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Akemi, 19 y.o.
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Date: April 17, 2023
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Don't do it. I could understand if she was elderly, ill, incapable due to a diagnosis like dementia or lost her physical ability to perform daily activities… but it sounds to me like the mom is depressed and possibly just being lazy. She needs therapy. Not a free ride.
You're going to end up paying for MIL things because she'll spend her money on unnecessary stuff and suddenly can't “pay her cell phone bill since money is so tight…I'm on a fixed income..my friend.needed help….” While all that may be true it will be used as an excuse to retire early and you will be her new cash cow.
It's okay to tell your fiance the answer is no. You will consider it when she is no longer capable. She currently is capable but chooses not to do anything about it. What was the plan when she hit 72? Let fiance know you will resent not having your honeymoon years because MIL will kill the mood entirely and when it comes to kids…
You're not going to be able to get your wife pregnant with MIL hanging around either. Or at least you're not going to enjoy it.
I can't imagine planning my life around when I can have sex with my mate because MIL is in the next room. I can see MIL helping AFTER a baby is born but you don't know her. She is a stranger to you and even if it is fiance's mother she is still a stranger. If your to consider her involved at all MIL needs to make the move herself and take the first step herself to introduce and get to know you. She hasn't even done that.
I'd suggest offering to pay for her therapy sessions for 3 months instead. Do not pay for her to get a place near you!
There are way too many reasons to not do this and you're not even married yet. MIL is responsible for herself and if she needs her daughter to fly over and help then your fiance should do that. All I see here is so much resentment that you'll have against your future wife if this happens before it's appropriate time.