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Naughty_mom100, y.o.
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Online Live Sex Chat rooms Naughty_mom100
Date: October 8, 2022
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China….restrictions are a part of life. Covid or no covid. Do you really want to on-line in that country, when you have the choice to live! in any country?? Do you want to raise your future children in that country? You got to be kidding me….
Hello /u/ComprehensiveFix9228,
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There are several concepts here that you would do well to understand, accept, and act consciously with respect to:
(1) you will struggle to move forward without sharing the pain he caused you as fully and completely as possible
(2) anything you hold back will act as a barrier preventing the two of you from successfully rebuilding your marriage.
First, you need to resolve to tell him 100% of what you are feeling towards him, and why. You start by sitting down and writing him a letter that is as completely honest about your experience as you can be, and the resulting pain it caused you. I woukd imagine this would take you a number of pages. Detail every last painful detail that you can recall, build it, grow it, be self-indulgent, consider aspects of your pain that you may not even fully understand.
Does he understand that, if you weren't pregnant, the relationship would be over? This is basic, he had to understand that, and you need to repeat it until he truly feels the import of that fact. Does he understand how damaging it was to your relationship that he literally threw you out of your own home on the say-so of some faithless, lying adulterer trash? How humiliating and painful that was? How you were forced to move in with your parents because you had no place else to turn? Why should you believe this won't happen again? Yiu cannot hope to reco er if there is such i stability and disparity in your relationship that he can simply unhouse and disgrace you on whim. Has he yaken full responsibility for his behavior in front of people the two of you know? Has he apologized in front of them? He undoubtedly permanently damaged your relationships with shared friends who sided with him. Does he understand that you were the one who bore the brunt of the social rejection and stigma of his sccusations? That some people still harbor suspicions that you in fact cheated? Does he get that yes, he is right to beat himself up for his decision, that it came feom a place of cowardice and insecurity and fear, and that unless he addresses these shortcomings in his own emotional development, any relationship woukd be built on a flawed foundation, and would be similarly vulnerable in the future? Does he understand that you do not know whether you can ever forgive him, and that it may well be the case that the only path forward would be to rebuild the relationship? That what he did was such an essential breach of trust that it is impossible to return to the way things once were? That you do not love him/respect him/trust him the same way you once did? That you do not know if those things are fixable? That you do not know whether he is enough of a man to make the effort necessary to do the work to try to repair the relationship? Think along these lines.
Understand that if you feel you cannot tell him the entire truth of what he has done, you will carry that resentment with you into the rebuilding of the relationship, and it will limely make you persistently unhappy. You have to share anything you feel resentful for, and you need to feel free to be a bit self-indulgent. Better to go too far than not far enough.
Third, ask him to meet with you to discuss your relationship on Saturday night. Make it a time when the two of you will be home. Make plans to do something with your day that does not involve him. Give him or leave him the letter. Ideally, leave your phone at home, or with a friend. Tell him you will not have your phone on you that day, as you want to think about whether or not there is a path to rebuilding a relationship.
Fourth, when you show up, ask him if he has anything to say in response to what you wrote him. If he is defensive, you explain that being defensive is him protecting himself from accepting responsibility for his own behavior, and that you need him to genuinely understand not just that what he did was wrong, but the profound impact what he did had on your life. He destroyed your marriage on the word of another woman. You are prepared to try ro rebuild the relationship, but it will not be possible unless he takes meaningful responsibility for his behavior. This is not a situation where apologizing will suffice, there is no guarantee that this is actually fixable, and him expecting a shortcut back to where the two of you started is self-serving and unreasonable.
You may have to repeat all of the things you come up with to him in the future. You have to talk about these things until the resentment breaks down and you believe he understands what he did. If he cries, you do not need to reassure him.
This is a tried and true process for finding forgiveness. If you need to sit down with him for 500 Saturday evenings to get to the place where you can let go of the resentment, then that's what it will require. Remember: you are not responsible for the pain he caused you, and you have no responsibility to get over what he did to you on any specific timeline. Tell him that you frankly cannot believe you would even give him another chance, but for the sake of your child you will try if he will meet you halfway. But that his participation in the process is necessary for it to have any hope of success, and if it sounds like too nuch work, it is better to end things now amd to divorce, rather than have your child grow up in an angry, loveless home.
This is basically an approach that almost always works to shed resentment. You would do some version of this in couples therapy, and if you cannot bring yourself to be this honest, you should definitely go to couples therapy bc they will guide you through a version of doing what I just outlined. YOU CANNOT EVER FORGIVE HIM IF YOU DO NOT SHARE THE PAIN HE CAUSED YOU IN A WAY THAT HE TRULY UNDERSTANDS.
Remember, te difficult conversations people tend to avoid are the glue that holds relationships together in the long run. Do your best to tell him everything, and you will give yourself your best chance of reconciling. If you don't, you are only sabotaging yourself and wasting your time.
You can try r/survivinginfidelity if you want. They say it takes a couple years for a couple to start healing from infidelity… but not sure how long it takes to heal from being accused while your partner goes and sleeps with other people before the divorce is even finalized.
Your husband is a 44 year old man-baby looking for another mommy. This man PREYED on a young girl half his age, conned her into falling for him, parenting the child he already had, taking care of everything in the house while he sits on his ass, getting her pregnant, and STILL not helping out and THEN has the unmitigated gall to blame you for not knowing he wanted sex?!
Are you kidding me?
Girl, leave.
I know. I feel like I’m fighting with a teenager constantly and never understand how he can expect me not to get frustrated.
Speaking as a man, it’s not sexism. Men are fucking disgusting. How are you going to read this comment and your first thought is to cry sexism when we are literally the ones harassing this woman who came here for relationship advice? Men like you are why women generalize men.
I'm confused. You were on FaceTime with your girlfriend, and you fell asleep and started sleep-talking? Or you were on FaceTime with someone else when this happened, and your girlfriend overhead this?
Did no one involved here see you fall asleep? Were you upright in your chair? You were awake at one point, then you were asleep, and no one noticed any difference in your demeanor?
I don't understand.
I think everything is pretty obvious. If he valued you he would tell them “do not make me chose because you will lose.” I wouldn't put up with this bs.
Omggg you’re a huge AH. If Lucy stays with you you’re lucky because I would never allow my bf to be that close to anyone idc who it is. Kate seems to be developing feelings.