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Birth Date: 2000-10-15
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Date: December 2, 2022
trust, but verify. and if you still can’t shake that feeling, there’s a reason for it. if they can’t prove their loyalty beyond a shadow of a doubt, then something’s wrong
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Set her free, there’s plenty of time to find someone more compatible.
At the time I was seeing a counsellor and when I'd talk about it she'd say that maybe I shouldn't have got back with her and that it seemed like a step back.
So…you quit seeing your counselor because they gave you some of the world's best advice, which is online you life through the windshield, not the rear view mirror? Talk about throwing the baby out with the bathwater…
Honestly, it doesn't sound like you're heathy enough for a serious relationship. You seem really unhappy and unsure of yourself and your relationship suffered because of it, which means future relationships will, too, until you get yourself together.
You need to, as a first priority, stop thinking about any kind of relationship and get back into therapy. Think about it…if you're still in the mental state that caused the problems in this relationship and you've quit therapy, so what makes you think the outcomes will be any different? It's almost impossible to go back into an old failed relationship and change the underlying patterns under the best of circumstances, let alone if one or both parties is unhealthy. That's why people always say “don't talk to your ex.” Going back into a failed relationship almost never works.
I've never cared about anyone as much as her and I doubt I ever will.
This is the biggest crock of bullshit that young people tell themselves. The last love is the best love and the love of your life. That's complete and utter bullshit. If you talk to people older than you who have lived and loved and lost and loved again, the later loves are usually better because you grow and mature and are more capable of deeper love than you are in your 20s. Don't cling to something dysfunctional because you're afraid that you've peaked romantically–you haven't.
If you care about this woman, you'll stop putting your fear over her wellbeing. Focus on your personal growth and healing and you'll both be better for it.
No. People can do what they want. Just because you're dating him now doesn't mean you get to dictate what he does/did with his own body. Stop trying to control everything.
the agreement we came to
There's no agreement. She's that child's mom until a court says otherwise. And hey, even then, she'll still be the kid's mother. Birth moms are moms, too.
Who cares. It’s not like she is keeping the husband.
You could consider couples counseling but he sounds like the kind of guy who expects a woman to defer to his judgment. Perhaps it’s cultural but honestly, cultural or not, he sounds like a jerk.
I was on facetime with my girlfriend only and she heard all that stuff
She cheated man. I get that it’s not the same since it was with a woman, but the fact that she allowed herself to be put in a situation to cheat, along with the fact that she engaged enthusiastically despite being married, means she doesn’t respect your marriage. If she will cheat with a woman, who’s to say she won’t cheat with a man? Both of those acts betray your marriage, and she had no problem doing it this time.
Amanda has complete contempt for your marriage. She couldn’t care less that you two are married and is actively trying to destroy your marriage. She’s a threat, and if your wife isn’t willing to completely cut her out of your lives for good, there is no coming back from this. If your wife doesn’t do this on her own or sometime down the line tries to reconnect with Amanda, it will just show how seriously your wife takes this.
Either way, you should consult an attorney to make sure you’re in a good position to divorce, whether you decide to do that or not.
You deserve better. And will find better.
Yes, I have dealt with this. I personally can't do it.
It's going to be hard, but extremely worth it. Just make sure you go see a therapist to examine your how you ended up in this situation so you can avoid it again. Not saying it's your fault, but it's a perfect time to look at that.
I don’t think you did anything wrong and kudos for your bravery in being so open and honest with her. But you deserve better. Just not the right fit. Keep on moving forward, you’ll find the right lady for you. Again, good for you for putting yourself out there. Not for the faint of heart. I am sorry she made you feel badly.