Damn, it must be too much and I can’t even imagine the pain and loneliness you are facing. She left you for a no one, even if she replies back or comes back you shouldn’t be accepting that. I know you must be wanting that for now, but she isn’t worth it. In the end I will like to just wish you a very warm birthday and hope you get over this soon.
I have no judgment to give, and I’m very sorry this has happened to you. I won’t tell you to leave or stay with your wife, as it’s your decision and your life. However, please go to an AlAnon meeting or something similar. It is a great help to people with loved ones who have alcoholism, and it may help you find some peace or guidance.
Even if you take the cheating out of the equation, she found out at 5am that her husband had been assaulted and was in the hospital and her response to that was to drink and party for several more hours??
You said she has been binge drinking to cope with the loss of her pregnancy (so sorry to hear about that, by the way). Did she have a drinking problem before that? A heavy or binge drinker or getting smashed at times/events when others present just had a few cocktails?
I think if you were to even consider considering giving her another chance that you should stay separated for a minimum of 6 months. Give it some time for her to put her money where her mouth is, with no prompting and prodding from you. Does she follow through with regular counseling / therapy? Does she cut out drinking all together or tell you that a few here and there should be fine? Does she party or go to bars on weekends? Stay after her shift for a drink with co-workers? Again, you need to not say a word to her about what you want to see because how will you know if it's sincere? Force her to examine herself and her behaviors and come to her own conclusions about what she should do. That way, you're getting a clear picture of her judgment and how she applies it to her life. Does she keep her 2nd job at the bar, for instance?
She got so drunk she fucked another man in your house while you were coming home from the hospital. That's fucking deplorable man. She is currently very unsafe to be in a relationship with. Stay at your parents and see what she does with that space. Does she clamp down and get her shit together or party freely instead?
I saw a comedian have a great skit on mental health: she compared it to not being able to swim. But there are arm floats!!
Maybe you can’t swim but you can still go to the pool, if you wear your arm floats.
But if you are the one with problems—- you need to wear your floats! And if you don’t and then try to drown someone in the deep end- it’s still your fault.
Right now you are being pulled under by his problems. It’s so nude with depression to see beyond. Is there any other family or friends who might be able to shake him out of this? Share some of the load of supporting him?
that's a possibility but he has such a fear of cheating and has always been afraid that I'm gonna breakup with him, and ig it just seems crazy to me if that's whats happening, but it's not something I'll dismiss entirely because I know it can come from someone you least expect.
I'd be hard pressed to trust them with my money and shoot down any “investment opportunities” they bring up without a second thought, but that's where that ends. I wouldn't just assume they're an immediate threat to mine or my family's well-being. That's called being an asshole.
If people are communicating, then hopefully needs that aren’t being met can be worked upon in someway. Communication is the key. People cheat because their needs are being met. They don’t cheat just for the hell of it.
Are you a Vulcan?
Damn, it must be too much and I can’t even imagine the pain and loneliness you are facing. She left you for a no one, even if she replies back or comes back you shouldn’t be accepting that. I know you must be wanting that for now, but she isn’t worth it. In the end I will like to just wish you a very warm birthday and hope you get over this soon.
I have no judgment to give, and I’m very sorry this has happened to you. I won’t tell you to leave or stay with your wife, as it’s your decision and your life. However, please go to an AlAnon meeting or something similar. It is a great help to people with loved ones who have alcoholism, and it may help you find some peace or guidance.
Even if you take the cheating out of the equation, she found out at 5am that her husband had been assaulted and was in the hospital and her response to that was to drink and party for several more hours??
You said she has been binge drinking to cope with the loss of her pregnancy (so sorry to hear about that, by the way). Did she have a drinking problem before that? A heavy or binge drinker or getting smashed at times/events when others present just had a few cocktails?
I think if you were to even consider considering giving her another chance that you should stay separated for a minimum of 6 months. Give it some time for her to put her money where her mouth is, with no prompting and prodding from you. Does she follow through with regular counseling / therapy? Does she cut out drinking all together or tell you that a few here and there should be fine? Does she party or go to bars on weekends? Stay after her shift for a drink with co-workers? Again, you need to not say a word to her about what you want to see because how will you know if it's sincere? Force her to examine herself and her behaviors and come to her own conclusions about what she should do. That way, you're getting a clear picture of her judgment and how she applies it to her life. Does she keep her 2nd job at the bar, for instance?
She got so drunk she fucked another man in your house while you were coming home from the hospital. That's fucking deplorable man. She is currently very unsafe to be in a relationship with. Stay at your parents and see what she does with that space. Does she clamp down and get her shit together or party freely instead?
I saw a comedian have a great skit on mental health: she compared it to not being able to swim. But there are arm floats!!
Maybe you can’t swim but you can still go to the pool, if you wear your arm floats.
But if you are the one with problems—- you need to wear your floats! And if you don’t and then try to drown someone in the deep end- it’s still your fault.
Right now you are being pulled under by his problems. It’s so nude with depression to see beyond. Is there any other family or friends who might be able to shake him out of this? Share some of the load of supporting him?
that's a possibility but he has such a fear of cheating and has always been afraid that I'm gonna breakup with him, and ig it just seems crazy to me if that's whats happening, but it's not something I'll dismiss entirely because I know it can come from someone you least expect.
lol
I'd be hard pressed to trust them with my money and shoot down any “investment opportunities” they bring up without a second thought, but that's where that ends. I wouldn't just assume they're an immediate threat to mine or my family's well-being. That's called being an asshole.
Im sorry…i think you were played
The roommate did nothing wrong she heard something saw a stranger and she had a gun to defend herself.
Yes it was scary for op.
I hope op takes classes and learns how to use a gun for her home safety too.
Many of those doing home invasions are packing and shooting who is home.
Walking to her car at night if attacked..there is no superman to rescue you so you need to be able to defend yourself
If people are communicating, then hopefully needs that aren’t being met can be worked upon in someway. Communication is the key. People cheat because their needs are being met. They don’t cheat just for the hell of it.