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Just to clarify, my family, apart from my dad, doesn’t want to have my boyfriend over for Christmas. My dad is very supportive of having him over but he’s in the minority.
Ever since I brought my boyfriend over to meet my family, my siblings (32F) (37M) have been super shitty to him and have campaigned with my mom to exclude him from family events. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years. He hasn’t been over for Easter and thanksgiving and I stayed home this year for Thanksgiving because my mom said he was not invited. Last year, he wasn’t invited for Christmas either and when I went alone, he was very hurt by it. It caused some division between us for a short while afterwards. My father, however, was very disappointed that my mom and siblings couldn’t accept the fact that our family was growing, and that it would inevitably grow. I can’t explain why my siblings don’t like my boyfriend. He is such a friendly person who has never said or done anything wrong to them. My brother has never been in a relationship or lived away from home and so I feel that he has some kind of weird attachment to my family and its traditions.
This past Thanksgiving, my mom said that even though my boyfriend wasn’t invited ( my sister’s boyfriend was), she promised that Christmas would be different, and I would be able to have him over, so I invited him. Yesterday, over a phone call, I was checking in to make sure he was coming home with me, and she adamantly told me no. I reminded her that she promised that he could come for Christmas and, on the verge of tears, she kept saying no and that it would make my brother and sister upset. I told her that I wouldn’t be coming home and she proceeded to yell at me over how I’d be ruining Christmas for everyone if I didn’t show up.
I’m in such a difficult situation. If I go to my family for Christmas without my boyfriend it would likely ruin our relationship, because he was so hurt last year and he wouldn’t feel included by my family. I would also have to uninvite him, which is extremely uncouth and frankly unloving. But if I stay with him for Christmas, it would conversely ruin my relationship with my family. As far as I know, an invitation was extended to my sister’s boyfriend but not mine. I don’t understand why my mom and siblings can’t accept my boyfriend as part of the family.
I don’t know how to negotiate with my mom to allow my boyfriend to come home with me. I spoke to my dad last night as well and he said it’s up to me to change her mind, and I don’t know how to do that because she’s such an obstinate lady. My brother and sister are unwaveringly immature about it. Does anyone have advice on how I can convince her to allow him to come?