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Aika, ♥, 20 y.o.
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Date: October 11, 2022
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Not everyone who watches porn wants to fuck the person they're watching. I'm not saying your boyfriend is or isn't thinking that way, but keep in mind that there are people out there who like to imagine their partner and them doing what's being shown in the video.
Personally, I like watching porn and I'll just fantasize my boyfriend and I instead.
Tell her that you're there for her in any way that she needs. I've been in her shoes, and she just needs to know that somebody is there for her no matter what. Relationships can have their rocky moments, but it's making it through those moments that makes you guys stronger.
I have read so many stories of this happening. Having that peace of mind can be comforting, especially if it happened to someone he knew. With all the ancestry DNA tests out now it is becoming more and more common. I personally don't think it's a big deal.
I see a lot of people saying he is a jerk. These same people probably don't want their SO looking at their cell phones.
Thank you! I am Canadian but American politics seem to become ours somehow. Do we lack our own identity? Or do we just lack our own juicy media coverage? Yes this is the advice I was looking for. I’ve been ignoring a lot of the comments but I don’t want the girls to think I accept them or think it’s ok for him to speak that way. He’s always struggled with honesty. It’s not something that seemed to work for him in the past and he learned to lie as a way of living. Sad but I try to be understanding even though it’s been a massive problem for us.
Updateme
Hi. You need a marriage counselor asap, and he also needs an individual counselor. He is pushing you to the back and treating his sister like a wife. He has no boundaries, and you don't seem to be dealing with this issue either. It's time for him to see someone and cut back time with his sister. You need to get him help and stand your ground.
GO HOME. Stop running around when you have covid. Do neither of you understand what covid is? Let your partner have their temper tantrum (oh to be a sullen teenager blasting music in my locked room again) while you REST.
My advice is to post in r/vent r/venting r/offmychest r/trueoffmychest or r/mygirlfrienddoesnotunderstandscience as your post does not ask for advice on ones relationship.
THIS is why she should be reported. She’s a professional who can click on the right buttons to manipulate outcomes. The last paragraph seems super concerning.
I say be petty.
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Ok, probably good every one takes a chill pill.
You may need some neutral third party, but I would say get a paternity test and if it is his child, then don’t react with a “told you so”, react with a “now we have that behind us, let’s trust each other and move forward. Don’t listen to your sister, the most important person in your life is me and OUR child “
it’s not showing for me either
I hope it’s not an affair, but if your gut is telling you somethings up then I think you should investigate.
I think he does come from a conservative area so is probably struggling with his feelings if that’s how he feels about me. I want to talk to him about it but always bite my tongue
Leave her. She wants to cheat openly and she wants you on lockdown because she is insecure (likely the age difference plays a big part). She isn't worth your time anymore you are so young and have so much more to experience. Why lock yourself down with someone who doesn't really love you and wants nothing more than to control you? Stop being a doormat and leave her and find someone younger who at least respects you and your time.
You have done all you can.
People don’t don’t respect your no don’t get to date you. Make that a very hot rule moving forward
thanks mate, looking forward to the future
I'm not sure how that's in conflict: she both views herself as vulnerable to a future attacker that her husband may/may not be able to fend off and her husband as a victim of abuse. Whether we agree with her or not, she wrote both.
I am not trying to paint her as without fault (both her and her hubby assume the guy is a drug user and went off on a roid rage instead of defending himself ffs) but her conclusion didn't come from anything. His behavior influenced her perspective. They are not separate.
My issue with the commenter above was ignoring the entire outburst/violence of hubby and blaming the wife for not doing enough to curb his behavior. These aren't the issues. Everyone keeps saying ' we know he's wrong' but no one above is saying that until I objected.
She also won’t call unless it’s convenient for her and that’s rare. She’ll say “ goodnight I need sleep” then proceeded to be on snap or like ig for 2 hours
Maybe point out to him that when he wants you to act like his mother, you lose attraction for him? Don't know if that's true for you, but I personally have no interest in being intimate with someone who acts like a child. Is he immature in other ways, or is it this one thing?
This is such a weird hill, OP.
Yes you do.
Being a rapist and being a good man are definitely mutually exclusive. You can do good things, but if you murder someone, you are still a murderer
Fr scumbag move and literally just not taking accountability at that point. “It was his fault so I cheated. I didn't break up with him because I'm a shitty person and wanted to get back at him. So instead of having self respect I cheated on him to show him!” ??. Just break up with the person if you're going to have sex with someone else. Not nude people.
Why even deal with this girl? There are like, probably millions of others where you online
She needs therapy, meds and frankly is too young for a relationship. This toxic behavior will get worse. She is also manipulative and unable to behave like an adult. Stuff happens like the jacket. It seemed to be a catalyst.
That is a good idea, but make him come to you, do not send them anywhere. He created the whole environment. So make him work for it.
I just had a total hysterectomy and I recovered alone for the most part. This seems extreme.
Exactly ☝️, it’s sad to see abused people in denial.
I definitely hear you there. I've made up for that day every day since by assurig her it's okay if she doesn't want to. I'm in a better head space now and I won't ever guit her into that. We do cuddle a lot without sex so hopefully we are in a good place. Thank you for the advise. I really appreciate it!
Don’t cheat but get an understanding from her that this is ok and preferable to her. Protect yourself and be discrete.
The age gap is not and issue. 2-3 year gap is common in a lot of relationship. The bigger issue is that she lied and even bigger issue is that trust in the relationship won't be as strong as it would've been even if you decide to forgive her.
Have a open talk about it. Make sure she's not lying about anything else and also make her feel safe and confident so she's not lying to you again. I don't see this as reason to break up but relationship can't work without trust so she needs to work on rebuilding that trust with you.
How were you helping to move? A few months of planning to move isn't that much at all. Apartment hunting and saving up enough money take time.
Maybe she did want to move to the city and had continued her plans after you broke up. Either way, it's highly unlikely that she suddenly decided to move after you broke up just to spite you or something.
I mean, your feelings are valid, there really isn't a right or wrong for that. But there's no reason you should direct your anger to her at all.