You sound like a really good dad and a good person. I’m truly sorry this is happening to you.
I’m a woman but I also got blindsided catching my then-husband in an affair when my kids were little. It’s a terrible mindfuck and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
The 2 best things you can do before anything else are:
(1) get a consult with a lawyer before you do anything else. Including DNA testing, which everyone seems to think you should do right away. I’m not saying don’t do it ever but there may be reasons to wait. You don’t necessarily want to create evidence that you’re not the bio dad right now since you know you want to remain in your son’s life regardless. Also you may be better off doing it through a formal court process. For this and everything else, you want to know all the options available to you and what steps you should take and in what order to get you to the best result for you and your son.
(2) Find a good counselor for individual therapy. Even if you don’t think you “need counseling” this is one of the smartest things you can do. You have very important decisions to make that could have a major impact on your son’s life. And you will likely have to make at least some of those decisions while you are in a state of very heightened emotions, whether those are anger, sadness, denial or even numbness. These emotions are very normal for any person in this situation but it’s not a great idea to make super important decisions while in the midst of them without any guidance from a trusted advisor. Having a good counselor during this time can help you make sure that you are making truly well reasoned decisions in the midst of all you are going through.
Best of luck to you and your son as you work through the fall out from this.
![](/cs/camsoda2500.jpg")
Have you ever met in person? What other communication have you had leading up to this?
You sound like a really good dad and a good person. I’m truly sorry this is happening to you.
I’m a woman but I also got blindsided catching my then-husband in an affair when my kids were little. It’s a terrible mindfuck and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
The 2 best things you can do before anything else are:
(1) get a consult with a lawyer before you do anything else. Including DNA testing, which everyone seems to think you should do right away. I’m not saying don’t do it ever but there may be reasons to wait. You don’t necessarily want to create evidence that you’re not the bio dad right now since you know you want to remain in your son’s life regardless. Also you may be better off doing it through a formal court process. For this and everything else, you want to know all the options available to you and what steps you should take and in what order to get you to the best result for you and your son.
(2) Find a good counselor for individual therapy. Even if you don’t think you “need counseling” this is one of the smartest things you can do. You have very important decisions to make that could have a major impact on your son’s life. And you will likely have to make at least some of those decisions while you are in a state of very heightened emotions, whether those are anger, sadness, denial or even numbness. These emotions are very normal for any person in this situation but it’s not a great idea to make super important decisions while in the midst of them without any guidance from a trusted advisor. Having a good counselor during this time can help you make sure that you are making truly well reasoned decisions in the midst of all you are going through.
Best of luck to you and your son as you work through the fall out from this.