So you're one year older than your wife and this guy is 18 years older than the person he's been sleeping with. Let's see, 18 years ago she was 3 and he was 21. When he met her she was likely just a minor and he was almost 30.
If you think there's no possibility that he took advantage of a teen crush you're painfully naive.
Abusive relationships usually start out like wonderful dreams, and then you wake up, their true colors come out when you’re in the habit of looking the other way when things seem off. Your brain cannot process this and there’s a lot of unresolved feelings you can’t talk to them about and if you do, it’s likely to bring up more issues.
First, you’re not going to get over it. Trauma like this stays with you, so getting over it and moving on shouldn’t be the goal. The goal instead should be learning to live! with the pain and manage it.
Trauma sucks, but we ruminate because this is how we spot patterns to avoid the pain in the future. A lot of abuse victims keep being drawn to the same type of person, and I think it’s in part because we put so much importance on getting over it and moving forward that we don’t actually process what happened.
So don’t feel bad. Allow yourself to ruminate and be unable to date for a bit. I would focus on what you don’t need them to process, namely how you felt. How their actions hurt you. And just learn to manage carrying that pain and date again when you’re ready. When you do the work, it’ll be easier to avoid those traps and be emotionally available for another partner.
If I were you, I would start by talking to one of the 3 people (whoever might be the “bossiest”) that are trying to make this a thing and “confide” in her by telling her that this situation is getting out of hand and it really needs to stop before someone gets hurt. You don't need to give too many details but just say that. If you get pressed to say more, you can say you've got your own situation that you're dealing with and getting involved with someone you just started working with is a bad idea. Or say that you have a policy that you don't date coworkers because it always ends badly.
If you can’t tell the new guy the whole truth about the pen pal, then yes, it’s wrong to keep the friendship. Either be honest or make a choice.
So you're one year older than your wife and this guy is 18 years older than the person he's been sleeping with. Let's see, 18 years ago she was 3 and he was 21. When he met her she was likely just a minor and he was almost 30.
If you think there's no possibility that he took advantage of a teen crush you're painfully naive.
Abuse does this. This is normal.
Abusive relationships usually start out like wonderful dreams, and then you wake up, their true colors come out when you’re in the habit of looking the other way when things seem off. Your brain cannot process this and there’s a lot of unresolved feelings you can’t talk to them about and if you do, it’s likely to bring up more issues.
First, you’re not going to get over it. Trauma like this stays with you, so getting over it and moving on shouldn’t be the goal. The goal instead should be learning to live! with the pain and manage it.
Trauma sucks, but we ruminate because this is how we spot patterns to avoid the pain in the future. A lot of abuse victims keep being drawn to the same type of person, and I think it’s in part because we put so much importance on getting over it and moving forward that we don’t actually process what happened.
So don’t feel bad. Allow yourself to ruminate and be unable to date for a bit. I would focus on what you don’t need them to process, namely how you felt. How their actions hurt you. And just learn to manage carrying that pain and date again when you’re ready. When you do the work, it’ll be easier to avoid those traps and be emotionally available for another partner.
If I were you, I would start by talking to one of the 3 people (whoever might be the “bossiest”) that are trying to make this a thing and “confide” in her by telling her that this situation is getting out of hand and it really needs to stop before someone gets hurt. You don't need to give too many details but just say that. If you get pressed to say more, you can say you've got your own situation that you're dealing with and getting involved with someone you just started working with is a bad idea. Or say that you have a policy that you don't date coworkers because it always ends badly.
Lmao. Yes I’ve only been married once and had one wedding.
Girl, STAND UP