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My name is Ann, 18 y.o.
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Date: October 11, 2022
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Ewww. He left his number on the bill. Gross. This dude is a creepy predator. Date people your own age.
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People can forget things. Just because you are sentimental doesn’t mean he can’t forget it and suddenly realize it’s gone.
OP, age gap aside, a primary justification for living with an SO (before marrying) is as a trial compatibility run pre-marriage. Frankly, it sounds like you do not feel like you are compatible going forward. This doesn't make you an awful person. Sounds like it is just time to move on (or at least take a step back in the relationship).
And you are almost certainly correct that your BF is NOT going to take it well. How intertwined are you financially? I would sort that out immediately to avoid his retaliating in that manner.
It feels like you want this marriage to work, you are putting in the work to fix it, but you are doing this by yourself. It also seems like he doesn't want to be the bad guy and admit it and therefore the onus is on you to leave likely so he can blame you for it. By design or not he is not putting in any effort into your marriage.
I wonder if he would upset/disappoint his family and friends if he chose to leave? what is stopping him?
What is stopping you going back to somewhere you loved and enjoyed being and follow your dreams? Who would you be disappointing in leaving your marriage. There doesn't have to be a big reason honestly. Your values are different is all it can be. No fault and no blame. (of course he is the one that cheated but he is avoiding accepting his fault and I guess you cannot make him admit it).
Look into reasons for divorce in UT, consult a lawyer or two about how to split amicably. Discuss in a rational way with him that you feel your needs and his are different and you felt much happier down south and miss your friends there. Life doesn't have to be about big arguments and loud breakups, there are small ones and quiet ones as well.
Even if he does paint you the bad guy, so what, you get to live where no one cares about that, where you can be happy and free and enjoy life rather than be miserable living with him in a place that doesn't hold any joy for you.
I agree that op needs to stop lying, that is step one. Even aside from an addiction, just out of respect for their partner. Lying is never acceptable in a relationship. Period.
And yes I agree with the dopamine issue, however in my again anecdotal experience, it works better to stop the addictive substance and find alternatives rather than continue using. Other things that give that dopamine, a hobby, or even medicine like an ssri. If you were addicted to gambling they wouldn't suggest weaning off of it. Because you're an addict and can't control it.
For my husband, he quit and found healthy coping mechanisms with the help of his therapist. He also started an antidepressant. Rather than weaning, since he knew he couldn't control himself and that I would no longer tolerate his deep addiction.
Oh ew. Gross argument. She told him before they had sex. He had the choice not to go ahead. She told him a condition of her consent was that he pull out before sex and he agreed. Then she had no choice because he didn’t do what he agreed. False equivalence and not the coup you clearly think it is.
Do you really wanna waste your precious 30s on someone who might decide you’re not enough for him once he has you trapped?
He works in solar, I forgot the position. he does really well for himself but he does work really very hot
Yeah ofc in that moment it felt this way, in reality it wasnt. Thanks
Oh, no doubt. I just wanted OP to answer.