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Julie https://fansly.com/oh_julie , ?, 30 y.o.
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Date: October 8, 2022
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It sounds like you and your boyfriend have a lot of issues to work through, both in the bedroom and in your relationship with his best friend. It's important to communicate openly and honestly with each other in order to address these issues and find solutions that work for both of you. In terms of the bedroom issue, it may be helpful for your boyfriend to take a break from pornography in order to reset his expectations and focus on your relationship. As for the problem with his best friend, it's important for your boyfriend to consider the impact of his actions on your relationship and respect your boundaries and privacy. With effort and communication, you can overcome these challenges and strengthen your relationship.
But they don't lie to the woman and trick her in to raising someone else's child.
Of course. I was more commenting on how strangely the whole post seems to be written. Usually if there are accusations of cheating on here the poster right away goes over the top claiming innocence and that they’ve never done anything wrong. I don’t actually see anything in the admittedly vague post denying a single accusation or anything. It seems almost to be spun as “his attitude is so hurtful” without addressing the question of whether he is right first. I think the accuracy of his accusations goes a long way toward whether his reaction is or isn’t reasonable.
Ok
You could discuss your concerns with him too!
You could say you want to discuss with him just your concern that she maybe crossing some ethical boundaries
Its called transference or cross/countertransference in therapy where a client or therapist starts to cross professional boundary territory.
Her extending her sessions just for him is uncommon (from my perspective as someonr whose gotten therapy for years, a couple minutes js understandable but not an hour or so over!) And if she has secretaries/clerical staff then they would be sending out the appointment reminders, not her.
Also is rhis her PERSONAL cellphone or a WORK one?
Iirc, when I was in college in a mentla health related field, they say NOT to do what she did witj the whole “text me in an emergency”. That is BAD practice. He should have been told to call an EMERGENCY line or CRISIS line in an emergency. This is hazardous to her clients safety and increases her risk of burn out by not giving herself a break.
You could even discuss qll these things you said here witb your own therapist and what I mentioned and I bet your therapist would also agree it sounds unethical (maybe even do this with your therapist to think of a reponse)
And when you go at it worh your husband dont do it necessarily as “she has a crush on you” but “she is acting in unethical ways rhat could affect your therapy” and tie in her behavior qbout mentioning divorce/wanting to be couples counselor wirh (presumably) never bringing it up (and tell him if he did, that you wont be upset and that you two would need to find one that doesnt have a bias for either of you being their 'original' client) on top of her behavior with the phone # and appointment emojis, could mean she has an inappropriate liking towards him that could influence her helping him (ie wants him single). Maybe also look up proper boundaries clients and therapists should have?
But run this over wirh your therapist first! Also maybe bring up info on tranference/look it yp with your husband so he knows its a real thing.
Right now he is vulnerable with her snd opening up to her in a (supposedly) safe space. She could end up using this to manipulate him against you because she is “the professional” and “knows best”. She has power over him evem though it doesnt seem like it.
Your therapist might be able to know what to do if they think this person crosses enough boundaries to be potentially reported if she has a liscense under a board.
I will tell you that if you do this with your husband (ie tell him your concern) tell him to be mindful if she tries to twist it (the concern with her behavior) against you rather than apologize and re-enstate new boundaries/respects the new boundaries or helps search for a replacement therapist (which is recommended if transference is there iirc)
Please be understanding if you4 husband is bitter or reluctant or untrusting of seeking out help again in the future, especially since you still have therapy and you were 'the one' who 'stopped' his therapy (but it woildnt be your fault!)
Good luck!
I’d define it as cheating if my partner did this, yes.
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Definitely divorce him.
Its pretty obvious why the ex left him (of course he will tell you otherwise).
I'm stuck at why she got so upset that you walked outside without your phone. Why was that the final point where she drew the line? I walk outside all the time without my phone. I get your sister asked you to leave your phone inside, but that is still something weird to get so upset over.
I would understand if the final straw had been over money.
Really sad honestly
Not true it can cause mild hallucinations.
Consent can be conditional. You made it clear that you wanted him to use protection, and he didn't.
To me, he crossed a large enough boundary that your consent to have sex wasn't there, or even being generous was dubious.
