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AndreaKiss Public Chat Channel
Date: October 9, 2022
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IDK what to tell you about the issue you posted. But, I do STRONGLY encourage you to take some time out for yourself. It seems like your husband is getting his time to hang out with adults socially (2 times a month with friends in addition to this “bachelor party”) and you aren’t.
While I really do get why you don’t want him to go for 5 days, you seem to be a tad bit resentful that he has a social life outside of fatherhood and it doesn’t seem like you do.
You should make some plans and stick to them. INFORM, not ask, your husband that you’ll be out for a few hours and leave. You can just got get a cup of coffee and read a book at the Barnes and Noble, take a walk in the park or go to the gym or golf range or whatever, meet some friends for dinner or happy hour, go to the movies, etc.
If COVID is a concern considering you’ve got small kids, solo or one on one hangouts might be the move.
Thank you, sorry I wanted to make sure I didn’t misunderstand you. I’ve asked myself the same question today. I’d been dumped by an ex years ago that I was very into. But then I met a nice guy, who looked a bit like him, and I did find myself comparing the two for sure, but it didn’t stop me from pursuing the new nice guy. Not sure if that’s because I was the one dumped or what. I guess part of me is hoping he’s more interested in me than he realized and does want to continue at a slower pace. But that is very good advice, I need to carry on and let it play out how it does. Thank you
It’s not love if it was only talking for a couple of weeks without meeting in person; it’s infatuation. Believe people when they tell you about themselves: he has said that it won’t work between you two.
If you can’t just be friends with him, then tell him that you can’t, and move on to better things.
I just did a training this summer about neurodivergence from a late identified autistic speech language pathologist. She brought up the studies about people detecting neurodivergence. There was a piece about how teenagers accurately identified other students as being “ odd “ or “ different “ despite the neurodivergent students receiving years of social skill help. It’s why it’s important that neurotyoical people learn communication styles of neurodivergent people so both can work together. Studies like that are helping us to change our practices in speech – language therapy so that we can truly support people with their individual needs ( if they have them and choose to ask for services ).
This is IMO the best advice, not everyone is skilled at grey rocking, and it's perfectly acceptable to make it clear that while you love and support her, you can not abide their presence.
Who knows, maybe your boundary will help her realize she is also able to refuse attendance. My firm boundaries with my own parental abusers have helped my spouse see that he doesn't have to bend over backward to accommodate his own. While he still is in LC and VVLC with his, it has helped him find some footing with what he does and doesn't want to tolerate.