-She needs a transplant/organ donor/etc… not your problem.
Her emergency does nothing to give you urgency.
Ignore her if you want.
I'm a curious SOB, myself, so honestly I'd want to know is so important. But I wouldn't meet in person. If you do choose to hear her out, do it over a zoom call that you can quickly disengage from it. And by the way…
You can set terms too. No Brad. No mention of him of any kind. No sight of him. Neutral location if you choose to do it in person. You can demand she tell you what it is first before deciding if you're willing to meet.
Honestly if all she wants to do is apologize, I'd tell her don't bother.
I would say something like this:
“I don't remember my father since he died when I was so young. But I remember you when I was small, you were the only parent I had, you were the model I was supposed to look at for an example of what it was to be a good parent, a good person, for the future partner I would search for for myself one day. It sometimes felt like it was just you and me against the world… especially when people picked on me. You were the only real ally I was sure of… and for the longest time, I thought that was enough.”
“But that changed, not because I changed it, but because you did. As I got older, it became clear that I was less important to your life than what you wanted, and when I tried to renew that connection that I thought we always had, you shot me down. I might have forgiven all of that after you apologized. But when you brought over the source of my constant mental anguish, when you brought home the boy who tormented me, made me suffer, and stopped at nothing to shame me, humiliate me, and hurt me… and said, by word and deed, that he was the one you wanted for yourself… even though you knew what he had done? That was a betrayal I can neither forgive nor forget.”
“Maybe he grew up, maybe he changed, I neither know nor care if he has. The axe can apologize to the tree, but the tree is no less cut because of the apology, the scars he left on my memories of my younger years are not healed, they never will, not completely, because those memories are always there. And then to cap it all off, you would cast your son out of the house in order to make it his tormentor's home…
I have to ask, how in the world do you really think I would ever want to see you again? Speak to you again? How can you ever think we could have a relationship, how can you expect that I could ever trust you as a person, let alone as a parent, after you work to bring happiness to the person who worked to bring me misery? You made your priorities known, and I was not it when that should have mattered more than anything.
You have no son, now. There is nothing important in your life that will ever be important in mine. Pregnant, dying, homeless, poor, in debt… whatever you are, I no longer have reason to care, you made sure of that. You, and you alone, are the reason why your only child hates and despises you.
If you wanted to apologize… keep it. I already know you're sorry, whether you mean it the same way I do or not, and you will carry your monumental failure, your unending betrayal of your own blood, to your grave.
Never seek me out again, you are dead to me, and I do not have any interest in speaking with the dead.”
I think, like you maybe, I got it out of my system when I was younger (I'm 23F but was sexually active pretty young) and now I feel like I've done it and the only thing I'd be really interested in trying is some crazy stuff but it wouldn't keep me up at night
My partner on the other hand isn't as interested in sex as I am, so he hasn't had many encounters like that and is fine with that. I think everyone is different.
For me personally, I think you should maybe split with your girlfriend and experiment. There's plenty of people on dating sites looking for the same thing as you and you're obviously not ready to settle down. If you choose not to you won't be able to go back, and it's easier to do it now than it is later down the line.
I'm sure there will be another person further down the line that you will meet when you are ready to settle down.
Urgent for her is not urgent for you.
-Brad is dead/dying… not your problem.
-She's about to be homeless… not your problem.
-She's pregnant… not your problem.
-She's dying… not your problem.
-She needs a transplant/organ donor/etc… not your problem.
Her emergency does nothing to give you urgency.
Ignore her if you want.
I'm a curious SOB, myself, so honestly I'd want to know is so important. But I wouldn't meet in person. If you do choose to hear her out, do it over a zoom call that you can quickly disengage from it. And by the way…
You can set terms too. No Brad. No mention of him of any kind. No sight of him. Neutral location if you choose to do it in person. You can demand she tell you what it is first before deciding if you're willing to meet.
Honestly if all she wants to do is apologize, I'd tell her don't bother.
I would say something like this:
“I don't remember my father since he died when I was so young. But I remember you when I was small, you were the only parent I had, you were the model I was supposed to look at for an example of what it was to be a good parent, a good person, for the future partner I would search for for myself one day. It sometimes felt like it was just you and me against the world… especially when people picked on me. You were the only real ally I was sure of… and for the longest time, I thought that was enough.”
“But that changed, not because I changed it, but because you did. As I got older, it became clear that I was less important to your life than what you wanted, and when I tried to renew that connection that I thought we always had, you shot me down. I might have forgiven all of that after you apologized. But when you brought over the source of my constant mental anguish, when you brought home the boy who tormented me, made me suffer, and stopped at nothing to shame me, humiliate me, and hurt me… and said, by word and deed, that he was the one you wanted for yourself… even though you knew what he had done? That was a betrayal I can neither forgive nor forget.”
“Maybe he grew up, maybe he changed, I neither know nor care if he has. The axe can apologize to the tree, but the tree is no less cut because of the apology, the scars he left on my memories of my younger years are not healed, they never will, not completely, because those memories are always there. And then to cap it all off, you would cast your son out of the house in order to make it his tormentor's home…
I have to ask, how in the world do you really think I would ever want to see you again? Speak to you again? How can you ever think we could have a relationship, how can you expect that I could ever trust you as a person, let alone as a parent, after you work to bring happiness to the person who worked to bring me misery? You made your priorities known, and I was not it when that should have mattered more than anything.
You have no son, now. There is nothing important in your life that will ever be important in mine. Pregnant, dying, homeless, poor, in debt… whatever you are, I no longer have reason to care, you made sure of that. You, and you alone, are the reason why your only child hates and despises you.
If you wanted to apologize… keep it. I already know you're sorry, whether you mean it the same way I do or not, and you will carry your monumental failure, your unending betrayal of your own blood, to your grave.
Never seek me out again, you are dead to me, and I do not have any interest in speaking with the dead.”
Former son, OP name”
That's how I'd put it anyway.
Block me back
Wait, did he actually cheat or did he just say (like a scumbag) that he was attracted to her?
Yes lol this is the optimal ending for the audience, they love breakups
Leave, never date a hoe. Lesson learned the hard way.
She doesn't even want anything from him, as it sounds.
I think, like you maybe, I got it out of my system when I was younger (I'm 23F but was sexually active pretty young) and now I feel like I've done it and the only thing I'd be really interested in trying is some crazy stuff but it wouldn't keep me up at night
My partner on the other hand isn't as interested in sex as I am, so he hasn't had many encounters like that and is fine with that. I think everyone is different.
For me personally, I think you should maybe split with your girlfriend and experiment. There's plenty of people on dating sites looking for the same thing as you and you're obviously not ready to settle down. If you choose not to you won't be able to go back, and it's easier to do it now than it is later down the line.
I'm sure there will be another person further down the line that you will meet when you are ready to settle down.