s given. Your experience is so sad and abnormal. I’m sorry.
No, early on dating more than one person is not irresponsible. It has been common socially acceptable behavior for decades. C'mon.
If you want to date with immediate exclusivity you need to be telling people that. You are making a LOT of assumptions here & acting like the hurt party when it is just as much on you to be clear in your communication
Yes, you absolutely call her out on her bullshit and tell her you know she's fucking LYING because your Dad died on March 1st and her lie just made it obvious that you do not want to date her manipulative, crazy ass. Especially because you're going through the loss of a parent right now and she's clearly a fucking nut case.
It looks like you've got some really sound advice here from several people. I would focus on the comments which emphasize communicating with the bf and addressing what is still left over in your head.
What I really wanted to say though is, you want to name the people who are harassing you in your private messages? Share some screenshots or report them? We really ought to ban them back to 4chan or wherever the fuck.
Thank you for this, I appreciate your input though I believe I misspoke, let me clarify, I don't have an eating disorder or anything, and I don't eat to cope (usually the opposite honestly, i lose my appetite when i'm not feeling okay) It's just i'm finding it extremely difficult to be in a calorie deficit, so eating less than the normal amount I eat so that I can lost weight. I usually have two meals a day so it's not crazy, it's just due to the sedentary life we led during covid stuck at home, and the fact that I didn't change my diet then to cope with the fact we were basically forced to be potatoes for months, I gained weight. Does this make sense?
Yeah. I am child free by choice so always wanted to be real up front about that because if I got pregnant, I absolutely was going to abort. And while I know it’s ultimately my choice, I feel like that’s something to be aligned on with a partner so they can decide if they want to participate or not.
Now some men have taken that well and some have said some pretty nasty things to me. But hey, at least the trash took itself out.
It’s not like you royally screwed up here or anything. Just gotta rip off the bandaid.
Block her. Seriously this seems extreme, but it’s been 4 years it’s not worth the mental energy or the setback in your healing. It’s in the past you’re finally moving on don’t go backwards
You let your mom pass in peace, and then you just turn into Mr. Freeze er mrs.freeze. all warm emotion toward that cheater GONE. that's if you can think you can handle it. Otherwise, tell your mom and rip and tear.
Actions speak louder than words. If you cannot control this, let her go.
I’m sorry but I understand his perspective. I personally couldn’t stand continually being questioned every time I go on a trip and have my partner insinuate I’m not being honest or have something to hide. I would feel disrespected and exhausted which can naturally lead to anger.
I understand you have trust issues and I’m sorry to hear that but not every partner is going to be able to reassure you with this on an ongoing basis. You guys don’t seem compatible in that regard.
Has he ever given you any reason to not trust him? If he did, then it’s understandable you need him to re-build that trust. If he didn’t, then you’re essentially expecting someone to constantly defend himself for no reason and pay for the consequences of the actions of your previous partner.
I’ve had this issue as well, talked to my bf about boundaries and when it happens he politely tells them to stop. I totally get feeling upset at the girl, I felt it too, but ultimately I think it’s best to just let your significant other set the boundary.
This is an unfortunate situation, it sounds like you really need to reflect and remove your child from the toxic environment. Respect is now out of the window and he has already moved on to dating other people. He’s likely telling those people that you are the baby mama from hell; figure out a plan and cut your losses.
Surely you see the difference? You can unknowingly have an STD. You don't unknowingly cheat.
If a partner said they were a virgin in all forms of sex, I wouldn't demand an STD test. Unless I didn't trust their word of course. When doing STD tests with an experienced partner, I wouldn't even demand to see the result, I'd assume they'd tell the truth. If I couldn't, I'd not have sex and certainly not marry them.
To most people, yeah 4 months is a long time. Way too long IMO especially at a young age, and without having a conversation about it. Have you tried to initiate or ask her if everything’s ok?
Thank you! What does separating look like with young kids? That's the one thing that has kept us together and now we're fighting for it. But I'm terrified of divorce, tbh. Does one person go to a different house for separation? I don't want to get to that point and our counselor says we're one of the healthier couples he's seen. But I don't think he's aware of my heart and mind. I'm afraid my husband took too long to see me. But also, I desperately want to rekindle our intimacy that we once shared.
You’re in your 30s and have plenty of time to start over. Regardless of your age or what you put into the relationship, there isn’t any way to move on. You said it yourself. You can and should start over.
I want to say this plainly: this man has proven that he can kill you. This stuff escalated and if you stay and nothing changes, it is most likely that he will kill you. He threatened you with a weapon over a simple request of being left alone. Whether he keeps his weapons or not, what’s stopping him from doing it when you get into a worse fight?
He doesn’t work. He’s an addict. He doesn’t seem to be actively working on his mental health. He’s abusive. What do you get out of this relationship exactly that you don’t want to throw away? 2 years of you holding everything down and nothing changed positively. Don’t fall prey to the sunken cost fallacy.
Do not marry him. Leave as soon as you safely can. Contact a women’s shelter for help and guidance. Get far away from this man and protect yourself. Then focus on getting therapy and building your life up again. You deserve to be safe, loved, and supported. Never has my husband ever exhibited any form of violence toward me when we have disagreements. We talk and come to an understanding. When we ask for space, it’s given. Your experience is so sad and abnormal. I’m sorry.
“No glove, no love.”
Seriously. If he doesn't want to use a condom then no sex for him.
No, early on dating more than one person is not irresponsible. It has been common socially acceptable behavior for decades. C'mon.
If you want to date with immediate exclusivity you need to be telling people that. You are making a LOT of assumptions here & acting like the hurt party when it is just as much on you to be clear in your communication
Yes, you absolutely call her out on her bullshit and tell her you know she's fucking LYING because your Dad died on March 1st and her lie just made it obvious that you do not want to date her manipulative, crazy ass. Especially because you're going through the loss of a parent right now and she's clearly a fucking nut case.
This is the only thing that will snap her out of it
It looks like you've got some really sound advice here from several people. I would focus on the comments which emphasize communicating with the bf and addressing what is still left over in your head.
What I really wanted to say though is, you want to name the people who are harassing you in your private messages? Share some screenshots or report them? We really ought to ban them back to 4chan or wherever the fuck.
Thank you for this, I appreciate your input though I believe I misspoke, let me clarify, I don't have an eating disorder or anything, and I don't eat to cope (usually the opposite honestly, i lose my appetite when i'm not feeling okay) It's just i'm finding it extremely difficult to be in a calorie deficit, so eating less than the normal amount I eat so that I can lost weight. I usually have two meals a day so it's not crazy, it's just due to the sedentary life we led during covid stuck at home, and the fact that I didn't change my diet then to cope with the fact we were basically forced to be potatoes for months, I gained weight. Does this make sense?
Yeah. I am child free by choice so always wanted to be real up front about that because if I got pregnant, I absolutely was going to abort. And while I know it’s ultimately my choice, I feel like that’s something to be aligned on with a partner so they can decide if they want to participate or not.
Now some men have taken that well and some have said some pretty nasty things to me. But hey, at least the trash took itself out.
It’s not like you royally screwed up here or anything. Just gotta rip off the bandaid.
Block her. Seriously this seems extreme, but it’s been 4 years it’s not worth the mental energy or the setback in your healing. It’s in the past you’re finally moving on don’t go backwards
In a world where he wants to salvage things, what consequences do you envision?
You let your mom pass in peace, and then you just turn into Mr. Freeze er mrs.freeze. all warm emotion toward that cheater GONE. that's if you can think you can handle it. Otherwise, tell your mom and rip and tear.