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Bella, 27 y.o.
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Date: March 26, 2023
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Facts of we were 21 okay I guess that's normal nowadays but not at 35 lol agreed
You don’t get to tell her what she can and can’t wear. It’s controlling and not a good habit to start as you enter relationships. If you’re uncomfortable it’s your responsibility to go and work on those emotions, not her responsibility to alter the way she wants to live! for your insecurities. You’re young. Realise now at the start of your dating life that you don’t ‘let’ someone do something in a partnership – you don’t own her.
Don’t go to Japan with her. Someone that loves you would never let this continue to happen let alone not believe you.
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So to start, I know about going through phones and how it looks. But sometimes insecurity can get the best of you. Anyways, she has been texting a guy she met through some friends. Says they hit it off and talked for a while, just friendly stuff. This guy is in a polyamorous relationship, we are not. So a few days ago she texts him talking about how much of a connection she felt to him and it was reciprocated. Immediately that threw me off and raised a red flag. I confronted her about it and she says it’s strictly platonic, but it hasn’t been made clear that it’s platonic. IMO he is interested being that he reciprocated that connection with her, and is in a polyamory relationship. But my problem is that it hasn’t been made clear that it’s platonic on my wife’s end. I don’t know, the whole thing seems sketchy to me. I’m not sure what to think. I even told my wife, had that been me texting another woman that stuff about feeling a connection that she would have flipped out on me about it and she agreed. So I feel that I am right for this. And she says she will tell him it’s platonic whenever he texts her back. So yeah. I’m not sure.
What I’ve noticed (I’m 26f, bf is 25m) is compliments like you would give to a kid go a long way for us lolol. Like, if he’s doing the dishes I’ll go up smack his butt and tell him “you do those dishes so good baby” I def understand the exterior compliments, but telling her how funny she is after a good joke, how smart she is after she figured something you couldn’t out etc just little encouragements about her brain and personality sprinkled in. Ofc take this w a grain of salt, and tweak to how it will fit your relationship 🙂 best of luck to you, you’re a good dude !
Edit for typos
It's neither good or bad to cut off guys what is bad is lying about it. You are allowed to have them, he's allowed to have that boundary. A lack of affection, snapping and unwilling to listen to problems.