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CumCouple, 33 y.o.
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Date: October 11, 2022
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So, if you don’t see it coming back, what are you actually dumping your energy into?
Make him your EX boyfriend. Call his local Sheriff/police non emergency number and ask them to perform a welfare check.
For the stonewalling, you’ll find specific suggestions on how to approach it, so it’s not like she can say “I don’t know how to change” as it will be outlines for you. So she’ll either be willing to try it or not. As for the bad girlfriend thing, two points, one if she’s hurt, you can say sorry, not to mean you did something wrong but to show you feel bad that she’s hurt. Sorry can mean you feel bad for them hurting, it doesn’t always mean you did something wrong. And often people simply want to know you care that they’re hurting so a sorry in that context could have helped. And if she doesn’t feel like you care about her hurt, saying she’s a bad girlfriend is a way to try to get you to show you care that she’s hurt. So she could do that to try to elicit empathy from you if you don’t yet empathize with why she’s hurt.
All that said though, what you describe about why she’s upset, it sounds like she wanted you to go and when you didn’t she got mad at you, rather than negotiate with you. So she just doesn’t sound like she’s good at resolving conflict in a healthy way. Google conflict resolution skills to get a better sense of how healthy conflict should look like. Or as a general overview, when in conflict, each person’s feelings should be treated as just as important, not more than, not less than, but just as important. So one side shares their perspective, receives validation, then the other side shares and gets the same. After that, solutions that work for both are explored and then implemented. You want a partner and want to be a partner that looks for win/win solutions, not one who looks to win at the others expense.
How do you not see what all of us are just from reading this?