That's not any better love! If i say no my husband stops completely because he respects my body and loves me. That's what u do when u love someone! U dont still try to pursued them or get gratification. This is the type of dude that will tell u:
“Dont worry baby I'll do all the work”
“Come on I'll be fast”
“I just lost control because ur so sexy” when he continues after u say no and ignores u wanting him to stop.
And ultimately u wake up to him having sex with u while u sleep because he “cldnt hold it in”
She did two things recklessly to hurt OP. She hid how she's been feeling lately about kids (I suspect she hid it longer than you seem to think), and she chose to reveal it to him at a terrible time for discussion. She blurted it out of the blue when they were both trying to fall asleep. That set him up for failure.
It’s fair to say to him, “I respect myself too much to be your secret.”
If he’s really into you, he’ll want to share the relationship with everyone.
Gotta go on dates to get kissed. Invite him to the movies. Kiss him if he’s having trouble moving things along and that’s what you want. There’s no reason the guy has to take the lead.
Your girlfriend hanging out one on one with a guy is not a red flag in and of itself.
Your girlfriend hanging out with a guy she is interested in, and is curious about kissing, is what potentially makes it a red flag.
Your girlfriend is young, and as you state, very inexperienced. How you move past this is entirely up to you. I’m sure you’ll get plenty of people telling you to dump her. But you don’t have to. Plenty of couples are able to work through infidelity and come out stronger for it.
Can you let this go? Can you trust her? Can you both commit to communicating openly and honestly with each other?
Communication is the key to successfully moving past this. Because communication leads to understanding and trust. And through communication, you can agree on healthy boundaries for your relationship.
And you believed this nonsense she's spouting? Is this your first day on earth?
This is the classic parental abuser lie. The “oh woe am I. All these people somehow managed to sneak past me and abuse my precious child! I'm the worst! Feel bad for meeeeeee!” story.
But in reality, she is perfectly aware of what's happening and signs off on it. They always are.
You need to stop white-knighting this person you DONT KNOW and start ignoring everything she says because you're getting the cherry-picked, scrubbed-clean version, and not the truth.
Your empathy is her weapon that she will use to harm the person you supposedly love. What's more important? Him or his abuser and her crocodile tears?
Also, this isn't one mistake. It's several very severe mistakes. Saying what you did was “just one mistake” is like saying a murder is a “momentary lapse of judgment”. Even if it's true, it's hardly an excuse to be considered in your defense.
You should have known better from the outset to never speak to a person's abuser and if your SO is NC with someone, your role is that of a bouncer, not a mediator.
This is an abuser line. “I trust you, I just know what men are like and I don’t trust them”
That's not any better love! If i say no my husband stops completely because he respects my body and loves me. That's what u do when u love someone! U dont still try to pursued them or get gratification. This is the type of dude that will tell u:
“Dont worry baby I'll do all the work”
“Come on I'll be fast”
“I just lost control because ur so sexy” when he continues after u say no and ignores u wanting him to stop.
And ultimately u wake up to him having sex with u while u sleep because he “cldnt hold it in”
HE IS A CREEP
She didnt do anything intentionally to hurt you.
She did two things recklessly to hurt OP. She hid how she's been feeling lately about kids (I suspect she hid it longer than you seem to think), and she chose to reveal it to him at a terrible time for discussion. She blurted it out of the blue when they were both trying to fall asleep. That set him up for failure.
It’s fair to say to him, “I respect myself too much to be your secret.”
If he’s really into you, he’ll want to share the relationship with everyone.
Gotta go on dates to get kissed. Invite him to the movies. Kiss him if he’s having trouble moving things along and that’s what you want. There’s no reason the guy has to take the lead.
And you didn't waste a year, HE did. He's the one pulling this shit.
Dump him, and think of this as a learning experience.
Your girlfriend hanging out one on one with a guy is not a red flag in and of itself.
Your girlfriend hanging out with a guy she is interested in, and is curious about kissing, is what potentially makes it a red flag.
Your girlfriend is young, and as you state, very inexperienced. How you move past this is entirely up to you. I’m sure you’ll get plenty of people telling you to dump her. But you don’t have to. Plenty of couples are able to work through infidelity and come out stronger for it.
Can you let this go? Can you trust her? Can you both commit to communicating openly and honestly with each other?
Communication is the key to successfully moving past this. Because communication leads to understanding and trust. And through communication, you can agree on healthy boundaries for your relationship.
And you believed this nonsense she's spouting? Is this your first day on earth?
This is the classic parental abuser lie. The “oh woe am I. All these people somehow managed to sneak past me and abuse my precious child! I'm the worst! Feel bad for meeeeeee!” story.
But in reality, she is perfectly aware of what's happening and signs off on it. They always are.
You need to stop white-knighting this person you DONT KNOW and start ignoring everything she says because you're getting the cherry-picked, scrubbed-clean version, and not the truth.
Your empathy is her weapon that she will use to harm the person you supposedly love. What's more important? Him or his abuser and her crocodile tears?
Also, this isn't one mistake. It's several very severe mistakes. Saying what you did was “just one mistake” is like saying a murder is a “momentary lapse of judgment”. Even if it's true, it's hardly an excuse to be considered in your defense.
You should have known better from the outset to never speak to a person's abuser and if your SO is NC with someone, your role is that of a bouncer, not a mediator.