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make me happy [998 tokens remaining]
Date: October 6, 2022
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The person blowing up her family is her. That said, ask her why first. What does she think she would get from this?
Whatever her answer, this is drama you don't want. Once in a while, people get shot out of these situations.
The thing here is that he's not wrong from a logical perspective. The problem is that this conversation needed to have happened up front. Maybe it even did.
But you're having it now, and it's reasonable to do so. There's just a difference between “thinking” about all of these things, and “wanting” these things. There's where I'm concerned for you. Because it seems like he's giving you nothing to work with.
Again, he's being logical. I can't emphasize that enough. But that doesn't change the fact that you're left in the same state of confusion. At what point will he want to live together? What will that take? As for finances, that's not going to happen until you live! together. Fights? You don't wait for fights. If they're not happening, that's a good thing.
So outside of the fights, it's ok for him to think about those things, but then to say he's not thinking about that right now means you're essentially being led on. You need to press the situation. You need real answers and not just these ambiguous ones that tell you nothing. Good luck.
You seem to forget that the worst thing in their relationship isn't what he said to her, it is the PHYSICAL abuse. If it was a reversed situation, of a wive threatening her violent husband to divorce and get the kid, no one would've been shocked. This fake reddit justice disgusts me.
You didn't. Tell her you thought about it and this makes you uncomfortable.
It's not a manipulation. She is asking you to for permission to do something she wants. It's only cheating if you don't agree to it (and I will say reddit and this sub has super fucked up perceptions on open relationships, so ask these sorts of questions here with a big grain of salt).
So, the question you have to ask yourself is would it bother you if she had sex with another woman without you. Would you feel jealous/upset? And if you felt that way, would you be able to get over it, or would it be a festering wound?
If you feel like it wouldn't be too emotionally taxing on you for her to hook-up with a woman, discuss working up to it slowly. Maybe she can go on a date with a woman where sex is off the table, but she can kiss her. So that way, afterwards you can evaluate how it made you feel. If that felt fine, she can move forward, but if it didn't, you know that any amount of openness wouldn't work for you.
Now, in the long run she'll probably want that experience. So, personally I think it's better to allow our partners the joy they want, then being the person responsible for limiting them.
And lastly, you can talk about future dynamics. Maybe if those goes well for her, she might get beyond being worried about her own jealousy and would be open to a threesome with you (you could even set ground rules on the threesome, like no PIV with the third), which might make her less jealous.
masturbating and sex is way different. sometimes i prefer to masturbate instead of sex and vice versa
But if you trust her then you trust she will knock any advances out of the ballpark. So wtf are you worried about? Like I said, everyone deserves freedom of friendship and trust (unless they're untrustworthy in which case you shouldn't be with them).
I think you are so close to the issue you can’t see how damaging it is to you and your son. It’s not enough though for him to be an excellent husband and father some of the time when other times he is emotionally unstable or manipulative. I’d encourage you read about passive aggression and the impact it has. I’ve commented elsewhere that I’ve lived with someone like this. It’s destabilising and you question yourself a lot, especially when they are being nice. I used to think ‘surely this isn’t enough to leave a marriage for?’ But it is.
“hey, I like to fuck other people when I am in relationships with people. You cool with that?” pretty easy to tell the truth. What isn't easy is you know most people will kick you to the curb when you say it…so go ahead and be honest.
I don’t know how to come to my partner about this without her immediately going to me wanting to leave her for someone else or just go and have sex with whoever because that’s not what it’s about at all.
whats it all about then? cuz yeah it is about that.
You're FWB, not in a relationship, so you don't really get a say. Sounds like you have some underlying feelings for him. Maybe that's something you need to discuss with him.