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Allie, 22 y.o.
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Date: October 11, 2022
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Its easy to be spontanous if you're a single guy making spur of the moment decision and not having to involve anyone else. Plus you're tagging along with a group that has already planned the holiday. The only thing spontaneous about all that is the decision, and then, as I noted before, how spontaneous is that if you do it every year consistently?!
I'm not sure what you can say to him. If you can't afford the holiday then thats the whole debate finished right there. We need not progress further. But you have gone above and beyond by giving him a simple clear explanation and then attemped to provide domestic options for holidays but he still sulks. You might have to accept that this is not the guy for you. Or you're not the girl for him. It does sound like he wants the impossible. Its not you that is the problem. You don't have to set any boundaries.
What do you suppose would happen even if you said 'Yes” to one of these overseas holidays and let him arrange the 'spontaneous' itinerary? It wouldn't work, would it?
I lived this. I left home due to an abusive family home and moved in with my bf when I was 17. I didn't have anything or anyone else and with my abusive family as a yardstick, I took this for “love”. He behaved this way and the abusive and dangerous behavior only escalated from there. It took me nearly 7 years to leave him and escape. I'm 30 now and it's a distant memory, but I look back with grief at that time. Please start making plans to leave. No one deserves to be treated like that.
Please tell his parents and look for external help to leave. Your bf is gaslighting you and has crossed a serious boundary.
Is Catfish still a thing?! Get Nev on the case bc we all want to know now!
I think your wife needs therapy. As great as it is that you found a solution regarding chess, it won't make her feelings of feeling less loved by her son magically go away. Same goes for her feelings of jealousy and having to compete with you.
Chess was her way of compensating, of having one thing to bond with her child over that she didn't let you have. But there are still all the other things left where she feels your son prefers you.
As such, I strongly recommend that she gets individual therapy (to work through her feelings) and that you two also get couples counselling so that you can both work on a shared strategy when it comes to parenting. Otherwise, I fear those feelings of hers will still grow and she might become more and more jealous/resentful and it will damage both your marriage and her relationship with her son.
Your wife needs help and a lot more than just playing chess with her son gives her. That's just a band-aid over a giant wound. The fact that she hit you, no matter how much you want to gloss over it, shows how much resentment and emotional pain there already is.
I got married at 34. My wife and I had our son when I was 36. When I was on the fence (not just still in “fuck no” territory) my wife suggested we just throw the condoms away and let fate be the decider. After quite a long spell of protectionless boinking (I got rather cocky) my son came into our lives. Does that help at all?
I think the acid would make it less likely to confuse the two
No I ended my pregnancy at 23wks bc is my RIGHT,. & why surrender my remaining life time to unhappiness with someone who's shady af, about whether it was a boy or a girl… if your that unwilling to care. I can match the energy as well
If she was really interested you wouldn't have to work that naked for her attention. You were somebody to pay attention to her when she needed it. It hurts but move on bro.
What you described isn’t a marriage, it’s a bad roommate situation with paperwork saying you will stay together. Go to a lawyer, discuss your options and pick one. You deserve happiness in your life and you will never find it with her.
As a fellow dog owner there’s two things to consider. 1. What would be the best for the dogs? You might end up crashing with friends or getting a small apartment which would make them miserable. 2. There are lots of dogs who need an owner who will love them sitting in shelters waiting for someone like you to take them home. Remember that if it works out that you can’t take them.
Should I talk to him about this? If so, what should I say?
I would go with “I have massive jealousy issues and am having problems when you talk to other women..Yes I know it is a bit much and I promise you that I am going to immediately enter som therapy to help with this..I just wanted to let you know, so you could understand my jealous behavior while I am in the process of getting help”
She sounds kind of exhausting to be honest. How does she “get jealous”? If she does it in a way where you have right of reply, you could try saying something like, “I’m sorry you feel like that but you have told me multiple times you want to stay friends and don’t want things to be awkward and this is, well, a little awkward.” Maybe some clear time apart will give you both space to decide what you really want from each other.
I’m glad it was helpful. I don’t have much time as I’m about to take care of the family, but, If I were in your shoes and had 15 seconds, I would say something like this to John:
Thanks for being a good friend and stepping up in a tough situation. Ex is lucky to have you as a best friend. I want you to know your secret is safe with me about what you told me, I don’t want to hurt your relationship with ex. I notice we don’t talk as much anymore, I’m wondering if that’s for a reason or if you’re just confused like I am. How do you want things to go from here between us?