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Annie , ♥, 21 y.o.
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Date: October 7, 2022
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What is this word “friend” in relation to this garden implement sending you husband nudes?
Block her on your husbands phone & devices (having taken copies of all the texts etc), the send her the same text on all social media platforms saying
“I know about the nudes. Never try to contact me or my family again.
ANY attempt do do so and I will let every joint friend know and confirm so by posting what you have done to all social media platforms.
I won’t post your images, but reserve the right to forward censored images to anyone wanting confirmation if you deny it.
Then block her
Depends on how severe the insecurity is. Not down for providing constant reassurance, but occasional is ok.
I agree! My late husband got me an amethyst set in a band, because he knew l love purple and because l wore gloves at work- so the stone was set in so it won't tear rubber gloves. The fact that he put that much thought into it- l love it more than l can say. Diamonds only became engagement stones because of DeBeers anyway.
But you haven't married her.
That's absolutely amazing! My daughters bio father tried to insist I have a test for my daughter before she was born but the Dr's warned me it was risky especially paired with my medical problems and it was a nightmare. Glad others don't have to go through that
I’m struggling to see the point of choosing someone to share the rest of your life with, only to not spend the rest of your life with them. It sounds like he may well push coming back to the same country further and further away for one excuse or another.
Yeah. My biggest worry for SAHMs (or SAHDs though it's rarer) is that should they need to divorce, their lack of professional experience may stop them from divorcing. It'd be really bad if you can't afford to leave a bad situation.
Pffff
The ONLY thing you can do is give her time and space.
Look, mid-twenties is one of those “growth” ages for many of us. It tickles your soul and makes you pay attention to where you are vs where you thought you’d be. Something is unsettled in her, and she trusts you and has enough faith in the love you have for each other to ask you for room to grow.
Give her the room. She may stay if you say no, but you may ruin things if you do. She’s going to grow either way, don’t push her to grow away from you.
Luckily they are old enough tell them the facts don't hide or twist anything. Don't pressure or expect them to cut contact with wife, support whatever they chose to do. Couple of sessions of family therapy to make sure everyone is okay won't hurt. Failure of your relationship even if it was her fault doesn't change the fact she is mom to them.
Congratulations! You have fallen for the classic blunder – stalking and feeding off ex-drama. Time to block her completely, never stalk her social media again and move on with your life.
Wanna know what all of this means? It means nothing. If it truly meant something, you would be together and communicating openly. If it was meant to be, then you would be together. But it's not and y'all are childish AF.
Get a grip. Both of you are still being toxic and immature.
Girl is going to look like on of those suitcases on looney toons with the stickers all over if she commemorates every four month relationship with a matching tattoo.
You're 18, and you're only four months in. Getting a tattoo for her would be stupid. The fact she thinks you should would be a red flag for me with regard to her intelligence and maturity, though you don't get any points for lying about agreeing to shut her up.
If you like thongs, wear thongs.
Does no one else see the hypocrisy? She went searching for a sugar daddy and is shocked that the one she found has his ticker off on women's rights? And that SHE was in that type of site to begin with? Oh, what a shock It doesn't work like that.
I appreciate your bluntness. In my edit I shared some of the values I want to be upheld by my partner which is helping me monitor my faux pas bc of my autism. And he just kinda watched me burn.
I really hope Ebbie has commented. I’m worried for you, OP.
I think everyone else has this covered – it’s rape. Your husband rapes you over and over.
Consent must be FIRE: Freely given Informed Revocable Enthusiastic
Sleeping people can’t give consent
OP your bf is extremely controlling and twists your head when needed for him. He is not a support. He is one of the guys that look after other girls and is one of the guys that is gross to other girls, otherwise he wouldn't need to point that out.
He doesn't want you to draw attention because you are beautiful, but you aren't 100% you because he has decided you can't. Hence why he wrote what he wrote and what he said.
As someone with BD I suggest you find some help with professionals and dump this bf of yours because he is only increasing your issues more.
Ofc you want to dress after yourself. Find yourself again with clothes, makeup and even activities that feels like you. Time to cut out the weight in your life (the bf).
FineFun, this strong abandonment fear — as well as his anger issues — may be due to his having very weak control over his own emotions (i.e., a lack of emotional skills he had no opportunity to acquire in childhood). My exW has this problem. If that is an issue for your H, you likely have been seeing 3 other warning signs.
First, you would be seeing him rely heavily on black-white thinking, wherein he tends to categorize some people as “all good” (“with me”) or “all bad” (“against me”) and will recategorize them — in just a few seconds — from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction.
Because he also uses B-W thinking in judging HIMSELF, he would rarely acknowledge making a mistake or having a flaw. Doing so would imply, in his mind, he is “all bad.” He thus would blame nearly all misfortunes and mistakes on you and view himself as “The Victim.”
Further, to validate his “victim” status, he would keep a detailed mental list of every infraction/mistake you ever did (real or imagined) and would not hesitate to pull out the entire list to defend himself in the smallest, most insignificant disagreement with you. Moreover, this B-W thinking also would be evident in his frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like “you ALWAYS…” and “you NEVER….”
Second, you would not see him expressing his anger to casual friends, classmates, or total strangers. He usually gets along fine with them. Rather, his temper tantrums almost exclusively would be expressed against a close loved one (e.g., against you, his sibling, or his parents).
Third, you are convinced he truly loves you. But you often see him flipping, on a dime, between Jekyll (loving you) and Hyde (devaluing you), frequently making you feel like you're walking on eggshells around him. Such flips would occur in a few seconds in response to some minor thing you say or do.
FineFun, have you been seeing strong occurrences of these 3 red flags?
He's lying to you.