In a lot of the world, that would legally be considered rape and you need to stress that to him, especially if you intend to stay.
This sub likes to tell everyone to dump their partners over absolutely nothing, but in this instance you seriously want to consider it. A partner that won't even respect your conditions when it comes to sexual consent is one you'd be better off without.
What tipped me off was that the son was on his car insurance, and I don't know of anyone under 2 years old with a driver's license.
Imo you don't approach him. You bounce out of there. That he escalated the roughness without discussing it with you and right after an argument speaks volumes.
Oh I see. Sorry I misinterpreted it as kind of double/blind date. Good luck separating yourself from her.
OP after reading the post and some of your comments personally I’d show him this post and everyone ripping into him in the comments. You’ve told him it’s an issue and he hasn’t done anything. Show him everyone freaking out on him and telling you to break up with him… and then break up with him.
Thanks for sharing. What do you consider a “blind date”? Someone you haven’t chatted much with?
Tbh, him breaking up with you sounds like a win, for you!
I never bashed him about the abortion. I said it sucks for everyone, and it’s a no win situation.
It’s just a fact that he’s lacking in emotional intelligence and communication skills. He literally said he won’t talk to her. He’s not ready to be a father, and she’s not ready to be a mom. This is a painful situation.
The author voices on both feel incredibly similar
If you are “really financially successful” and you waste your time asking for reddit advice, I don't believe you.
People I interact with who are “really financially successful” are so because they have networks of people around them, from the good neighborhood and good school they are from, the good job they got from it, and good network of doctors lawyers financial advisors and successful business owners all their cohorts became too. They don't need reddit for advice. When their spouses cheat, they go to every divorce shark lawyer in town and put them on retainer. Why? So the cheating spouse can't use them.
Lawyer. You take the evidence and you go to a lawyer. Then you are covered. That's the advice anyone would give for this scenario. If someone is in breach of a contract, you make sure you can leverage it. It doesn't mean divorce. It means being ready.
Then, couple counselling. The best you can get. And you work that shit out.
The best solution to your problem money can buy. FFS.
Umm you should have broken up with her a long time ago.
I know this is a troll post bc no 44 year old man would EVER do something shady to his 23 y/o gf
I want to believe so strongly that everything he said is genuine and he really loves me. I want to believe that he really is sorry and regretful of everything he did to me. But the fact he slept with others hurt because that's not what a lovesick person will ever do. In a way, I feel manipulate.
The fact that they’ve been fighting for two days and are not speaking may also be a sign of incompatibility.
Btw him being financially responsible and most of the other things you stated (besides the culture and ethics) have nothing to do with compatibility. I think you meant to say “ do they have similar views and expectations of finances ect…”
Fj be j
I have with the car. Our state is a 50/50 custody the cops said so they would t consider it stolen. But its my name on title and registration
I feel like you're purposefully leaving out pertinent information. The dad sending a letter to ask you to come over doesn't make him domineering at all. When your wife comes home to ask for things have this discussion with her and tell her how you feel. If she doesn't give a shit then yeah dude obviously divorce someone who doesn't want to be around you.
why would you break up with you? what’s the problem?
He is spewing A LOT of random bullshit.
Unfortunately, you don't love him you love the idea of him.
Actual him is a toxic mess of shit that you scrape off the bottom of your shoe.
I get it. Parts of him seemed really good and healthy at first.
Then his mask slipped off.
Many awful people can keep a mask on for a couple of months. His started slipping pretty early.
You are a kind and trusting person, so you gave him the benefit of the doubt a few times.
Remove the benefit of doubt and reread your account of him.
When I married my husband he didn't know what 'my number' is and much about past relationships. We've been married for more than 10 years and he still doesn't know my number, and I don't know his.
This is because we are mature adults that understand that what happened BEFORE us just shaped who we were and added to our complexities and personalities.
And… why the hell did he tell HIS FRIENDS about you?!?! That is creepy as fuck.
It's time you took off the rose coloured glasses and looked at this ass for the crap he is.
I’m a little unsure why women be caught up on marriage. All you do is commit yourself to a man and take over where his mom left off. Not everyone wants to be married as well. Get over yourself
This is old, right? I swear I read this last year, when COVID was actually peaking in India. Even my very cautious friends are currently in India with their kids.