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Amina, 20 y.o.
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Date: October 16, 2022
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Why this again, OP?
I can a argue against it from real life experience. It was a huge mistake.
I don't get this sitting out thing? Is this an american thing? It sounds to me like a MASSIVE scam. So you have to pay a fuckton of money for your colleges and many people have a six digid dept after college. Then they do not just kick you out if you fail, but make you “sit out” a year and then come back? This really sounds like all they want is you coming back and paying more money.
Do you honestly really WANT to return there? If you would be really interested in your subcejt, wouldn't you have decent greades automatically? Why do you pump thousands of dollars into that system if you do not even want to be there?
You are an adult now. You need to make up your mind about your own life and figure out what you want.
So my advice would be to do something like work and travel for a few months. See the world, get out there, take your time to think about your life. You can also just get some random job that let's you get by but take your fair share of time thinking about your future. There is so much you can do without a degree. You can start a bussiness, it does not have to be some super fancy idea. It can just be selling some product on amazon or something like that. You can also just learn a high value skill online FOR FREE and make money that way, for example coding. You can just work somewhere in a lower level position and work yourself up to the top in some company. Also if you decide you still want to get a college degree or persue a certain carreer you can go back in a year or two when you have made up your mind abou what subject really interests you.
Don't sell this to your parents as “they kicked me out because my grades were bad I am so sorry.” Tell them “I really do not want to persue this anymore. It is not what I want to do with my life and it does not make me happy. I want to take some time (some months to a year) to figure out what I want to do with my life and I decided to take this job, go to work and travel there, do this or that.” Even if you were kicked out because of grades, the cause for the bad grades probably also is a missing interest in the subject, so it is not a lie.
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So here’s my situation.
My girlfriend (26 F) and I (25 M) have been together for 8 years. We moved in together a year ago.
I love her and we often have a ton of chemistry. Many things are great in our relationship. We do have a few problems but overall things are mostly great.
That said, one thing has been happening recently that absolutely boggles my mind and has called the relationship into question.
She takes Benadryl nightly (for sleep, not crazy about that in itself but that’s another story) and she keeps the bottle in a dresser drawer. We have three cats and their food/water bowls are right next to her dresser.
When she takes her pill, for some reason she always pours nearly the entire bottle into her hand, takes one and puts the rest into the bottle. Because she does this, a pill or two occasionally drops on the floor. I asked her to stop doing it that way.
About 6 months ago, I found a pill in our cats food bowl. I told her that it worried the hell out of me and that I was worried it could harm the cats if they ingested one.
She said that she’d be more careful. I told her no, she had to stop pouring the pills into her hand and only take one from the bottle at a time. She said she’d stop.
I noticed her pouring all of the pills out again and I confronted her about it. We came to the compromise that if she HAD to do it this way, the pills had to on-line in the bathroom.
3-4 months later, I AGAIN noticed a pill in the cat food and once again the bottle was in her drawer. I was furious. She told me I’m overreacting and that Benadryl is over the counter and sometimes given to animals.
I told her that I felt it was insane that she insisted on continuing to pour the pills out RIGHT next to the cat food. I told her that the pills are absolutely not allowed in the room anymore. Not trying to be controlling, just trying to protect out cats.
Fast forward to today, AGAIN there was a pill right next to the food and once again the bottle of Benadryl is in her drawer.
Not sure what to make of this situation. It seems so strange to me.
missing the important question here:-
Was there a buffet?
Eh. I don't mind if someone makes up silly names. Everyone makes up fake names for people anyway.
Yeah… a basic rule is that you should discuss everything with each other. The only time you talk to other people about relationship issues is if you're concerned about being mistreated. Even then, I'd post here rather than people I personally know.
You need what you need. That's just how it is.
I think she's making a very extreme, unaccomodating choice she's likely going to regret. Did she make any effort to compromise?
Saddens me to hear this story. Being shamed for your behavior by the person who is closest to you sounds like a horrible experience. I want to tell you that you are totally normal and have nothing to feel bad about (even though it is understandable if you do feel that way).
I would definitely look up gaslighting and projection because I am assuming that is what is happening here, but of course this is not conscious and your partner is most likely not doing this maliciously. Which doesn't make it less toxic and something to address head on.
What happened with you in the fan chat also sounds like a totally normal thing to happen and it definitely doesn't make you a pedophile. Nor does enjoying child actors in entertainment roles( I definitely watched stranger things specifically because of the child actors, for example, they were amazing).
I want to emphesize because it sounds like you are quite impacted by this that : You're fine, you're great, this is not yours.
My advice would be to start with a gentle approach and see how this impacts your partner if they seem to open up and be willing to talk about it. No blame, just let them know how you feel when they say these things and ask why she believes this is the case.
Read up on gaslighting and explain to her that once she tells you something about your mental health that you do not agree with, it makes you question yourself and causes turmoil that you don't want or need.
If she does not respond to it and keeps gaslighting and projecting without trying to understand herself, pack your bags.
Ewww literally eww what on this Gods green earth would someone almost 30 be doing with a teenager.
Jesus. Can these men not handle women their own age because they have standards?
So they go after young girls who can't even drink legally and settle for well it's legal so I'm not doing anything wrong?
OP wtf do yall have in common?
What do you connect over? You going to college and him getting ready to talk about kids and marriage?
Do your parents approve of this relationship?
Where do you see this relationship going?
Has he dated younger women in the past?
Why did he say he thought you being 18 wasn't fucking weird for him?
I can bet you unless he has creepy fucking friends people our age generally find a dude that's 27 dating a literal teenager gross nd predatory.
You have zero life experience. Im sorry to be harsh but you don't. This man can mold you into anything he wants and that's probably why he's out thinking its okay dating someone near a decade younger than him that's basically just out of high school.
Fucking hell.
He can control it, but why bother when he can just make you take the blame for his shitty behaviour?
He won't change, because he doesn't want to. Life is great for him right now. He gets to do what he wants and treat you like a punching bag (verbal – for the moment) and then blame you!
If he wanted to treat you better, he would. It's really that simple.
I read your other post so I know you know you're in an abusive relationship. Listen to all the other comments telling you he's abusive and won't change because it's true. He has you questioning if your the bad person and if he's the victim. This is classic narcissist abuse.
Until you figure out what you're going to do, start recording your interactions, ESPECIALLY the arguments (if it's legal where you are). He's banking on his charm persuading people that you're the one who is crazy. If you have to play that in front a judge, you'll have the ammo against him. But DO NOT let him know you're doing this. Not in anger, not at all. This information is for you. Telling him before you leave will only escalate things. Good luck.