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Date: October 17, 2022
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Was the spot she picked out expensive?
It’s EXCEEDINGLY bad manners to volunteer someone else’s wallet for an event that you are nominally the one hosting. You may be the one driving, but really, you’re the one being taken for a ride.
Do not be surprised if when you go to pick her up, there are friends or family she wants to bring along and have you pay for. Yes, this happens. If it happens to you, let them off at the door, tell them you’re parking the car, and leave.
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she is an amazing girlfriend and person
Interesting. Still no one mention of your love for your GF.
Yes. It really does have to do with her. She is part of the equation.
You wrote two contradictions:
“Sex life is great” : Isn't “doesn’t like to so some things that I had grown used to”.
“admittedly she is not a “sexual” person”: Isn't “But she would love to have sex 5 times a day” That's a sexual person.
So why have you kept this going for 1.5 years with all these doubts? Is your plan to be forever single? How many would you need to sleep with to get what you may already have?
Obviously you respect her choice, as you said. But also, you have a choice. Namely, it’s up to you whether this is a deal breaker for the relationship. We can’t decide that for you, but I’ll share what’s worked for me.
I grew up with the expectation that I should wait for marriage. My parents did. But after a lot of reflection, I decided that I am so thorough in researching/testing anything before I commit to it, from new jeans to cars to housing. Why would the most important commitment of my life be something I approach with less thoroughness than those things?!
So I decided it was important to me to experience sex before marriage. And I’m glad I did. It helped me discover what I like and need, and what I don’t. It helped me become more independent and assertive. It’s also important to get to know that side of your partner before you commit to them for life. And if you’re the type to get fomo, you can reduce that risk by having sex with a few partners before settling down. You wouldn’t want those doubts to creep in later!
Now that I’m in my mid-thirties, having been with several sexual partners, I’m happily engaged and excited to commit to this man for life. No reservations whatsoever, because I know exactly who he is in many contexts, including in bed. So that’s worked great for me!
You’ll have to find what feels right for you. I hope you’ll take the time to think, talk, journal, etc. about this and figure out what you need. Be honest with yourself so you can be honest with your girlfriend, and any other partners you may have.
It’s also OK if your opinion changes over time. This is a period in your life when you’ll experience a lot and change a lot. Just keep checking in with yourself about it, and keep in mind that there are many ways to be. You just have to do what’s best for you!
I would also tell your children the truth, they need to know the truth. If nothing else tell them that mom and dad are getting a divorce and mom is living with the roommate because he's her BF now.
Agreed. There are enough women out there spewing lies about the father so the kids don't want to see him anymore. Your children deserve to know their mother's true motives, nature and decisions.
She wants to have her cake and eat it too. It’s super inappropriate that she allowed that guy to stick around you both once you got back together. She knew it was not ok of her because she kept trying to deny it to you. This is super shitty for you and I’m very sorry.
I feel like if someone has separated finances and it works well, theyre less likely to divorce. Same if they do joint finances and it works well. I feel like it's a case to case basis and communication is key, although that goes for all the reasons why people divorce